Moaning Sod

Egg shaped balls

2012-01-15T14:23:00.001-08:00

Ok I admit it, I have bought a EA sports game. No its not a Fifa Sensible Soccer is way better anyway. Nor is is one of there American sports games that has very little appeal to anybody outside the US. Its a old Rugby game. Yes I am a fan of that manly sport. Its a shame that its overlooked when it comes to games as a matter of fact the y only seem to some out during the Rugby world cup. We got two last year. Both none EA. Ones a sequel to the highly rated Johnna Lammu rugby the others the official one,but it has a problem, it has a certain company’s logo on it. Its, ii hate to say 505 Software. For those that don’t know of them (you lucky lucky bastard) they came to power in the PS2 days and released loads of Japanese games, “Fantastic” you might be thinking. You poor misguided fool, its not the stuff you want, its not the stuff the Japanese want, its the cheap crap, they games that nobody gave a rats arse about. Not only that they took a half arse approach to them (and gave them a manual that’s just a bit of a4 paper folded into a book),.

Its not surprising that everybody that played it said it was shite.

So what’s the problem with making them?

Controlling the players? All you need is move, pass (left and right), punt (thats kick it) and score a try. If attacking. If defending all you need is tackle.

Everything else (throw-in, scrums, conversions can be done with one button and the pad.

Not that hard is it?

Ok the CPU players need to be a bit smart other wise it would end up like Leeds vs a high school team. (or bloody easy), other than that what else is there?

Graphics? Make it blue blocks vs red for all I care. As long as it plays well im a happy chappy.

Official player and team names? For all I care they can be called Chaz and Dave. I have a crap memory for names anyway.

At the end of the day its a sport that isnt that famous, but the amount of fans are growing so pander to them.

Come on EA at least give us one game every now and then and stop with the bloody NASCAR ones as its bloody pointless . You can make 3 Fifas a year so why not one Rubgby one every few years.

Things I hate about a game I like Zelda Skyward sword

2011-12-04T11:44:00.000-08:00

Well heres something I said id do, but I have been busy playing games (for a change) so last weeks moan was kinda missing (its on my phone, but its annoying to retype things. So instead heres another one on waiting.

He waits thats what he does.

Ok I wont instead heres a things I hate about a game I like and in keeping with this being a moan and I said id do this one it is for recent game

Zelda Skyward Sword

Yes you have probably read loads of reviews about it and why its so damn good, but im going to say what I found is bad about it.

Because I can.

So if you don’t like click the red X now for the rest of you that want to know little flaws about it read on.

I will say that this game is bloody good. Really really good, but there are flaws, annoyances and here they are.

Heres the main one

Its to easy – From bosses to puzzles to the game its self I rarely felt challenged and any challenge was due to the control’s them selfs rather than what was in front of me and speaking of the control’s.

The err control’s – Granted this is a Wii game so it had to use them and it was a good idea, but there is times when the Wiimote had to be centred this was a lot of the time. Thankfully this was a case of pressing down on the D-Pad. So maybe Nintendo knew about this possible problem? Some times the game didn’t do the sword slash in the direction I told it to. On some bits this is annoying. Doing the Skyward strike (hold the Wiimote in a vertical position) is a pain as the Wiimote kept thinking I just wanted the sword help up.

Flying – Ok the bird goes where you want it to. Unless its up then it slows down. Flying is boring as nothing really happens in the sky’s. Just the odd tornado. At least in Wind waker the seas had things.

Swimming – If you haven’t done the swimming bit you will and you will hate it

Fi – Shes like a less vocal Navi. Three hearts “ding ding” “You are running out of hearts master” and giving not very good advice.

Z-targeting – You have to hold the button down and the problem with that is its not a nice button to hold down for a long time. In other post Ocarina of time Zeldas you could have it as a toggle. Also you cant use it to target with ranged weapons.
Crafting – Pointless on some items, annoying to have to upgrade things you need to be big.
Not all connected - Come on guys in the other games everything was one big open world that you could travel between. Ok its in the sky and you fly down the holes to get to them, but what if we just want to go by land? Nope you cant. These makes everything feel like separate sections and its a bit tedious to have to go to the sky and fly a bit to get to them.
Three areas – Come on three areas? (Forest, desert, volcano). Ok they are big, but three of them?
No exploring – As I said you fly to these bits there’s a few islands most are lumps of rock, past Zelda games have load loads of exploration this one don’t.
The harp - Oh wow, wave the Wiimote left and right to play. AT LEAST IF IT WAS A COWBELL IT would have been MORE INTERACTIVE!!
People that say “Its not very original” - Yeah its a sequel, they tend to be samy if not people will complain, but this at least it trys NEW THINGS!
People that complain about the graphics – Really? Its on the bloody Wii
The imprisoned boss – The most copy paste boss it gets annoying when it gets a power up, but thankfully somebody else helps out later on
Zeldas nose – Cant help but think that its a massive honker.

Ok these are the faults, but it is a damn good game. Its a Nintendo made Zelda game and they are usually good and this is no exception to this rule. Its just a few small things annoy me about it.

Just buy the damn game and enjoy it as its good.

BBC = Bloody Bullshite Cancellations

2011-11-16T10:18:00.000-08:00

Well here's another none game based moan, but again it can be linked with games in several ways first one to mind is that a few games get canned as well.

According to recent news thingys the BBC has cancelled all new Shooting Stares episodes.

I read it first off Bob Mortimer
Oh yes.
BBC have decided to not make another series of the classy Shooting stars. Granted its one of those “Its not as good as it was” series, but it was still good. It was still funny. It was still better than most the shite the BBC puts out.
I mean look at what one.
Its ok I can wait.

Bet there’s none of it of interest. This is normal.
BBC1 has not been on in months in my flat and all that 3 is good for is repeats BBC 2 still has some watch-able programming on for about 4 hours a week. BBC 3 on the other hand seems to be nothing but “Who gives a fuck” programming. With such delights as the grammatically incorrect “Lee Nelsons Well good show” Is that name meant to be ironic? There is nothing good about it. Its just programming for chavs. The rest is reality TV (very rarely entertaining) and Family guy/American Dad repeats. BBC 4 on the other hand.
Well they where going to make it go off air for good, but that was stopped thanks to a petition. Why? Well its a channel that has a lot of good stuff on. Ok there’s a fair bit of crap on there, but it has some good documentary’s and it was the start for Qi

But why are they doing this?
Well its part of there cost cutting measures and the first thing to go are “Panel comedy shows”
BALLOCKS TO THAT!! They are the only things that are funny. After the flop that was Mrs Browns boys (gave me a headache is was so not funny) and Coming of age, more unfunny crap other than that you are screwed
Ok there is Not going out that was kinda funny (Hint to BBC the word comedy means funny).

Also herd that there’s going to be more repeats.
Oh fucking goody
It seems all I am paying my TV license for is !I, Have I got news for you, Never mind the buzzcocks, Dr Who, Radcliffe and Maconie and errr
Yeah I don’t know
It seems people like me are paying to not watch anything good.
I just hope my part isn’t being spent on that program with people fannying about in posh cloths.

Truth be said its not about the whole panel show thing. Its about the comedy. Them two have been responsible for many a tear of laughter running down my cheek.
Lets see Lee Nelson do that.

There comedy programming has gone down hill since the Office so fuck you Gerevas
Still had to get that off my chest

And don't get me started on there lack of respect for Sky at night.
ITS THE ONLY PROGRAM THEY MAKE THAT IS NEVER ON iPLAYER!!

Viral advertising

2011-11-13T03:42:00.000-08:00

Well if you probably haven’t seen there’s a new game out.

Same as more or less every week and there is one thing that annoys me a bit about them.

Its not he game its self if it don’t take my interest I just ignore it. Its some thing else. Its something that people say sells games.

Its the advertising.(no more “Its” starting a sentence now) Cast your gaze towards Kotaku of late and your eyes will be insulted by a game called Skyrim (random gifs of what I think is the main character doing the normal macho yelling in a rather generic 300 way) , a game that few will of noticed or even given a toss about if it wasn’t advertised all over the bloody site. Seriously its like the site is saying “OMG YOU MUST BUY THIS GAME” “SELL YOUR KIDNEYS IF YOU DONT HAVE THE CASH, YOU MUST HAVE IT! ITS GOING TO BE THE BEST GAME EVER” (I lied)

For a better visual representation for those reading this in the near future when the game is in all the bargain bins and people stopped giving a toss for the new flavour of the month, picture that bit in Back to the Future part 2 when Marty goes into that “80s restaurant” and he gets that screen telling him “YOU MUST TRY THE DEEP FRYED SPECAIL” (Or something) only for him to order a Pepsi. That’s kinda what it feels like to see loads of adds forced upon me.

I’m glad I don’t really watch TV. As I hate to have adds flung at me. (at least there’s no radio adds for it).

The thing is now it seems to be having a opposite effect.

Games that are over advertised to the point of becoming like having them tattooed on my eyes by the advertisers become ones that I hate and stuff that I wont buy. (think coca Cola and McDonalds, but they are also a question of taste). So im kinda glad that Zelda 2011s only really advertised in mags. On one page.

But then the Zelda name is advertising its self.

Its advertising that what lies inside its box is not going to be shite. (pushing the CD-I ones off a cliff into a pit of Ravenous Bugblatter beats from Traal.

Along with the CD-I as it was arse.

Really it was arse.

Not even a pleasant arse like one of Kyle its one of the afore mentioned beast.

After a bad curry.

Anyway CD-I hate ends here as there fans of it that will rage (still comments below are welcome)

Thanks for reading.

Sonic generations problems

2011-11-07T05:31:00.000-08:00

Ok so I played Sonic Generations at Replay and it was good.

Very good.

Really I spent a few hours on it.

It really feels like Sega read the guidelines I did in my "Perfect Sonic game" moan I wrote all that time ago, but there's is a few things that bugged me about it. These are off the top of my head.

Why is it one act each and not two acts and a boss each?

Come on its not like its would be hard to do it. Ok having the same boss in 3D and 2D would prove a bit challenging, but at least give us the classic "swinging ball" boss from Green hill zone (with a few new tricks). The levels are longer than normal .(It dont take 60 secounds to do the first), but come on Sonic games have 2/3 acts (Ok not all, but most) and they are big with a few different routes threw them, but then so did Sonic 3. Speaking of. Where was a Sonic 3 level? (Sonic 3 and Knuckles don't count). How about next time having some levels from none main series Sonics?

Why cant I just go from one stage to another with out all that level select stuff?

Come on how many people want this? The feeling of going from level to level with out all the damn level select thing.

Why so few levels?

9 levels? Ok so they got most the famous ones, but come on less isnt more more is more and people like me like more.

Not down and jump for spindash

Really? They had to add a extra control for Classic Sonic?

Hints

"When you get hit you lose rings" Really? Do we need info like this? A game targeted at Sonic fans and your giving out hints like that? Or is it a pisstake.

There is probably more, but as I said these are off the top of my head and the game did trigger a sense of nostalgia while I played it and was bloody good. Its just the moaning side of me hated these problems

Inadequately sized spuds

2011-11-03T14:57:00.000-07:00

Ok this is a none games based one so bare with it. Its still a moaning sod post, its just not about games. Ok maybe it is as there’s a mode in a Tetris game called “Hot potato” So there you have it, it is kinda linked even if it isn’t about a game there’s a mode in a game named after it.

So yeah

Spuds, potato’s call them what you will, but there’s something that narks me off about them, its not them per say its when they are classed as “Jacket potato’s” They seem to put that label on any sized ones EVEN BABY ONES! There should be a size guide for the ideal sized spud for baking, but to me its the size of my palm or bigger, really. I would say “Big shows” palm, but that would be a big spud. A bit to big.

Size matters when it comes to jacket spuds. Small ones seem pointless to bake and are probably best for Sunday dinner not for baking. It feels like a waste of time baking small ones.

Ok its not like they are hard to cook. Just put them in the oven on high for about a hour. Only hard bit is deciding what to put with them. (tuna and a salad works great)

What’s the point of baking small ones anyway? At the end of the hour or so you are left with a bite sized morsel that don’t seem to be worth the hassle or bother.

So then why the bloody hell do supermarkets put four small ones in a pack and call them “Baking potato’s”? All they are doing is wasting time.

What brought this up? Well I got four massive ones from Aldi for 59p and months ago I got a big bag of them (as off a farm) for a quid. (Lets just say after I ate them all I needed a break from potatoy things for a while, but seeing cheap big ones (easy now).

So another thing that annoys me is the ways that people cook them

Micro waving them is just wrong, so damn wrong the clue is in the name “Baked potato” not “Nuked spuds”. Cooking them is violent and lazy

Violent - stab the spud several sodding times with a fork, if you don’t do this the middle wont be cooked.

Lazy – Put oven on full and chuck the smegging thing in there and check on it in a hour.

For more lazynes buy a bag of grated cheese and have cold beans on it. You do that and you are lazy.

They ain’t no fast food, but they are good food. Now bugger off and go eat some.

After buying some

Some decent sized ones

And a topping of your choice

But not mashed potato

As that’s just silly

Dont look forward to it

2011-09-01T09:08:00.000-07:00

Again its been some time (damn good mood), but there has been something that has annoyed me recently, well not just recently its something that’s on going. Its that feeling of disappointment.

You know the one.

The one that comes into your mind when you play something you have waited ages for, for it to be a little lacking. As gamers we must all of felt it at one point.

Yes this is brought on by my experience with Dues EX Human revolution.

Behold something that I was looking forward to (first game rented in a long time) that ended up being a bit “urgh”. Maybe its because I hold the Dues EX name in high regraded as a holy relic type game and I wont have anything bad said about it, but this game changed it.

Ok in the past there have been others (Red Ninja, NiGHTS Wii, Gears of war, Final Fantasy 7) that I have really looked forward to, but yet again I was left as unfulfilled as a fat kid in a fruit shop

So I think its time for us all to stop looking forward to any games and think there going to be “shite, but lets see how bad they are” so we can be pleasantly surprised if they turn out great.

Its probably for the better anyway.

E3 in closing

2011-06-10T12:07:00.000-07:00

Ok heres a over all closing thoughts on E3 type thing.

the conference winner by a clear mile was Nintendo.

Just for the opening more than anything and GAMES FOR THE 3DS!! Ok not so on the Wii, the WiiU just looks like the off spring from the bottom half of the 3DS and a 360 pad that snacked way to much.

Ok heres the list of games with a load edited out that I don’t give a toss about and that I really couldn’t think of anything funny or new to say about them and I don’t think people

would seriously read threw 4 pages of my rantings.

Duke Nukem Forever - Its been at nearly every E3 in the past 12 years, be it word of mouth or actual game in play footage.
The Darkness II - Yes they are back, but can they still kick it?
Wrecked: Revenge Revisited – How do you revisit revenge? Unless your revenge failed.
Skylanders Spyro's Adventure – Gay dragon prances about in a gay landscape looking a bit gay
Ben 10: Galactic Racing – Tenison Kart

Serious Sam 3: BFE – Behold a FPS game series done how its supposed to be. Move and shoot.
Cars 2 – talking cars the cash in 2, Think Thomas the tank engine with out the soul
Disney Universe – Only good if I get to play with Ariel in a slippery kind of dirty sex act type mini game of trying to find the hole LEGO Pirates of the Caribbean: The Video Game – anyone else think these Lego games are just getting silly now?
Star Trek: Infinite Space – Bizarrely I grew out of Star trek. Ok thats a lie I just matured and started to watch Babylon 5.

Camping Mama: Outdoor Adventures – Hunt it, kill it, cook it, eat it. How to destroy your child’s childhood in one game. Ok maybe not
Hulk Hogan's Main Event – Over rated wrestler gets his own game.
Pet Zombies in 3D (3DS) – Ok this one has got my interest, could be a fucking good laugth. Like Nintendogs but with more brains

Fable: The Journey – Or Fable Peter cashes in

Minecraft – Herd its not going to be the same, or even a proper Minecraft game, shame

WWE '12 – So they have finally gone down the EA method of naming? They have been on the EA type release seclude for the past few years.

Over all it was a bit rubbish this year, with loads of games that might as well go right in the bargain bin.

Its no wonder I never get invited to these things

E3 2011 - The Nintendo saga

2011-06-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

Here we go.

The final round. Nintendo time, last year they where the bes and im thinking this year will be the same as the others are a bit “Urgh”

WOW! What a start. A FUCKIN ORCASTRA PLAYING ZELDA SONGS! Its like a live gig with sound effects and a few cock ups. Its annoying to my ears to have two people speaking at once.

Zelda Links awakening, Hmm a download of something. How about something new?

Zelda OoT 3D, hard to get excited about it. As im sick of it

Zwlda four swords, On Dsi? FOR FREE! BLOODY GREAT! Didn’t mention that its online thought.

Zelda Skyward sword, A gold coloured Wiimote? Not interested. Show us some new footage

Zelda Symphony concert, You can expect to buy your tickets on Ebay in a few months for a bloody high price.

Zelda CDs, .

Great start. Fizzling out into taking about “Stuff” and the new platform. Nothing else about it yet.

Ok spoke to soon

Mario Kart 3D, What’s to say? Its Mario Kart. Not to sure how these flying/underwater bits will fair up, still car moding might be fun.

Star Fox 3D, Hmmm turning and tilting the system might be problematic, as gamers we have spent years not moving our arms around while playing. Still its a optional control method

Super Mario 3D, WOW a fixed camera. Looks good I guess, but I don’t really like Marios platformers, but this one kinda reminds me of Bug for some reason.

Kid Icarus uprising. Should have been a launch game if you ask me. Still it looks a bit Space Harriery. Could be good. Dunno lol. The multi player side of things seems interesting.

Luigis Mansion 2, HA! They finally made a sequel. Never really played the first one.

The next lot was like those data blasts so didn’t see much of them so here’s a short summary.

Resident evil missionary, looks decent

Mario and Sonic, Urgh not again, more button bashing.

Tetirs, Well it wouldn’t be a console without it

Cave story 3D, not played the 2D one yet

Resident evil Revelations, Just bring them out damn it

Driver Renegade, Urgh looked like a late N64 game

Namco shit, Pacman etc etc, boring. Stuff that has been done before.

Tekken 3D, im not a fan

MGS Snake eater, same stuff shown as last year

Virtual Console 3DS, Gameboy and Gameboy colour and there updating the old classics in 3D

Pokemon, well Pokedex 3D. Not a proper Pokemon game thouht is it?

Wii U, Wait? Thats the name of the new one? The controller? WHAT THE FARGING SHNIT IS THAT? Its like a hand held. Oh wait. Its just a controller. Im expecting a troll face any second. What about battery life on it? That’s the most important thing. Looks like the bottom half of a 3DS (with a extra stick), im looking for that vid hey showed of a parrot making the Mario noise. Cant bloody find it.

So it is a new console? The games for it one sounds like Pac-man vs

So there you have it. A new controller. We want console, they give us a controller.

Lego City story’s. Hur hur GTA Lego. Wait thats a good thing, maybe, dunno lol.

Wow there also getting a few mutli platform games on it. Urgh

Darksiders 2, Port

Dirt, another port

Aliens marines, Port

Ghost reckon, port AGAIN!

Metro something. Dunno lol not herd of it

Tekken, hur hur customisation

Nina Gaiden 3, what lol?

STOP WITH THE PORTS DAMN IT!

A EA bloke, Talking about THE Same STUFF AS YESTERDAY!!

Overall

This years E3 was the remake year for Nintendo, the new Kirby game wasn’t shown. Still some more 3DS games are needed, but at the end of the day, they are taking there time with them.

TL;DR – ZELA ZELDA NO NEW GAMES LOTS OF REMAKES AND CRAP!

Wii U HUR HUR

E3 2011 The Sony Saga

2011-06-07T02:24:00.000-07:00

elcome to Sony's part. I just hope that this one is going to be decent as the last few have been soul destroying. PLEASE BE INTERESTING!

PSN, Talk. I think the world is sick of this saga now.

Uncharted 3, This looks decent, but probable a bit to much linear. Probably more of a movie than a game. It looks like you don’t have much control over the MC, Hur hur teaming up with a overpriced sandwich shop to promote a game.

Resistance 3, Another FPS, looks good, but Im sick of them as they are all looking the same.

Commitment to 3D. Oh dear.

And more rehearses, but of recent games all IN 3D!! FUCK 3D! Seriously. There forcing it on us.

NBA on the move, Again looks great, but I prefer NBA Jam, ITS FUN!. Arse to realistic games.

Medieval Moves, Wait wasn’t this announced last year?. Ill pass.

Infamous 2. Looks exciting, but never played the first so I wont pas judgement.

Starhawk, 3^rd person shooter. Ok im going to say it. STOP WITH THE FMV! Its just good to look at and that’s it.

Sly Cooper, Well at least it don’t have guns and solders in it. No game in play just MORE FMV!

Dust, Back to the FPS. THIS IS REALLY STARTING TO ANNOY ME! MAKE SOMETHING different AND STOP FARTING OUT FPS GAMES! I seriously hope the FPS market crashes and they stop making them.

Bioshock infinity, On the other hand, Bioshock is a series that looks very different and looky game in play.

Star Trek, a movie tie-in? Show me the game. Show me the game.

Parping on about EA, Great. I don’t care, EA had there own earlier.

Playstation vita, Come on stop dragging it out. It sounds to close to Vista for my liking, so will it be as rubbish as Vista. Nice specs. Tell us the battery life and the price.

Uncharted Vita, Looks gorgeous for a handheld game, but more of the same to me.

Ruined,Looks like a modern Gauntlet interesting

Modnation racers, Another make your own stuff game, ranted its a good idea, but it seems there getting lazy. After all it looks to much like a Mario Kart clone

Street fighter x Tekken, A cross over that’s not needed. Hur PS excursive character. Its that bloke from Infamous Already there’s a game that’s not suited for the Vita. I like how there avoiding the Pound sterling price, ready for us to get shafted by it.

Overall

They have calmed down with the Move and moved on to the Vita, it seems interesting at least, they just need to stop with the FMV and no in game footage.

TL;DR VITA LOOKS GREAT THE REST NOT!

E3 2011 The ubisoft saga

2011-06-06T16:47:00.000-07:00

Well its time for the Ubisoft part of E3. Instead of groaning I will sigh

Rayman, This is said a lot about this one but it does look gorgeous. Say what you like about 3D games, but this one beats them all hands down. Just hope it plays as good as it looks.

The talker seems to have the crowd dead. No applause, no laughter at his jokes

Driver San Francisco, The crowd are still dead with none excitement. How about showing some game in play footage?

Farcry 3, Sigh. All these FPS that are trying to be real are making me sick.

Brothers in arms furious 4, Sigh more playing solider, at least it isn’t taking its self to seriously.

Tin tin, Sigh a movie game. Looks like its trying to be a bit like Flashback, for kids. Ill pass

Ghost Reckon, Again. I think I prefer there classic looking game.

Trackmaina Canyon, Ha the start of this one was funny. Sounded like there mikes where off. Seems interested. I was playing Track Miana a few months back and didn’t really touch the building side of it.

Raving rabbits, Behold a crowd that are not doing anything, I think people are now sick of it. This type of shite was rubbish on the Eyetoy. Now its on Kinect. A load of grown men playing a game like this.

Just dance 3, Sigh. Wow the crowd must be asleep and who can blame them.

Rock Smith, Sigh. A bit late to the party huh Ubi

Your shape, Sigh. Well its slightly rounded. Again a dead crowd and a fast forward from me

Assassins Creed Revelations, Finally life from the crowd, not much but there is some

Overall.

Congrats that have out crapped Mircosoft with the amount of shite. The presenter was a bit stupid. The “Retro imagining” of games was interesting, if a little off (Commodore 64 games do not look like that).

TL;DR

LOAD OF SHITE

E3 2011 - the EA Sage

2011-06-06T13:35:00.001-07:00

Well its EA time and considering that the Microsoft one nearly worn out my grown gland I will be replacing grown's with birds. Increase your ornithology knowledge with me and EA

Mass Effect 3. Again?

Ea keeping it simple. Well I do say that most there own games are for simple people.

Need for speed the run. Well this is a surprise. A EA game that has been coming out every year for the t few years. Why would fans of a driving game want something thats on foot? Thats like having a fighting game that turns into a FPS. Wow Qtes in a racing game. Well DERPED EA. Also a plot in a racing game? What the fug?

Star Wars old republic. Wood warbler, is pleasing to the eye with its green colour. Come one. Two Star wars games? Mr Lucas must want a new diamond encrusted owl statue. Glad im not a fan as it would cost a fortune to keep up with the games.

SSX. REALLY! Another new game that shares the name with the original? What is it with games this year? They all seem to be coming out next year.

Fifa 12, Blue tailed bee-eater, is another one that is pleasing to the eye its tail is blue in colour apart from the tip. This isn’t news. This isn’t even E3 worthy as we know its coming out. People talking about Fifa and saying that it helps them play football? WOW! What where they smoking? Storys in a football game? Talk about things that aren't needed.

Madden 12. To us in the UK most of us don’t give a rats arse about it, buyt we have Fifa they have this. Three plays come out. Nope I don’t know any of them.

The Sims social, For those with no life. The Sims on Facebook. Bollocks to it.

The Reckoning, Not interested. Its another fantasy RPG

Overstrike, Show me some in game footage then ill say my interest level

Battlefeild 3, Golden pheasant, is the type of bird that wouldn’t look out of place in a gay parade. More playing solider crap. Overly long section where the game is played, time to check my email. Oh looky the In da 80s site is live. One good thing is there online services is going to BE FREE!! Good on them.

Well that’s your lot.

Overall. Hmm its a “Nothing to see here move along now” type situation.

TL;DR MEH VERY MEH

Ok I didn't use that many birds

Moaning about E3 - Microsoft

2011-06-06T11:04:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Moaning sod does E3 same thing as last year, but with more editing and trying to keep it to one page.

A few things where already leaked (Halo sodding 4 and the remake) and a lot of it is crap. Will the conference prove not to be?

COD 11. Lulz errors. Great to have a bit of humour to break the ice. Like farting at a interview (Hold it in doods) Its very underwater. Looks impressive, but then so did FMV games in the 90s. I’m trying not to think how all that water might mess up his gun. Lots of set peace’s, looks impressive, but it just looks like ANOTHER SOILDER BOY GAME! Its a COD, urgh its becoming like Fifa EVERY YEAR! To bad this is streamed live as I would be skipping this.

Tomb Raider. Urgh interest levels are almost flat lining. Lots of running and QTEs. Thanks Sega for making them popular. At least there’s some in game footage.

Oh dear EA sports guy. Im going to play a game as this is just sending me to sleep. Kinect and EA sports games, double the arse. None of the pleasure.

EA are only good as a publisher. Not a developer and now...

Mass Effect 3, with Kinect functions. FINALLY something that at least seems interesting. WOW the first game to make a decent use of the Kinect a side from waving your arms in the air like you just don’t care.

Ghost recon. URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! Another game about playing solider!

Its not often I say this but”For fucks sake” piss off with these playing solider games. “Make your own guns using Kinect” expect loads of the same guns online.

Kinect crap Oh wow. Voice commanded console. Not interested in the slightest. These things are very hit and miss as there’s these things called “Accents” that get in the way.

Watching live TV on your Xbox. Is it me or is that a bit backwards? YOUR USING A TV! Very backwards. The UFC thing seems interesting, but its only or people that are nerdy about it.

Gears of War 3, the only good ting I can find about it is the tune there using on the adverts. Wasn’t this shown last year as well? Playing it with someone called “Ice-Tea” his parents must have been retarded (sarcasm). Ohhhhh he’s done a little song for it. Odds on it will be crap.

Ryse a game where you do the moves and the game follows it. Yawn

Halo arrrrgh skip! Where’s the damn skip button? Oh wait! ITS LIVE! A remake of Halo. Well unlike Konamis recent one this is one OF THE FIRST GAME!

Forza 4. Urgh bloody horrible song with samples of Ozzy Ozzborne covering another song. Its a “realistic” driving game so balls to it.

Fable the journey. Fable started out as a massive game, something that was unique. Now there farting them out a hell of a lot. WITH ADDED KINECT! Bollocks to it.

MINECRAFT!! WITH KINECT!! finally something of interest on it that looks like a game (of the 80s). Typical nothing was shown and yet we get ages of the other not intersting crap

Disney land adventures. HA HA HA! On Kinect. Now you dont have to take them. Not! Call me weird, but I don’t want to see some nine year old's arse flying in front of me. Good job this game inst for me

Kinect Star Wars, hur hur hur hur hur. Behold shite that’s better done on a pad. Nice visible delay from what your doing and what hes doing. Its to active for most Star wars fans and from that we go to......

Sesame Street. THIS IS WHAT PEOPLE COME TO E3 FOR!

More Kinect crap. Wow it can make a avatar that looks kinda like you. I don’t want it. I want mine to look nothing like me. Its fun like that.

Saying top selling Kinect game is like saying “Best selling game on game.com” they are all crap, Ill say it again. Minecraft nothing, shitty sports game packs lots.

Dance central 2. Urgh.

Halo 4. Urgh

Over all

This was a epic shit fest. But shit with sprinkles in it, You have to dig threw the shit to find it.

What happened to Steel Batalion? Where are the 360 games that use the pad?

TL:DR MY GROWNING GLAND IS WORN OUT!

E3 - Konami saga

2011-06-03T16:21:00.000-07:00

Well its that time of year again. Not not Zombie Jesus day or Lemmys birthday.

Its E3 time and like last year I will be complaining about it.

So get ready for a load of words about what I think about the carp (ok and good stuff). What? Well if you don’t like it DONT READ IT! I have followed that method for years when it comes to tabloid news papers.

Ok so on to E3.

This will be done in a post for each company.

First up Konami.

Last years was bloody funny and painful, but this years?

Well I didn’t do a live blogging thing so here’s a quick summary.

Remake, Remake, Remake, Sequel, Remake, NEW GAME!, Remake, Remake and a big C.

Yeah there going down the remake path and what gets me is THERE NOT THAT OLD! Metal Gear solid 2/3 and Silent hill 2/3. Zone of Enders, Come on there PS2 games. There PS2 games that aren’t that hard to get hold of. Ok maybe not Zone of enders 2.

What do they have against remaking the first games? they look a bit arse these days and could do with a make over.

Still a new Silent hill game is coming out. It seems to be all they know how to make.

What about some of there older games? I cant be the only one that wants a new Goeman game or at least a remake of them.

What of that “NEW GAME!” I mentioned. Never dead. Its unusual for me to give a toss about a FPS, but this one looks different. The main character is immortal, he can rip off his own limbs and use them as weapons. Its not like this has been done before, but its a Japanese developer. Making a FPS, THEY HATE THEM!

the new Slient hill film was mentioned

There was also some game save sharing thing from PS3 to PSP, a interesting idea, but it only works on Metal gear solid so far and I have lost interest in that series as its the same same every time (even becoming the same story with different people).

Still the thing whole thing was at least funny, funny as it was meant to be.

The big C at the end is a bit of a obvious hint as to what’s to come, A new contra? A Contra remake. Ill wait to see.

TL:DR

Remakes, Remakes everywhere. Not a new idea among them

Im going to try and keep them to a page a peace

Im waiting

2011-05-22T03:31:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3JEORDUEqc

I love that advert and there’s a great message there for us gamers these days.

Some things are worth waiting for (for the most part) Look at some of the games I have waited for. Metal Slug X which was held back by a year for no good reason on the humble old Playstation, I waited years to get hold of a copy of Phantasy star on the Master system (this was before Ebay) and there is of course Nintendo fans. We waited a few months for Smash brothers on Wii and even the new Kirby game. Why? Well Nintendo likes to make us wait for no good reason. (read they hate us).

So waiting while annoying can be good as think of the last time you got the latest release only to find it a few months later for a few quid less an in some cases even half price. Look at Madworld last year it was forty quid. Now you can get it for four. THATS ONE ZERO OFF!! Ok thats probably because it didn’t sell well (A good Wii game not selling how unique). Some times as well probably know they don’t drop down in price for a long time (COD and Fifa are like this) or until the “sequel” comes out.(again COD and Fifa), but then nobody wants the older version.

There’s also that waiting for some games to load or for the latest firmware update. Least we forget about those old cassette computers. They took a age to load. So much time in fact that you could get a cuppa in and you had no idea if that new game was any good and worth the wait

So one thing I ask of my readers is to wait a bit as sometimes I forget to write these or cant (It helps if I am in a mood).

Thanks

(See I talked about waiting and didnt talk about Duke Nukem)

Opinsion

2011-04-15T05:52:00.000-07:00

Ok so as people that “Follow” me on Twitter will know. Over the past week I have been sorting out all the stuff at The Lass and some thing came to me.

What ever happened to consoles that could share the same cables? Not talking about the power cables as they are different, talking about the pads.

What of those 9-pin joysticks? They where great. If yours broke you could just go and buy a new 9-pin. Heck you could even buy a Mega Drive pad and use that on a Atari (For those that dont like holding some thing that’s shaped like a penis).

(I mean look at some of them)

(They really do look like a penis)

(Just don’t google “Penis Joystick”)

(Your going to aren’t you?)

(You dirty fecker)

Well the connector slides into the hole nice and snug, but try that with a Nintendo consoles. It don’t fit do it? Nintendo had to be different, but then there’s more than just a few fire buttons on it. There’s them awkwardly place select and start buttons. Now days some of these consoles do have the same connection (USB), but wont work cross platform and its understandable as they all have different things on them and have come a long way from one button one stick.(Shaped like a penis)

(With a big red bit on top)

Thanks for reading.

APRIL FOOL! Oh its after midday

2011-04-01T06:17:00.000-07:00

What ever happened to “Good” funny April fools jokes? I mean like in games mags. Its alive and well online with all those ruining Duke Nukem Forever coming out jokes (Or even Duke Comes out?). I remember they used to be funny. Like with the Ultimate Fighting Universe (Still a better idea than Street fighter x Tekken) and Iznogood.....oh wait that was a real game.

I was going to do one online this year, but with all this time zone crap.

Maybe the death of Computer and Video games mag has led to them fizzling out and that is a shame as I loved the letters page the following month of people failing to spot it or even getting the wrong one (Yes there is a game called Iznogood and surprisingly it is no good, but what do you expect ITS FRENCH! The only decent thing that was animated that came out of France was Asterix).

But I did see one that was kinda obvious on Tokyo Toshokan where it has a splash screen saying that the FBI have taken it off line

So I was looking round for some this year and found none. Maybe us net heads are wiser to it.

I am your moaning sod thanks for reading.

Manual or auto

2011-03-24T17:36:00.000-07:00

Get this I like to read things. I have read all sorts (Not the sweets), but like most I tend to read when I have nothing else to do. (like when having a crap, nobody wants shit on there handhelds clogging up the buttons, plus if the book is rubbish it will become bog roll) and one thing that I seem to browse threw is video game manuals.. Yes them little books that come with games. They are a right mixed bag. From the HOLYCRAPFULLCOLOURITSLIKESOMEKINDOFMADACID INDUCEDTRIPWHILESKIPINGTHEWAFEILDOFPONYSTHATAREMADEOFSKITTLES! that is the Japanese ones. To the Thisislikesomekindaofofficaldocument that is the US ones and the middle of the road UK ones. Some can be better than the game that there written about (Red Ninja has pictures). So yes they are good things.

There is also collectors that insist on having them and all the other junk that gets packed with there games and some retailers wont take a game as a exchange if they don’t have any.

So when I read the following earlier this week....

I was first in a rage about it. Then I remembered that its my old friend EA and they are only in it for the money. As it states EA will have in game how to's. So dose that make it better?

I say no. Ok maybe not “no” like that more like “NO!” with a slap to the face and a kick to the balls.

Ok reading on a bit more they are doing it mostly with there sports titles. I think most the sheep that by there yearly updates don’t read them anyway and people like that are un herd (derp) of in my eyes.

But if you look at most games manuals these days they can be no more than a sorry excuse for a flyer with the same amount of info.

In game ones are ok and all, but I like to read them on the bog.

So I wipe my arse with there money saving idea.

If making the game got cheaper will they still be full price?

Cheap games from EA?

Ok maybe not

Ducking cover

2011-03-21T10:57:00.001-07:00

Ok so get this. If there’s one thing I hate in First Person Shooters these days its the following. “Duck and cover” or “Hide and seek”. Basically run to a bit of wall and hide behind it, pop out and shoot, now repeat until you go to the next wall, now turn the sodding thing off and stick on something “Fun”. FPS of the past where more like “JUST BRING IT!” now its more like “Oh don’t shoot me it might hurt”. Yeah I prefer the older way. It feels a lot less like virtual playing peak-a-boo. Ok so some “Wankers” past round the whole “Its strategic”. What is? Doing the same thing over and over? To me that’s just like in space invaders, only using the chickening out method and only popping out when you feel “Safe” where

as older FPS you just stand in the open telling them to “BRING ON THE PAIN!” then move a bit to the right or left (never both).

So again I say im waiting for Duke Nukem for ever to come and show the pansy’s how its done (again).

Shooters now

Shooters then

Nuff said

Things I hate about games I love

2011-03-11T08:18:00.000-08:00

Welcome to another things I hate about games I love. A look into what kinda spoils a game experience on those masterpieces, but not as much for me to call it “Totally arsetastic”

This time its the turn of OutRun 2006 sp

So hold on and get ready to probably agree with what I am complaining about.

Ill start by saying that OutRun 2006 sp is probably the happiest game I have ever played. Its just so damn cheery and positive. Its the type of game that will stop me from feeling like its time to end it all. Its that positive. So its great, but what about what I hate about it? Well here we go. This is going to be tricky.

-First up its the menus. Ok these don't mean bugger all when driving, but they could at least make them a little easier to get threw. All that small writing and the noise as your going threw them don't help, but like I said they don't really ruin the game. While im on about that, cant it remember the last car you picked so that on your next go threw its the first one selected?

-When you finish a course you have to go back threw all these menus to change something like the music. While Magical sound shower its a great tune, I dont want to hear it all the time.

-The driver (lets call him Gitty Mc Fartpants). Hes a smug git like every sod that has a Fararri and has the type of face you want to slap, hes probably the type of person that goes to wine bars and has a favourite number and brand of wine and say things like “This has a nice body with good colour and tastes a bit like the last burning ember on the camp fire at my old log cabin that I rent out to a nice couple every year for a few weeks at a high price. Hes just that much of a git.

-The points thing. I have yet to unlock every thing as its a bit stingy the amount it gives at the end of every race and there never enough to buy anything.

-The Driver. HE IS A GIT! With a small penis.

-His bird. Probably only with him as he has a Ferrari, but what she says makes me want to shut her up with some sort of gag. Also what she says while your driving means she is the exactly type who probably gets easily distracted by..................Oh look a seagull.

-The timer. Unless its on easy it will run out on you even if you are on a perfect run.

-Car vs bus/truck. Car wins. WTF? Ok it is a arcade game and is not meant to be realistic, but still this is a bit silly.

-PSP link up? Anyone ever done this. Does it do anything good or is it a bit arse?

-The driver he’s a small penised smug git that is probably spoiled by his parents.

I have just realised that I CONTROLL HIM!

Ok time to go ram his posh car into a tree and see the lack of any kind of damage. Just emotional as his bird tells him off

Well there you have it. Some shit about something that is not shit.

Im going off to play it for a bit to cheer my self up.

What about just me?

2011-02-18T09:56:00.000-08:00

Right there is something that annoys me about all these recent Capcom fighting games. It is this. NO SINGLE PLAYER MODES! Ok fighting games are meant to be played vs, but look at them. You have Arcade mode, vs and some kind of trails mode. Its great that they now have online gubbins, but what about if you want to play solo for a bit? Have they forgotten about a simple survival mode? Ive play budget fighting games that include one of these. They got this bang on with Alpha 3. That has modes that made it more than a simple vs game, even the arcade mode was great, but I spent most my time in the wonderful World tour mode. That was a thing of greatness and annoyance (some of the challenges are not suited to all characters). Im sure with these consoles they can at least bung a few extra modes. Im not asking for Alpha 3 on Dreamcast amount of modes, just a bit more solo scraping for your money.

Yars rearrange

2011-02-07T10:40:00.000-08:00

Yars Revenge more info

You know what?

IF ITS NOTHING THE THE ORIGINAL IT SHOULDN'T BARE ITS NAME!

Call the game something other than Yars Revenge as its NOT THE SAME SMEGING GAME!

Moaning sod - PSP1 and two thirds

2011-02-04T11:53:00.000-08:00

Well this is this weeks moan and its in picture form......

I really dont feel like typing it up

Yars nooo

2011-01-14T10:32:00.000-08:00

Another video one

See it here

Arsecade

2010-12-10T07:57:00.000-08:00

Whoa a none video one.

You wont be seeing my ugly face this time.

Ok so arcade machines. These monoliths (or stereoliths if you are getting fancy). YES I AM MOANING ABOUT THEM!, ok not them in general, but the shape of them. I know there meant to be big(probably to stop people from nicking them as when most are opened up there’s next to noting inside). I am talking about a certain type. These are those generic ones that are made with no game in mind. Like those Candy cabs (google it). Admittedly they are nice and great space savers, but they ain’t a patch on a good old defecated cabs like Operation Wolf, Pac-Man Silent hill (yes there’s a arcade version of it and its good) and OutRun 2 (probably one of the most happy games ever) and etc etc.(In before sarcasm) Its just these generic ones are a bit soulless, with all there brighter than white colour scheme. I know there’s are dark times for the humble old arcade and its a damn sight cheaper to make a board than a entire cab dedicated to one game, but what about a bit of branding? A sticker for the side of the cab or a marque? It cant cost that much to make them.

I am the moaning sod and that was this Fridaily moan thanks for reading

Capcom Ryuharsh again

2010-12-05T03:05:00.000-08:00

Yep its another video one. You dont have to watch it (for the most part)

Click the link to see it

TL;DW - EVIL RYU ONI AKUMA WHY?

Move - Is in da porn

2010-12-01T06:45:00.000-08:00

The usual trawl threw the news sties made my eyes see the following

The nerd within thought "You doing it wrong"

The dirty fecker thought "It needs to be lower"

The gamer thought "What are they playing?"

Kinect is not arse

2010-11-27T14:56:00.000-08:00

Ok its time for me to Get my moan on.

Its bound to be Friday somewhere in the universe.

I have been in to much of a good mood in the past few days due to recent developments. (I walk and play with dogs for a living what do you do you desk bound peons? Just make the rich richer? Ill save the bragging till I find out if I like it.

Well in the past you lot have found out that I don’t like the Kinect one bit. That is a lie. I like the hardware. I like the hardware a lot it shows promise. You can see a lot of what’s its good for on the following site.

Kinect hacks

Microsoft are being nice and allowing this as it means they are shifting them. It also means that the pack in game is getting traded in. So good on them! Really I’m glad that they are letting people do great things with great tech. Even if it is just a tarted up Eyetoy. The move on the other hand........Nobody wants to have it as they have had the Wiimote for the past few years and it has all been done with that.

So yes this is me praising the Kinect, BUT NOT THE GAMES! The games are still the bottom of a can of spam at the bottom of a skip with other spam about somebody getting there teeth white marked “Bull shit only”. (My teeth are white as I don’t eat half the crap most people do).

So yeah THE KINECT IS RADICAL! Its just the games I have a problem with.

(Children of Eden might be good, I am not looking forward to it)

Midweek madness Movie moan

2010-11-23T02:55:00.000-08:00

Oh looky its a video one

Click the link to see it. There where a few takes as sometimes the parrot is a bit too noisy while I talk

3DS goes red and black with a hint of shite

2010-11-19T06:18:00.000-08:00

Ok so this weeks Moan is a video one and here it is

Additional.
The console in question is arse. The idea behind it was good to start with then they removed all but two colours

Show some COD RESPCT!

2010-11-12T06:52:00.000-08:00

Ok that video moan I was going to do is on the back burner for a week (gotta make is sound less like I am whispering), but mainly as there is another thing that really gets on my flat man tits. It is the following...
Check the dates that the last COD games have come out. Its ok I can wait.......
Yeah they are bringing them out a bit to close to November the eleventh (Armistice day). Why are they bringing a game about shooting people in some war type thing around this time? Cant they hold it off for a few weeks? Or are they just being uncaring little fags? I am voting for the later.
Ok I admit that I think the COD games are a example of copy paste game design to the extreme as thats how they make them. As a matter of fact they change very little of it and call it “NEW” and that its self isn't that “New” its so old that its in a old folk’s home on life support and only coming out to get fed more soup (with out chunks).
One thing they could at least do is turn the online/servers off for a few minutes and show a poppy just to show some kind of respect, but no. That would require a bit of programming that isn't just copy paste.
TL:DR
COD guys dont do respect

Shining farce

2010-11-04T04:30:00.001-07:00

Well its time to “Get my moan on” and there has been one thing bugging me of late. Ok a few “Things” that have been. Not all games related, but ill keep them to off topic moans in the middle of the week. Heck I have a few in writing that have those little full stops in a line like this ”............” to remind me to finish them. Ok that’s enough of that you are probably only reading this to read my a bit long rants about games.

There’s a sires that seems to of stopped being made. It is one of those that is fondly remembered among fans. One that I my self think has no black sheep in its family (No its not Bubsy). One that ok it is still going, but not in the way its fans want it to be and this makes them sad (and my more annoyed than Mr Angry losing on a game thanks to a cheap CPU player). This series name is “Shining Force” Ok the “Shining” series is still going, but they are nothing like the Shining Force games as well for starters they are not Strategy Role Playing Games (SRPG for short). Why they are not making the Shining force games is a mystery as SRPGs are still being made and are still popular. Ok so they have changed a little since the Shining Force games started out, but that’s called progress. If that never happened we would be stuck playing updates of the same old games (Street fighter 2 I am looking at you).
In my eyes its PROGRESS MY ARSE! What’s wrong with new versions of older games? Well for those that didn't know Sega are still putting out the first few Shining force games, but not the third one. WHY NOT THE THIRD?
Come on Sega. That was one of the last few games on the Saturn in the UK and they DIDNT FINISH IT OFF! Well not for us poor sods in the UK. Parts two and three are out in Japan (two has been given a fan translation). So everywhere else don't get the full story just part of it. To get what im talking about. Picture Star Wars. Now think of it as only the Phantom Menace (Ouch thats a sore point for Star Wars fans) that can be watched and the rest of them in some alien language. Yes its just like that. Only with something that will make you want to watch it all or play it all in this case (and no Jar jar binks).
In recent years the “Shining” series of games have become awful (well the ones that came out over here a lot stayed in the US/Japan, but going off reviews we haven’t missed much.)
Or maybe it is that the company that made them (they have gone by a few names, but are known as Camelot software planing) are afraid of the likes of Disgaea, Fire emblem, Advance/whatever Wars and Final Fantasy Tactics.
Ok maybe not some of them as they are shite, but Disgaea shows us how its done thanks to the amount of stats adding that will make Carol Vordaman confused, character building that will make a weekend company course look crap and the longevity of a book that makes you forget you read it at the end of it.(very handy unless its crap).
Its that good. Ok its story and settings are a lot more varied than Shining Force (Netherworld, Earth, Space and some dungeons), but at least the characters are different and above all else ITS FUNNY! Humour is something that is lacking from a lot of games these days and this game has loads of it, but its not something that you can just complete and put it to one side. Its something that will eat up your spare time and has that old “One more go thing”
For something a bit more Shining force like Id suggest you try some thing like Fire Emblem and Final Fantasy tactics.
But in the eyes of me. The eyes of the one that writes these damn things so my eyes are the most important to me.
DISGAEA IS THE BEST OF THEM! There are others in the series, but I feel that the first is best. Heck even Nippon Ichis other SRPG out put is great. Makai Kingdom is a great SRPG with out the grid, but still keeping it. In a bizarre way. Tis is the type of progress that is wanted. Heck even the storyline is nuts(main character becomes a book to save him self from dying and trys to regain his own power).
Ok I admit I had fun with some of the spin off’s like Shining the Holy ark and errr.
OK THATS THE ONLY ONE!
Ok Wisdom was fun in a Zelda rip off way. I stopped caring when Sega stopped releasing them over here.
So a plea to Sega and Camelot software planing. PLEASE MAKE MORE SHINING FORCE! Ok at least give us a translated version of Shining force three.

TL: DR
SHINING FORCE WHERE?

Next weeks Moan shall be a video one.

Thingy

2010-10-28T15:30:00.000-07:00

Ok to people that are reading this.
Do you have a blog?
Do you want a few extra views?
Do you want a page on my site?(New-Tabs.com)
Contact me and ill sort it

Deus EX perfect? MY ARSE!

2010-10-28T15:26:00.000-07:00

Ok so bare with me on this. Here’s a moan about a perfect game or games.

Now they will be about the games I will call the best they are at what they do. Well in my eyes anyway.

What’s gonna be the first up in my eyes?

Well its critically acclaimed shooter

Deus EX

This game has a load of problems with it, but is perfect and one that don't have to many trying to be it. Why I do not know. It had a sequel that was not as bad as people say (there are worse RPG/FPS games out there). Its a really good game in its own right and a third in making, but I know little about it apart that my PC wont handle it. Ok this is about the first.

To give you a idea about the game and why its good in one sentence its like this -

Mod your self up, read objective, do it how ever you want, the more you play the more things you find to do.

Sounds great huh?

You can read reviews that talk about what’s great about it so here is what’s I hate about it.

There are going to be spoilers in this post for the game, but if you haven’t played it yet go and play it now.

The PS2 version.

They tried, oh boy they tried, but the PS2 lost some things (like the controls) and gain some others (annoying loading times). Its a good thing to start with, but feels a bit enclosed and not as open as the PC version. Still worth checking out.

The lack of pad support.

I don't know why they can't just let you use one, but a game like this isn’t really suited to a pad. Still my half pads half game control’s would be great for it.

The story.

Not one of its strongest points. As a matter of fact its flat and been done before.

Death seems to come all to easy.

Ok this is meant to make it a bit more realistic, but on easy?

Getting tranquillised.

This is really annoying. It does not effect the CPU like it does the player. Heck the CPU can keep shooting that crap into you while you try to shoot back.

Quick save

This is a game breaker. You can do a quick save at any time as soon after the other as you want. This can take out some of the risks in experimenting and experimenting is what this games all about. Add in a save anywhere any time thing and its ruined.

None of your decisions effect the out come of the game.

Ok so threw out the game you can make decisions about what to do.(like on the first bit you can tell Gunter to stay put or give him a gun to kill people). Nothing else really happens. It is not talked about at all afterwards.

The last bit of the game.

You slog all the way threw, make loads of decisions and at the end its all down to doing one of three things to see the end and it all feels a bit rushed.

Some of the voice acting.

Ok Annas voice made me have a special feeling, but we’re talking lame here. At least there was now annoying ones. It was just more wooden than a lumber yard.

The soddign name.

“Deus EX” Bloody rubbish. Why the “EX?” Sounds like people are trying to say “Do ya sex”

So there you have it. Damn fine game with a load of flaws. Do they spoil it?

Do they smeg

And in closing ill just leave this here

Kinecting the spam

2010-10-20T03:29:00.003-07:00

Wow to early moans in the past few weeks. This is mainly because I have been in the mood earlier than usual. So what’s got me “Getting my moan on” this week to the extent that I am doing it early?

Well its the following.....

Ok so the Kinect is out soon. Excited for it? I tell you what it looks promising. If you are blind, but if you are blind what are you doing reading this? (unless its the future and this is a brail screen)Well that is if you have the room for it and looking at my small council flat I don't. Well its not like I was gonna buy it anyway, but what it a new bit of hardware with out games? I tell ya what it is “Useless”, but what are these games that will make us have to move our furniture to play it? Well here it is THE LIST OF DRED and it seems to be THE LAW that they fill it up with the kind of crap that was out on the Wii about five years ago.

Kinect Adventures (Good Science Studio/Microsoft) – You know the one that uses that shitty little boat? THIS IS IT! Off to a good start then
Kinectimals (Frontier/Microsoft) – Nintendogs the full version only with a Tiger to show kids that Tigers make good pets.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1 The Video game (EA/EA Bright Light) – The trend that is Harry potter is not dead yet. Just festering in sell out heaven
Dance Central (MTV Games/Harmonix) – Gamespam its arse anyway.
Your Shape: Fitness Evolved (Ubisoft) - For people that live in dodgy neighbourhoods that want to get fit. THIS IS FOR YOU!
The Biggest Loser Ultimate Workout (THQ) – To easy. NEXT!
Kinecting pornstar (LulZ inc) – DERP!
EA Sports Active 2 (EA Sports) - Piss off EA
Zumba Fitness (Majesco) – Why not make it “Zombie fitness”? Think about it. You are the zombie trying to stop your limbs from falling or getting shot off. Dodge those bullets (inc bullet time)
Get Fit With Mel B (Black Bean Games/Lightning Fish) – Lets face it. She needs the money
DanceEvolution (Konami) – Why Konami? MAKE A NEW GEOMON GAME!
Dance Paradise (Mindscape/Smackdown Productions) – More acting like a prat on camera
Kinect Sports (Rare/Microsoft) – Oh Rare. What have you become? You have lost what made you great.
MotionSports (Ubisoft) – Whoopee a sports game. How unique.
Sports Island Freedom (Konami/Hudson Soft) - Well at least it isn’t a forced motion Bomberman.
Kinect British isles sports – Ok I come up with this one, but why no games based on our odd sports? Chase the Cheese would be hard to do
Kinect Joy Ride (Big Park/Microsoft) – Will it come with a “hotwire ya own ride” option?
Fighters Uncaged (Ubisoft) – Or the one that might end up in a punch up if your both drunk.
Sonic Free Riders (Sega) – Look something that is different
Crossboard (Konami) – Oh wait maybe not. Ok this is snowboarding.

And lastly

Game Party in Motion – Saved this one till last as it has a list of other games on it. Notably these...

Darts – Note you don't have to look like a darts player to play. Id be interested to see how this works. What with being somebody that plays darts (not very well).
Horseshoe Hysteria – Id prefer the noble sport of Welly Wanging.
Root Beer Tapper – TAPPER!! Teach your kids to pull pints from the safety of your own home. Ok maybe not. Strange that this is the only game in this entire line up that I wouldn’t mind playing.

There you have it. Its a line up alright. A line up of shit and that’s not a nice line up un less you are a scat fan. If you are you are one sick werido (note I didn't mean the music type of scat). As far as “Motion control’s” go it certainly isn’t a moving line up for those of us that like a little depth to our games. Or a story of sorts. Heck even Pong had a story line (Left player is being tormented by the right and is trying to get his revenge by batting a spiky ball at him), but these games? NONE!

Not even a simple one. Heck the only game for it that looks interesting is that “Child of Eden” and the best thing is IT CAN BE PLAYED WITH A PAD!. There was also a announcement of Steel Battalion for it.

Yeah right.

From 30 buttons and a man sized controller to NONE and fannying about in mid air pretending to be piloting a mech.

Screw you Capcom. Make a decent sequel and some way of using that manly controller on the 360.

The Kinect is going to be like the Wii. Fun for a short while, but where are the decent games? Heck WHERE ARE THE ONES THAT CANB BE CALLED “GAMES”?

Also I saw that on Opreah (don't watch it only read about it)she gave them away to her “Fans” they will probably the worst people to give a bit of tech to as they will probably be the type of people that don't own a 360. Or know how to wire one up. So they will be seen down the pawn shop flogging it off. Bit like the rest of them in a few weeks .

TL;DR

Buy it this is the games thing for somebody with the attention span such as yours

Copy pasta

2010-10-19T07:36:00.000-07:00

Medal of Honor the new one till the next then?

Look at the box art thingy

Now look at the posters for Duke Nukem Forever

Runing out of ideas EA? Or are you trying to copy the awsomeness that is Dukes arse that you can kiss when this game comes out (finally)

Ye Legende of ye Moaning sod

2010-10-15T03:37:00.001-07:00

Ye Legende of ye Moaning sod

Long ago there existed nothing. Just a empty space. This space was soon to be filled up like a virgin taking her first bit of action, but unlike her it was to be filled up with crap. Like the mentioned crap, this crap is like a Wii games display in somewhere like Game. There is lots of bad crap and little good crap and a few black-holes that suck. One tiny insignificant part of this space will soon be taken up by a planet called “Earth” this is the place where lots of shit happens. Where a race of beings called “Homosapains” (some more homo than others) that evolved from slime (some still are slime) and decided that some will be arseholes to each other. Said arsehole probably got into shit for it and probably ended up as shit in the ground when they died. In ide them all something was crawling inside. Something that is still there to this day.

Skip forward a few thousand years as most of the rest of them had to much shit to list. To the 80s a decade full of shit. Some good shit (Atari 2600 yo) some bad shit (some of them songs) and at the end of the first year of that decade of shit I was born I am still unsure if I am good shit or bad shit.

That thing mentioned in the last paragraph is also inside me.

It crawls round inside.

It is that being that comes out in the words of this here blog.

That thing is

Ye Moaning sod

A being of hostility to all things rubbish and annoying in games and life. He wants them to stop, but it is a never ending quest as he will always find something new to complain about.

He is described as a large troll like being with hair that dangles like a shredded shower curtain. With what looks like the bristles of a paint brush on his chin. His fashion sense is like the decade he is from. He is normally a nice bloke, until he “Gets his moan on” then you don't wanna be round him as shit will fly.

Ok just the words. A load of words. Some times pictures

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2010-10-11T14:42:00.000-07:00

About time I got my arse in gear and changed the look of this site.

Why wood?

WOOD IS GOOD!

Plus it looks like I am in a shead

Thing of the moment

2010-10-11T14:07:00.000-07:00

I was really not in the mood for gaming shit like this, but here I go.

Remember when Microsoft said "No controller for Kinect"?
Well here is something that is just the thing that they siad was not going to be done, but some faggy little third party comapny went and did it anyway for shites and money.

A soding dingy for those with no dignity

What the red ring of satan after he has pooped out some razor wire is this shit? Well there blurb says the following.....

Game Boat™ is de facto the first accessory for the
peripheral which doesn't need any. The first product in the Play On™ line-up brings the entertainment of Kinect Adventures™ game out of the tv set, directly in your living room! Game it Real™ ! With this real-size replica of Kinect Adventures™'s awesome dinghy .
Size: 150 x 150 cm. Ideal to comfortably play in 2 gamers simultaneously, still without being clumsy in the living room.
Easily inflated in a few minutes through the practical pump (included). Game Boat™ can also be used in the watyr, at the sea or at the pool, by children and adults.

They say that I say its one of those cheap arse little inflatables that you can get from those little beach huts or Arogs for a few quid.

You know what they can do with this shite?

DO YOU!

YES YOU DO!

Inflate the boat then go out to sea in a storm and get lost at sea. htis is the type of shite we expect on the Wii not the 360.

If you are curious to want one here is a link to the site for it

But dont come crying to me when your pussy pops the damn thing.

FECK OFF 3D

2010-10-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

Okm so I was srcolling threw Showcase cinemas up coming attractions to see if there are any films that I will facny going to see (that place needs a loyalty card) and come accross the following.

AND I QUOTE..

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, NOW IN 3D

Times: 12.00 Midnight
Director: George Romero
Runtime: 96 minutes
Cert: 18

SUMMARY
Ben (Duane Jones) and Barbara (Judith O'Dea) battle constant attacks from dead locals who have been brought back to life by mysterious radiation. The film is about their efforts, along with five other people, to survive the night while trapped in a rural Pennsylvania farmhouse. 'Night of the Living Dead, Now in 3D' is the original version of the 1968 thriller directed by George Romero and is now fully restored and in 3D

(Also realated to the recent Star Wars re-re-re-release news)

Why the fugging smeging Satans sweatty pants in hell are they doing this shite? NOT EVERY FILM SHOULD BE IN 3D!

Do what happend with the recent back to the future and have a normal release. This 3D anal leakage of a cat with gut problems is getting out of hand. WAY OUT OF HAND! STOP IT! Really! Think of those people that where glasses. I don't know how they cope. 3D should of stayed dead back in the 80s. the reason why films like these where good is that they are untouched classics. Heck the film in question was black and while (later coloured in).

Ok people probably felt the same with the Black and white one becoming colour and I still stand by my and loads of others opinion that the black and white version is better. Whats next? HD? With added owl? Kids version (yeah right).

Ok so the midnight showing is a great idea for a film like this (not my local its not a nice aera at 1am), but why 3D? Its becomeing like a cancer. Look at home 3D set ups. You have to remain sitting up right and still. Bollocks to that.

You want to watch it.

Watch it as it was intended.

Ok via Youtube

But dim the lights. Failing that get ya hammer. Or squint

Farce training

2010-09-24T06:53:00.000-07:00

Ok so get this. I have been watching a lot of TV on Youtube. 4OD seem to have a lot of great old TV programs (and a load of shite) so in the past week I have watched a few series from my childhood (Ok I was not the target audience) and in them there are adverts, lots of adverts and they are often repeated. Ok so they have to pay the bills somehow and some are kinda funny. ONCE!, but im not going to moan about them I am going to focus on one thing that was advertised in them. No not the new Fifa. It is a Dsi game. No its not one you think its this.

What the fug? A game that trains you face? Why?
What kind of mindless drones buy this shite? Well ill tell you. Its those “Norms” that got there DS for that “Brain Training” game. Why would you want to train your face unless you are that shallow in which case you will probably use all those creams and crap you find in most girls bathrooms. What’s the point of it? It just seems to be another one of those things that I would feel sorry to call “A game”, but think of it like this. Those “Norms” probably will buy it over something that can be called “A game” Heck it even comes with a stand to put it on. What about those with a massive face? Will they have sit sit away from it so they cant read the text on screen? They could at least try to make it into a game, but id have no idea how a high score board on it will work? Will it time how long you can hold a face breaking smile?
I mean look at Brain training. It at least had some kind of interactivity on it. This thing all you do is put it down and look at it. If I wanted to look at a DS screen Id put a video on it. If I wanted to practice my smile id watch some thing funny.
Sod this spamware shite

Heres one thing you can do when you see it
1- Look confused
2- Shake head
3- FacePalm

Coming soon
Handtraining
"How to train your hands to play games"

Wow the move sells well

2010-09-17T12:18:00.000-07:00

Mean while at the ques for PS3s move

FPS Hell 4

2010-09-17T08:26:00.000-07:00

Ok there has been a lack of content on here of late. I was going to make up some fancy arsed excuse, but that would be my equivalent of “The dog ate it”. Damn them internet dogs. There a load of woofters and there barking up the wrong tree, ok that’s enough of the doggy puns. The bottom line is “I couldn't be arsed” and that’s the bottom line cause I say so. Also did you read the tweet from last Friday?
To quote Michael Cole (WWE) “and I quote”

I dont think I shld of listend 2 Auralmoon ths close 2 writing ths weeks moan i'm 2 RELAXED!!! FUNK YEAH PROG ROCK!!

(don't worry not all are like that)
I need to be aggressive to do these things you know. Also a lot of tea helps and I was running low on LANCASHIRE TEA bags (there’s a plug). Ill work on a video on how to moan when I can be arsed. Anyway that’s enough of that on to this weeks moan. I had a few ideas for this weeks (the spice will flow), but instead I am going to be finishing off my “FPS Hell” one. There might be more at later dates, but ill keep them as a suprise.
So lastly this one is going to be about the universal debate about them and that is “What is the better control scheme?”
What am I talking about? Well here it is.
- PC users say “Mouse and keyboard” and for slower paced games (Portal, Deus EX) I tend to agree, but my set up is a bit different as my PC is not tied to a desk (its on a tea trolley)and I use a trackball (its bloody great for internets). I don't use wireless parts as for some bloody reason they refuse to work in this flat. On the PC front I did do a strange configuration for some of my games that was “Half pad half keyboard” I used this on Portal and the pad (360) replaced the mouse and felt quite good. Sadly not all games have the “edit control’s” option that goes as deep as that. It was great thought.
- Console users say “Duel analogue sticks” is the best. This is great for fast paced games. Think of us poor sods that remember playing on NON ANALOG PADS! Yeah us that played Doom on the SNES and Zero Tolerance on the Mega Drive did so with out them. This was ok thought as one of the things I like to say is “A game is best made when its made to suit the controller” and these did. Ok so these games didn’t really make full use of looking up and down (ZT did let you look up. Don't know why as there was nothing up there) and weapon cycling can be a pain (there was one that let you bind a weapon to a button cant remember its name). So yes for some games this works better, wait for almost all games this works well, but let me throw you a “Curve ball” (baseball turm I have picked up on even if I do think its a tarted up “Rounders”) and say this.
- N64 pad. Oh yes the N64 had loads of shooters. It was the 360 of two gens ago, but then the FPS games where at least “Decent” and it had Turok 2, Perfect Dark and Forsaken ( the PSOne had that one as well, but the N64 on is better). This controller pattern kinda copy’s the keyboard way. This is great till your analogue stick becomes “loose” then you are nackerd.
- Wiimote/Move YOU SIR ARE A IDIOT! That’s all that can be said to them
I think the pad/keyboard and mouse one is best put into practice with official top game “Deus EX” (if you haven’t played it you don't have a opinion on FPS'. Ot bad I didn't write this a few months back as it was on “Steam” for three quid and you got the sequel that isn't as good, but still better than most FPS games). It is out on PS2 and PC annnnnnnd I wont do that comparison thing on here I will save it for my main site as there are a lot of changes to the PS2 version. The second one feels a lot more console friendly.
There is no true winner in the control’s argument as its down to the game that your playing with them and how well it has been changed for the console. If you need to go into different menus quite fast the PC way is best, where as its a bollocks to it shoot everything orgy of death with things flying at you I will say pad.

TLDR
Hmm how to shorten this? Control’s depend on the user and game. There is no winner.

One last thing to be said.
Do gun games (House of the dead/Virtua Cop/Ghost squad)c ount as First person shooters? As you are seeing them as if you are looking threw the eyes of the player. Ok I will settle for “On rails FPS” but they can be fun.

mini moan 1

2010-09-03T02:00:00.000-07:00

Mini moan time. The FPS one will continue next week.
Gaming events are nice, but expensive and socail.
Enjoy your online gaming

FPS hell 3

2010-08-27T08:39:00.000-07:00

Well come to this part (huh huh part) of my “FPS HELL!” thingy.
Here is one particular annoyance for me in these games. Yet again it can be applied to some other games.
Ill start with a flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Playing Halo.(yeah this game comes up a lot)
Walking round taking things out with my rifle thing. I go to where they all died and spot a rather handy “Big gun”, but I cant carry it. So I am left with holding a rifle and a shitty pistol.
This fills me full of rage. I know they are trying to keep it real, but ITS A SCI-FI SHOOTER! Sod realism. It gets in the way yet again. ITS A GAME! SET ON A FICTIONAL PLANET! SHOOTING AT FICTIONAL ALIENS! Frak it. In Turok, Serious Sam, Painkiller and EVEN ZELDA! You could hold some stupidly big weapons and where do they keep-em? In that little pocket? In Sams case I think that is implausible as his jeans are tight, Turok? Well its been shown that he keeps them in his pouch that’s like a TARDIS only without time travel.
This is also one of my gripes about Deus EX everything is stored in a item menu and I mean EVERYTHING! So it fills up quite fast. Do you discard a gun as you no longer get ammo for on a regular basis? Or trade it for a different one? Well my recent game of it I have tried to stick to the same ones, but now I am out of rifle ammo. I don't wanna chuck the damn thing away as its been upgraded and has been my best friend since the start.
The less said about Resident Evil the better, but the fourth and fifth had a decent compromise and made it like a frozen game of Tetris with stupid peace’s that aren’t made of four squares. Ok bad example you know what I mean (I hope).
I know these things are ment to be making us pick our weapons seriously, but if you are me you like “A little something for every occasion” or a big ROCKETLUUUUANCHERRRR!! just to aim at peoples arse and inject them with a large insertion of steel love that may go off inside them filling them full of loveable hate that spews out on people near by so they to can feel my big rocket of love as well. (wait what?)

Watch the following video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dsWO6OZufw

Ok they are all smaller guns, but add a backpack on him and he can carry even more.
ITEM SLOTS DONT EFFECT REAL LIFE!!

TLDR
Bloody hate damn item slots makes me want to fill there “item slots” with my fist

FPS Hell 2

2010-08-20T08:10:00.001-07:00

Welcome to FPS hell
PART errr what comes after 1?
Here’s another thing that annoys me. Its not just about FPS games, its about games in general, but mostly about FPS'.
It is forced driving, turret and ONLY DO THIS sections. There are a few major culprits of these most notably Half Life 2 (OI STOP THAT BOOING ITS NOT PERFECT!) I mean look at it. Its a game about shooting not driving as the control’s where meant for shooting. You don't buy a racing game and expect to get out and “pop-a-cap” in the driver in fronts tires do you? Ok Lucky and Wild aside. I know they are trying to spice things up a bit, but when the car handles like a slug on ice (ORIGINAL IDEA DO NOT STEAL!) it makes it feel just damn wrong if they are to have these vehicle sections let us be where ever we want. One the first annoyances of this for me was in the first Halo. Being forced to take the wheel when a nupty took control of the gun and got us shot to fug while I tried to steer the damn thing threw a narrow corridor and later on in the game where I have to do that get out of the place before it blows up thing that HAS BEEN DONE TO DEATH AND CAN BE ANNOYING IF SOME BUGGER IS SCREAMING AT ME TO HURRY UP! On second thoughts knowing the CPUs Ai id be better off as the driver as he might just end up driving into a wall or worse still into a damn pitfall leaving my cursing his name as we plunge into the depths of the “Restart at last check point” message. Even worse than that is underwater/space bits so now we have a new axes to annoy us. No longer confined to over there and that way we now have up there and down there as well and to make things worse if you bump into things you get damage. Why can't they just give us the option of “Riding shotgun” and shooting stuff. Surely those that like these sections are those with short attention spans that like to see all those explosions and pretty colours.
Turrets in games can be annoyances as well.
Think of it like this. From moving round dodging bullets to being stuck on the spot moving a cursor round and holding fire and getting shot some new holes. Worse still is when its on a moving thing in some car chase in space thing or if it has some kind of “heat” gauge that likes to fill up very fast so you are left standing there behind a load of temporary useless metal and being used as a place to hold freshly used rounds/bullets. These are favoured by noobs until they get taken out by a sniper, throw a fit and rage quit.
Lastly for this weeks part (huh huh part) we have those sections where you are forced to do something in the way the game wants it. Half Life 2 part 2s last section springs to mind as one of these bits (look it up). Destroy these tripod things with sticky bombs that have a rubbish firing ark. Why not give me a ROCKET LUANCHAIR!! and enough ammo to take out every ant in the world twice (ok over kill alert) worse still is force fed sniper sections ok so for the most part this is now I like to kill things, from the distance and unseen, but slap on a time limit and limited ammo and “Shakey vision” and you got me getting pissed off at the gunner for being a prick. Wait that s me?
Ok then getting pissed over the annoying well trained marine that has shakey hands due to all those years of UZI abuse. A ADDITCION THAT MUST BE STOPPED!
Bit like these forced driving sections

FPS - Hell 1

2010-08-13T11:27:00.001-07:00

So welcome to what will be a few weeks of posts about what I hate about a lot of these newer First Person Shooters. In the coming weeks there will be moans about each one of there little annoyance that make me question “Why am I playing this shit?”

This one is going to be about the backbone of them, the thing you see the most, the thing you like when you get more ammo for it, the thing that’s banned in this country. Yes its the guns.
Guns are great in games. As in games we can shoot big meaty guns with no kick back. Think about it if you fire one of these “Big guns” with out bracing your self the backfire will send you flying backwards (or break your shoulder in some cases). Ok Namco started a little something with there Time Crisis gun. It had kinda realistic backfire what with the whole chamber sliding back on every shoot. Then Sega did something a bit bigger with GunBlade them guns felt like you where holing a box of vibrators all set on full. Now days we have these little controllers that just shake a bit. More annoying than real, but if you are like me you probably turn it off anyway.

There is also the feel of them. I like a big meaty feel to them when I decide to shoot them. Like the feeling oh “Ouch that’s gotta hurt” GIVE THEM MEAT AND WE WILL probably be wondering “What is this meat firing gun?”. Actually that’s a good idea. A gun that fires out bits of meat. Wait that’s a stupid idea.

Now the design of guns is getting lazy. These newer games tend to make them fall into several types mainly-
Hand to hand – Fists/knifes.
Pistol/handgun – You tend to start with these pea shooters.
Sub machine gun/Uzi – Load of ammo wasted.
Shotgun – If you snipe with one of these your a big stupid doo doo head.
Rifle – Your long distance lover
Rocket launcher – Loads of area damage
Granted most people like to feel familiar with what they shoot, but when there’s loads of games out there that just use the same guns. This is annoying to someone like me as I like to use different things.
Here’s a little list my most memorable guns.
Cerebral Bore – Turok 2 – It drills into the heads of things its fired at and brain matter leaks out. Absolutely terrifying in multi player.
Electro Driver – Painkiller – It fires electricity and shurikens nuff said.
Painkiller – Painkiller – Both in your face and long distance in one. Spinning blades of death that can be fired out. Its alt firing is like Scorpions harpoon more.
BFG9000 – DOOM – This gun is like a tentacle monster in one of those Hentai films IT FUCKS EVERYTHING!
Nuclear rabbits – Shadow Warrior – See above, but add a tiny little bunny ears.
Freeze ray – Duke Nukem 3D – Dose exactly what it says on the tin.
Shrinker – Duke Nukem 3D – Shrink them then crush them.
Gravity gun – Half life 2 – Ok it isn’t really any good unless you add something to it.
Far sight – Perfect Dark – See threw walls? SHOOT THREW THEM!
Crossbow thingy – Strangers Wrath – Its all about the ammo and this guns ammo has personality.
Vuvuzella – Doom – Technically not a gun but great for annoying things to death.
Chainsaw luncher – My brain – Think about it for a minute
These are off the top of my head. If I did a bit of research for these things I could probably say a load more.
The old traps of the same weapon different game MUST BE STOPPED! As a matter of fact one of the things that made Halo good was its alien weapons.

TLDR
Rifles, pistols and uzis are boring try attaching things to them to make them funny.

Leaps of argh!

2010-08-06T10:33:00.000-07:00

Well its time!
Its time for a long over due update.
So for this weeks moan I have found ANOTHER THING I hate about 2D plat-formers and this is one thing that I have yet to see in a 3D one (probably due to me hating 3D plat-formers). So what is this thing? Well first I will tell you a short story of some plat-former that I played ages ago
So there I was doing the running and jumping and doing quite well until I saw that there was no more platforms in front of me. Ok this was one of those simple ones where I could only go forward so I took a leap of faith and oh look I missed the platform and fell to my death. YES!
This weeks moan is about “leaps of faith”
The are put in games by lazy developers to make them more challenging, but in my eyes they are lazy bastards. Its best to be able to see where you are going isn’t it?
In the past ok I admit they had hardware limits and couldn’t do some fancy zooming, but come on at least give us a hint as to where it is so we can at least judge it.
Sonic 2 had a bad one on the mine level where if you failed to jump over a pit you fell onto a load of spikes, if you had some skill (you would of missed it) you could keep collecting your dropped rings and live on.
Put it this way its a annoying trend that has to be stopped.
Its good to have a challenging game.
Its not good to be lazy with the level design.

Apollogys

2010-07-22T11:30:00.001-07:00

Damn life it seems to be getting in the way of these moans.
Yeah I have not wrote any out for last and this week due to "Things on my mind"
Normal service shall resume soon

EBay? THIS IS MARKET!

2010-07-09T08:07:00.000-07:00

You know what here's another gaming related thing that makes me want to get my moan on and it starts with a little story flashback thing.

So I was on a local market the other day on the look out for the usual games related bargains to be had. I had already got a few cheap games off someone and on another somewhat empty stall I spotted a boxed up Sega Saturn (mark 1 can tell by the some what battered box) and a boxed wheel and four games (The ones that are not hard to get). So naturally I ask “How much is that games machine?”
Now stand by the next line will shock you.
“£90”
“That's a bit to much” standard reply from me on over priced things like that.
“Well that's what it goes for on Ebay”
And there you have it
Its the “Internet/Ebay” excuse for pushing the price up to more than it is I mean Saturn's don't go for that much with that amount of games.
What are these people on?
IF YOU WANT EBAY PRICESE SELL ON EBAY and then you will see that its over priced. This isn't the first time that the Ebay excuse has happened to me. Another one was a few years ago on a car boot some where in North Wales I spotted a Atari 2600 (Junior) it had its box (no inserts, very tatty and torn) and a copy of Combat I as always wnet over to have a look at it. Cue some scrawny little sod that smelled of cigarettes.
“Oh sure have a look” “These things are getting hard to come by”
I ask “How much”
He says “£100”
As I turn around and walk away I hear him say “That's cheaper than it goes for on the internet” (this was before Ebay became a house hold name and everywhere had the internet)
I just waved over my shoulder and wandered off.
It seems like “The internet/Ebay” excuse is used by clueless morons that don't really have a clue what there selling. Fair enough they are trying to make money off people that seem like they don't know what there buying (note I do try to sound like a numpty), but at that price off a market seller?
How do I know it works? Its not like I can see it working or know there address.
These people are probably not even going to be on the same stall next week,
So here's my wise cracking lines to answer back to these people.

Say this “Well if this was that would be a bargain” For extra effect slap on a bit of slang from that decade or say “Is that in Yen?”
“That's what it goes for on ebay/internet”
There's a few for this one “Well sell it on there then” is one “Do you take Paypal?” That could go wrong if they say “Yes” or you could go to the extreme if you have a internet connection to hand and show them they are wrong.
Or you could just say “You sir are a idiot”
As these people are idiots.

The Moaners new clothes

2010-07-02T05:52:00.001-07:00

Well its time to get my moan on. This one is only video game related and a bit of a short one.
Well in the past week I decided that I needed some new clothes as I have had the same ones for years. So I went online (don't judge me on this local places are to expensive) and low and behold video games T-Shirts (there's the related thing). One thing annoyed me about them and it is this.
The Faded look.
Why would anyone want to pay a tenner for what looks like a second hand t-shirt? I mean back when I last got a load of T-shirts they looked new and some still do to this day and that's how I like to buy new clothes. You know LOOKING NEW!
To me this looks like a fashion trend that was forced upon us as now I cant find a decent new looking shirt (dropping the “T” from now on) Ok its great for those that try to blag that they have been into for years, buts what's wrong with a shirt looking new? I ain't paying silly money for clothes that looks second hand when I would be better off trying my luck in second hand/charity shops. Granted they don't have the same selection and its all down to luck but still IF I WANT SECOUND HAND LOOKING CLOTHES ID BUY THEM FROM THERE!!

The death of the normal console

2010-06-25T02:59:00.000-07:00

Well its about time I did a moan like this. This weeks moan is going to be about the death of what you can call a classicy made console and by that I mean in terms of the main game storage means and that its a games console and that's it, nothing else.
In the past games consoles where simple things. Buy game, plug in, play (not forgetting to pick up the damn pad and turn the TV on the right channel) these days you can buy the game and install I. Or buy game and download it or buy game online. It seems that the old way of just buying a game for a recent console is gone. I mean look at the trouble I had with Super Street Fighter 4
>Try to play on my 360.
>Four red lights (check TV cable)
>Arse around with VGA cable for five minutes whilst stating my hatred for modern day consoles.
>Finally get the damn thing to work.
>Put in Super Street Fighter 4 disc
>Updates.(I haven't take it online or bought a recent game in years)
>Wait ten minutes for them to install
>Start game
>You need to make a avatar
At this point im starting to get pissed off as I just wanna play the damn game
>Quickly make one
>Start game
>Asks if im online
>MORE SODDING RAGE!!
>Finally play the damn game

Yeah that. I realise that if I did buy a few new games the update thing wouldn't be a problem, but it shouldn't be this much hassle to play a game.
Now with E3 just finished there's even more gaming related crap that's gonna make the simple joys of sitting on the couch pad in hand a thing of the past. What's wrong with that? THATS THE WAY WE LIKE IT! We are not all these damn idiots that thing that shite like Wiifit is a game and think that “I really do have to buy that plastic attachment to enjoy this game” I blame the Wii.
So what do I think was the last traditional “Plug in and enjoy” console? In my eyes that was the PS2 sure it had stuff like a hard drive, internet gaming and that Eyetoy, but it wasn't shoved into our faces and the hard drive didn't even make it over to the UK(It left us with a massive hole to fill in the back its a great place to put your memory cards). The Eyetoy was fun for a bit, but all you where doing was flailing your arms round like Kermit the frog when he's running away from Ms Piggy when she has her rape face on with a dilldo and lube. Annnnnnnnnnyway moving on think about it (not the ms Piggy thing unless that floats your boat you dirty fecker. It would be like tossing a sausage down a alleyway). Any way back ON TOPIC NO MORE MS PIGGY SHES A MUPPET!! Yeah the PS2 traditional games that where mostly about single player or local multi-player. There was no download only games, there was no installing (only via homebrew), no updating the system. It was simple and THATS HOW I LIKE IT!
The only thing I didn't like was the look of it, but I torched on that in “Console arseytechture”
These days they are more like PCs only without the need for upgrading or the risk of viruses (SHUT IT MACFAGS!) and have to many expensive crappy add-ons. The installing thing is ok, but it isn't the same feeling as getting the game off the shelf and putting it into the drive/slot and sitting down pad in hand and enjoy.
Thanks for reading

Moanin about E3 Ubisoft

2010-06-17T12:28:00.001-07:00

Ok Ubisoft time
Start up with Child Eden a REZ sequel of sorts. I will start by saying that it is not like REZ as it isn't as musical. People that played the first REZ will know that shots fired in REZ kinda match the music, in this it doesn't. Probably wont be as good. Even if it looks more sparkly Kinda akin to a Jeff Minter game. Wasn't the first by Sega anyway?
Assassins Creed Brotherhood - So this one is going to be more about online gubins and less about single player? Yay FMV as most people haven't had enough of this already. Building story up is probably best for people that end up buying the game. Ok so now some of the game in play. There's a bit with a canon that seems a bit annoying. So yeah it is more of the same game wise
ShaunWhite – Open with something that looks like a trainer advert. Que talking about Mr Whites life THIS ISNT A FUCKING INTERVIEW SHOW SOME GAMES! It seems like a good idea with some-kind of skateboard of joy making a dull world fun and a game that transforms as you play seems good.
Que some people from a local Laser Quest wandering round it is in-fact something called “Battle Tag” “The thing you guys have been waiting for”? Didn't Sega do a home laser quest with the Lock-on? This seems like fun and yet probably will only be so for a few minutes
Que some more tat. Something to help you breathe pass
Motion Sports – Didn't I do this one already? Yes I think I did. PASS!
You know what's great about not watching these live?
I CAN SKIP THEM!
New Rayman Rabbits game – DONT CARE!
Ghost Reckon – YARGABLLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Driver – FMV REALLY!! Unlike in the Need for speed game this is more like a chase game as there are cars in the way. Heck its more like a city. It could be interesting.
Project Dust – Nice FMV bro needs some of the game in play.
Rayman - Funny intro. 2D GAME!!! it works best as 2D well Rayman 3 was ok, but felt a bit broken. I shall look forward to this till it becomes a download only then I AM DISAPPONT!
Mainaplanet – User created games are always hit and miss, but I am interested in this as I like to make things
Michael Jackson – Urgh they really should of made this a lot sooner. Ok its not a game WHATS IT DOING IN E3??

Overall the Ubisoft one was average, but at least unlike the other ones this was more or less games with a bit of crap

Moanin about E3 - EA

2010-06-17T08:37:00.000-07:00

Ok its EA time.
I have a history of hate with them as they embody everything I hate about the games industry. So expect me to hate every damn thing they show.
Opens with FMV no surprises there and it turns out to be a new Need for Speed game. “Take it back to its routes” “Re-imagen” Urgh hate it already. Never got on with the need for speed games and this looks like it wont change things. Que waiting for it to load then a FMV sequence that EA loves. While I admit that the idea of taking part in a car chase seems good. Where are the other cars on the road? Why not have traps in the cop car to get them? A spike trap would probably make it more fun.
“Need for speed is back” did it ever go away?
I'm quoting this “Ten great games from ten great company's” Expect shit. Ok maybe not as much if it was “Ten great games from EA” as we all know these company's that make games for EA can make good ones. Then EA comes along and tells them to “Hurry up” and take stuff out so they can add it as a download later.
Dead space 2. I am not going to criticise a game series that I haven't played, ok maybe a little. It seems to have FMV coming out all over the place. To me it just looks like another over the shoulder shooter.
Medal of honor. It leaves World War two as they have done it to death (why always the damn Americans?) and goes to the middle east. Wooo there's some thing new. I covered this in the Sony one.
Battlefield Bad company Vietnam expansion pack. Was met wit ha solitary clap. What's up US? Still pissed off about Nam? Talking about download only stuff SCREEEEEEEEEEW YOOOU EA!
MMA – Two fighters have signed up so far I look forward to a Street Fighter character select screen. Live broadcasting seems like a good idea. With people to criticise your fights. Just hope the game ends up being good other wise this “idea” will bomb faster than .
EA sports Active 2 – To easy PASS! (But lol multi Platform).
Madden NFL – Ill pass. Id be more interested if it wasn't such a rubbish sport.
Sims 3 – Or Big Brother the game. Both are boring shit. Why is he comparing Greek gods to “The Sims”? Note no video footage just pictures if I wanted to see pictures of a game id read a magazine. PASS!
More FPS talk. Great isn't it?
Cyrsis 2 – Why are they showing promo artwork? Oh finally in game footage. iphone adds in game? While I will say that the cinematics look good that's all they do. Oh goody here's more of it with more slow motion than that nipple slip bit in that film with that lass.
Bullet storm – Wooo a FPS. Urgh art work of the game. ACTION IS BETTER!! Looks like they have Dukes mighty boot only powered up a touch. It looks like it might be fun if it had a “Shut the hell up” button as where as the mentioned Duke spoke he didn't have verbal diarrhoea. Looks like the type of game that will get boring quite quickly.
Star Wars the new game – Yawn More FMV with slow motion.

In closing the EA one had lots of pretty pictures. That is not what people go to a show to see as its not a art gallery and a over use of FMV where as this makes a good movie it makes a lousy game. It EA one was not as bad as the Sony one it was still rubbish.

Moaning about E3 - Microsoft

2010-06-17T06:14:00.001-07:00

So then MicroSoft.
There's starts with stuff blowing up. Then it switches to ANOTHER WAR THEAMED SHOOTER!!
Ill pass, as I really cant be arsed with another copy paste shooter. Oh wait I can pass as im not watching this one live.
Ahhh thats better “Looks absolutely stunning” MY NICELY ROUNDED ARSE IT DOSE!! It looks the fucking same. oh look the guy on stage is going on about DLC BEFORE THE GAME IS OUT! Why not PUT IT ON THE BLOODY DISC?
Now hes on about Kinect PASS!
Metal Gear Solid as a “Action game” thats easy if they take out all those damn cut scene.
Wit this is different it looks more like a “Hack and slash” So its not a MGS game then. Hit and mis if you ask me as them games tend to be about not being seen.
Oh great Gears of War 3....................................PASS!! I played the first and hated it and it looks like the series hasn't changed.
Fable 3. Yet to play the second as I hear its buggy to hell and feels rushed. Fable 3 though looks ok, but more along the same lines.
Kingdoms “footage” was shown nice advert bro.
New Halo they kill off the main character, say its the last one and them go on to make even more. Pass as it looks EXACTLY THE SAME!!
“Halo introduced people to multi-player gaming” STOP TALKING OUT OF YOUR ARSE! Ace Ventura did that and it was funny your doing it and its just shit coming out.
On to Kinect voice command seems interesting for the lazy people that are to lazy to press a damn button. Why use a 360 to listen to music when there are devices that do the same thing only better.
I wonder what this “Video chat” will be used for? Go on chat roulette to get the idea. Well watching videos together seems like a good idea if you don't want them over.
Is it me or are these newer consoles becoming less about gaming and more about using it as a PC?ESPN on demand would be nice, but none of the sports interest a nerdy sod like me. Que some classic American over acting. Its not called “Soccer” its called Football, but then they are Americans so they are messed up already as they call Puffy Rugby Football.
SHOW ME GAMES!!!
Ok Kinect games
Kinetcamals (sp) It looks like Nintendogs only if the dog has been eaten by the tiger. This is both creepy and weird.
On to the inevitable sports game this is like “Track and field” on a dance mat. Its been said before and im saying it again it looks like a damn Wiisports clone, but with more games.
It seems like a more advanced Eyetoy and will probably end up being treated like one with loads of shovel-ware crap that ends up in bargain bins.
It would be nice if they stopped showing “Adverts”
You shape? Well mine is slightly rounded till I get motivated to start exercising again.
Dance Central. Oh look a dancing game that hasn't been done before. They guy dancing sounds like he has tasted cock a few times so hes the target male audience for this game.
Star wars – The new cash-in. This seems like it will be fun. For about five minutes it will be great if it has surround sound on it.
Forza. WOW YOU CAN WALK AROUND THE CAR!!! You can do that in real life as well. So for them the new way to play racing games is it act like a 5 year old playing racing cars and hold a pretend wheel.

This Kinect thing seems like a load of crap a advanced Eyetoy well at least unlike the other motion controllers this one can run on junk food and alcohol to keep going.

360 Slim Note to Sony this is how to do a hardware rebuild. It looks like a do want as its a full upgrade. FREE 360s? WISH I WAS THERE!!! LUCKY BASTARDS!!

Over all the Mircosoft one like the Sony one is mostly “Look at our new thing” it was better than the Sony one but not as good as the Nintendo one.
Free gamesthings are always nice.

Moaning about E3 Sony

2010-06-15T13:57:00.001-07:00

So then Sonys E3 thingy
Opens with the move so already im annoyed. NO SIR I DONT LIKE IT!!
Comparing his stage to U2s one. His wont hold Bonos ego.
“PS3 is the only console for all the family” Well you got films, for all, games for all, box for baby, and internet porn for the rest.
So he goes on about “3D HD” Urgh more bloody 3D stuff I think its best to say “You must beat Nintendo's 3DS to stand a chance” screw eyeware. I don't wanna buy a new TV and some shitty glasses to play a game. I want this guy to stop talking about 3D and what the PS3 is capable of.
Oh look A GAME!! Killzone 3 was met with whoops from the fanboys. Bloody hell he's talking about single player in a game. I have the first and will get round to playing it when It gets a bit darker out as at the moment I CANT SEE ANYTHING!! What's to be said its a FPS and it one that has been styled in the manner we have all seen before. It might be good to play, but as I said its things we have seen before. “Epic cinematic experience” what he means is loads more sitting there waiting for this FMV bit to end. Play station move comparable so you an hold a pretend to hold a gun and not enjoy it as much.
Urgh more damn 3D talk GT 3D!!!!!!!
I don't care.
LOL a baseball game using “Move” best make sure there's no kids around.
Now back to the “In game footage” to be honest nothing takes my fancy. Its THE SAME STUFF AS LAST YEAR AND THE YEAR BEFORE THAT!
Urgh sales talk from someone that seems like he don't like games and is just employed as he can talk sales bollocks.
LOL Sony talking about “Innovation” EVERY THING YOU HAVE MADE HAS BEEN DONE BEFORE!!
Speaking of there innovation heres the “Move” moaned about it before I WANT A FAST FORWARD BUTTON!!
WOW FINNAL HE STOPS TALKING ABOUT HOW GOOD THE MOVE IS!!
Sorcery looks ok, but will be one of those games that gets forgotten and is probably nothing more than a playable tech demo that's fun for a few minutes then gets tedious. I think it would sell more if it had the Harry Potter name on it as it looks a lot like that.
Oh goody sports games Tiger Woods with a motion controller? CoughWiicough. This game isn't one for watchers its one for players and golf is best played with clubs OUTSIDE!! this game was bad for those with low ceilings.
Heroes on the move. Sorry but this just looks like another damn 3D plat-former with added arm-waving.
Woooo Playstation move with Coca Cola two things that I DONT WANT!! (The Cola is bloody horrible).
Que some guy I don't know cracking jokes that aren't that funny cracking gaming phrases that he probably read online trying to be “Down with da gamerz” STOP TALKING ABOUT THE FUCKING MOVE!! SHOW SOME DAMN GAMES!! He's like a damn motivational speaker. I need a fast forward button NOW!!
Que more Move talk. Wow prices of these things I probably wont buy unless they are cheap. They are talking about games already out?
So many tech demo's disguised as games with a remix of “I like to move it move it” SEE WHAT THY DID THERE?
Time Crisis? It wont feel right without a plastic gun and a trigger.
BLOODY HELL SOMETHING OTHER THAN THE MOVE!!!
Damn I hate Sonys new adverts for the PSP and the kid that they are using GENARICCOULERD KID holding a PSP with game footage that IS NOT PASTED ON LATER! Yeah people aren't buying the PSP due to lack of good games. There are good games its just that they know how easy it is to pirate games on the DS. Sad to say it PRIACY SELLS CONSOLES!! but also means that games company's don't get paid as much
New God of War now I'm interested Sony cant seem to keep to there ideas of “Trilogy”. Heck Duglas Adams kept to the ideas of a trilogy better than these guys.
Little big planet 2 I admit with this I want to play it as I'm a bugger for messing round with things and making stuff. This looks very interesting as it don't have the move to drag it down.
Wut charging for a online”Gold” service? Isn't that a backwards step?
I think its time for a brew as this guy seems to have verbal diarrhoea.
New Medal of honour A WAR GAME I HAVENT SEEN ONE OF THESE!! and its set in Afghanistan THATS A NEW ONE! FECK OFF!! Id rather play Killzone as it looks fun this just looks like the same old tired shite I have seen coming out again and again and again.
Dead Space 2 nice to see EA using QTEs and FMV a load of times. They seem to be forgetting about playing the damn game.

Is it me or are they talking about “limited edition” packs a bit to much?

PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!! PORTAL 2!!
Ok it was welcomed by the voice of Glados that sent shivers down my spine. On walks Gabe and got a laugh outa me. Wait is it PS3 only? Still it got manly tears of joy out of me and looks really good.
Final Fantasy in my opinion is the most over rated series in existence and a MMO in its styling's interests me not. So from now on are they all gonna be online?
It would be nice if he stopped talking about PS3 exclusive content.
Gran Turismo 5 they are doing what they have been doing with every other Gran Turismo game and that is “Oh look at that FMV isn't it shiny” playing racing games from that angle should never be done. Just show us the game in play not this FMV bullshit.
Infamous 2 SHOW US THE DAMN GAME IN PLAY NONE OF THIS...............Read above.
Twisted Metal SHOW.........read above above. At least the guy in the van was some visual candy.
Ok the game in play. Blowing shit up in a city. This looks good. Games where the objective is to blow shit up are better than games where you have to think about shooting things.

In closing the Sony one was one that let me not type as fast as the Nintendo one and was bloody shite with only one game that really got me considering buying it.
Still at least I wasn't typing as fast as I was at the Nintendo one and WILL THEY SHUT UP ABOUT THERE FECKING MOVE!!

Moaning about E3 -Nintendo

2010-06-15T10:59:00.000-07:00

Ok so I am watching the Nintendo E3 thingy first as I came up with this idea today. The idea of doing a moan about each of the live conferences.
They will be a bit long and typed as I watched the streams and I have missed a few so there will be a catch up

Technology is a tool?
It is a tool for both good and evil.
Good tech is like a mouse.
Bad tech is like a mouse.
Ok thats the same thing twice, but a mouse can be great for computer based things but is rubbish for getting us drinks, but can be used as some kind of flail so its not all bad.

Ok so Zelda.
I admit that a shiver went down my spine on this one as any Zelda fan will know THAT TUNE! (heck a sod like me has the open chest jingle ans a incoming text tune)
The darkness is gone. GOOD!! I'm getting a bit sick of this whole “lulz its so dark” stuff Ok so I have moaned about the amount of black in these new games. This new Zelda seems to of adjusted the contrast. So great for me SUCK IT to those emo kids that don't like things that have a bit of colour on them. I personally am not a fan of overly realistic games as if I wanted realism id GO OUTSIDE, but probably not while waving a sword round trying to save some girl from a dragon thing while drinking mystic potions bought from some old lady that works in a shop with more different potions. Speaking of those mystic things.
Giant mushrooms? Isn't that Marios thing?
Sword beams? Nice to see them back. To bad they take a bit of time to charge up where as all of us that played the old 2D ones will know that it used to require full heath.
So now we are able to swing the sword at the angle we want to there is some thing that they promised IN THE FIRST WII ZELDA!!
I wonder what happened to the way that they said shooting arrows would be done when you had to pull back on the nunchuck in Twilight princess? Well they seem to of put it in this one even if it didn't work on the demo they are showing (technical difficulty).
They old item screen has gone which is a shame even if it broke up the action of the game.
A new thing is a beetle thing that you can fly round. To me its a bit urghmehhuuuumerrrm? As I don't know what to make of it. It might be good. It might be an excuse for me to grown about it being a bit to hard to use.
A whip as well?
I hope it has a mini game where you whip Zelda for our enjoyment. Heck some preserve sods ;like me would probably play that for hours all while probably imagining that its me getting whipped by Zelda while she is in some fetching S&M number.......................Ok ill keep my fantasy's to me self
WHIP IT GOOD!!!
I am a Zelda fan so ill buy it anyway.

Next thy had
ANOTHER MARIO SPORTS GAME!!
At least this one isn't just one sport. From what I have seen it had volleyball (lulz Sega did it) and basketball. ILL PASS!!!
Now the buggers on about Wii sales. WHO CARES? We know its sold well keep it for the office as all we want are THE GAMES!!
“Wii owners play there systems more than others”
Wait what? Mines not been plugged in in months. My 360 has been on more than that and I HAVE LESS GAMES FOR THAT! Meh you know what my PS2 has spent more time on than them )probably due to games for it being cheap)
Wiiparty?
Looks like Mario has lost his job on that. ILL PASS!! its probably going to be one of those that requires friends and beer or little kids and in this flat I don't have the room for all of them
Urgh a dance game with annoying pop music that got a “ARGGGH” outa me. At least I don't have to buy or play this shite.
Golden Sun dark dawn?
Ok there's that “Dark” thing again I haven't really played any of the others of it, which is shame on me as I hear they are by Team Sonic the people that made the Shining games (don't let that put you off the ones on the Saturn are really good).
Oh look. A new GoldenEye game.
Don't get me wrong fan boys I didn't like it and to me with the last GoldenEye title (err wasn't it EA?) got slated by fans. I'm not looking forward to this as I preferred Perfect Dark which is a bit of a strange thing to say as if it wasn't for the former it wouldn't be for the later. So bring us a sequal to that. Oh wait you didn't make it Rare did and right now they are Mircosofts bitch and are forced to make games that are ranked as “OK” instead of making games that are considerd as “THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST!”
Epic Mickey was next up. Errrm. Yep it looks decent. Yes you saw me put the words “Looks decent” in a sentence for a Disney game. Ok and it has those god damn 3D plat-forming sections, but WHATS THIS? A 2D platform bit? This reminds me of Mickeys wild adventure (never liked it, but it sold really well back when I was in that inde game store). Just hope that there's a lot of these as they look good and have a camera that's zoomed out so you can see where your jumping so no leaps of faith that can destroy peoples like mine enjoyment in the game im playing. (moan about that pending)
Also lol to Reggie talking about “hardened games” while pointing at himself. I wont judge him as I don't know his gaming past.
New Kirby?
AND ITS 2D?AND IT LOOKS different!!?
Who needs lardy dar million pixel characters when you can have something that looks “Arty” like this. This looks quite good and has so much colour its like a trip down to the preschool while on those mushrooms I mentioned earlier.(or like watching Disney Kids)

Dragonquest I wont pass judgement on as I haven't played any of them yet.
I know that's a bit weird coming from somebody that likes the series called Gintama (note the person that made that bloody loves them games and points out that during most episodes)

Metroid another M
The video showed a hell of a lot of ruining round doing nothing, but running round with the usual Team Ninja boss moments. I should pay more attention to these newer games, but I wont so live with it.

NEW 2D DONKEY KONG!!!!
This is good news to somebody like me that hates 3D plat-formers. (Note to self play Donkey Kong country's again)

So now he is talking about the 3DS and 3D I am with him on the whole glasses things as I don't wont eye-where while im relaxing (the sodding parrot will try to get at them).
Ohh smoke and a DS on a pedestal.
So it has a analogue pad (they are calling it a slide pad). EXPECT GAMECUBE PORTS!!! It looks like the DSi and DSiXL have been at it as this looks like the top half is a DSiXL and the bottom is a Dsi with a analogue stick bumping down the D-pad. Two cameras? 3D pictures? Movement tracking? Movement and hand helds is always a bad thing and you can put that down to personal experience as that pesky sun stops us from enjoying games (ok so Botkai made us have to play outside. I wont explain why just get the damn game and enjoy the summer). Movies? Well I admit this is a nice thing but from what they have said these films are all shovelware crap films made to sell crappy toys till the next one comes out. If I want kids films id watch some Studio Ghilbi stuff while wanting to have the money to own a life sized Totoro so I can enjoy those damn mushrooms I keep mentioning while thinking im in a anime land where I can punch peoples heads off and be called “A hero”.
New Pit game?
DAT VOICE!! There's something I don't like from the start. (sub titles please so I can mute it). The combat looks a bit like Sin and Punishment and that's a good thing, but still DAT VOICE!! The game it self looks alrightacus as a mater of fact it looks goodacus.
New Nintendogs met with a urgh from the crowd and from me it is not a game as there is no point to it. There is no end to it.
Going threw all the different companys and what they are making for the Wii cheers for most then came EA “.....................” Yeah next to nobody gives a shit what EA are gonna be farting out this year with a number htats one higher than the others. A new Ridge Racer is always welcomed by me as they are games where its more like select car race, not select car, spend half a hour tuning it, chose colour, chose tires, chose track, choose time, get a brew mirror signal DRIVE!
The 3DS promo advert was funny. (Did I see a red shell? Dose that mean a new Mario kart?).
I just hope that the 3D games on it aren't all about running towards the screen with something chasing you.
THEN! Out come a load of “Both babes” with 3DSs strapped to them so no sods can nick them (shame). Ok it will probably be fun playing with a lass with a strap on but not like this

Overall the Nintendo one was great they seemed to be taking a step back into 2D with a lot of there games.
Dose this mean the they are getting over this whole 3D games phase? With there main console and going back to there 2D routes?
I HOPE SO!!

Balls to the pitfalls

2010-06-11T03:44:00.000-07:00

Well it is Friday (ok Thursday as I was writing this) and as such it is time to "Get me moan on". As per-usual I seem to get them from playing games while having a brew.

Ok picture the scene. I am there N gage in hand playing on it (I think that's what it was ment for as Im not taking calls on it as it looks like im talking into Cornish pasty holder). So the game I am playing is Sonic N, Im not moaning about that as it is a good game (review coming soon), but there is one thing that narks me off about it, as a matter of fact its the same thing that annoys me about most 2D plat-formers and heck most games with jumping in.
What is this thing?
Well picture this. You are there happily running threw the level then all of a sudden! You fall and fall and fall and then death. So if you didn't know that is called a “Pitfall” (not the game). What are pitfalls? They are holes in the ground that leed to death. A bit unrealistic as nothing can't kill you. Well I say “Nothing can't kill you” if there was some big walking bastard death machine from Satan's sweaty crotch strap called “Nothing” and it was a bit pissed off at you for eating the last chocolate hobnob he probably would kill you, but to my reflection that thing doesn't exist. So nothing can't kill you. I know that they are basically doing is saying that “This fall will kill you” but why not just have something there? Or loop the drop till you hit a floor? At least then there will be something there and thats better than nothing. Its like the grim reaper with a stealth suit is lying there and you land on his mighty boner.
There are even games where you can die from falling off something that is slightly higher than the platform you are on is some cases this can be a pixel difference. If I died every time I jumpped off the sofa I probably wouldn't of lasted long in this world.
These bloody things are annoying especially when they can't be seen coming.
Why are they in games?
To make them more challenging?
Like fug they do.
LIKE FUG THEY DO!!!!

Listing moan

2010-06-04T12:04:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lateness of this weeks moan things have gone tits up in the kitchen and not in a good way. (all that food gone to waste). This moan will be shorter than usual. Normal moaning will resume next week.
So anyway its time to “Get my moan on” Ok so we all have seen these “Top things” lists and for the most part people will always disagree with them. At the end of the day they are all down to personal opinions, but as I always say “Opinions are like onions, they are not always welcome” so why am I moaning about them? Well one thing is that when mags that arent associated with games do them they are usually the worst type like with Empires recent “Top 50 games characters” ill save you from looking threw it and just say that Gordon Freeman is at number one.
Yeah Freeman he hasn't spoken once, he has no personality. Hes basically lifeless pile of polygons, but this ain't a rant against rubbish games characters (yes mi calling him rubbish). Then you see thing like “TOP 50 GAMES!” on MSNs site that has what is the same game in there a few times and probably some older titles that they have probably only ever herd where good.
There is one mag that dose a top ten every issue and it is a games mag infarct it is GamesTM. They tend to be games of a certain type or theme (like sports, horror or pervy). They recently did one about the top multi-player games. Some of it was blatantly obvious (Bomberman, Mario Kart) but they also had crap on there (COD/HALO REALLY! We all know that when there next games come out they will be in the next list) these where mostly for online players and I don't feel that its the best way to play multi player games. The lack of Doom. Warlords, Deathtank zewi and Combat was disappointing, but ok the lack of Death tank is understandable as it wasn'tt that easy to gain access to (You needed aSaturnn Duke Nukem andetherr Quake orexhumedd saved on theinternallmemoryy)
Well at least it wasn't one of them TOP TEN SEXY GAMES FEMALES!!. I watch one of them recently and it was laughable, not due to the host (looks like she has only ever played on the Wii and seemed a bit lacking in knowing what she was talking about). So yeah these lists are bloody annoying and are usually a way of filling up a few pages for lazy writers (heck classic Rock Magazine dose it a lot) and now to tie things up heres my top list of things to do when you see one you disagree with.
1.Shake your head.
2.Rage a bit.
3.Question it.
4.Ignore it.
5.Turn the page.
6.Think no more of it.
7.Never read the offending article again.
8.Get on with your life.

Thanks for reading now back to booting that bloody fridge for warming my drinks

Fear of the darkrness

2010-05-28T06:06:00.000-07:00

Well its Friday. I have a carton of that lovly Rubicon Mango juice (theres a Mango week? What about the Bananas?), I have some good music on so it means it must be time to “Get My Moan on”

So what is it with these modern games and the lack of decent light fixtures? Its like in the future the have forgot about the power of decent lighting. Its so damn dark! Id hate to be afraid of the dark as these games would be hard to cope with. Even worse if you have Melanophobia or the fear of your own refection as you will be seeing a lot of it. What happened to torches? Did they forget they existed? There common as muk these days. Maybe its due to in the future they can only use these new energy efficient ones and as we know they don't fit to well in torches and are a bit ugly. Ok its wrong to call them “NEW” as they have been out for a long time, but just look at one (Not not while they are on unless you want to see white dots even it that will counter that amount of blackness, but if you want to see white dots you can either paint on a pair of classes or on your eyes, one is ok the other will make you have eyes like M Bison).
I think the only one where I liked it dark is in DOOM3 some hated it I liked it, but at least that guy had a torch, but why didn't he think of strapping it to his head? Is sticky back plastic gone as well?
You would think that in the future its always night time. Like the sun dicided to go on holidays.
Now I know that night time missions are meant to be done to surprise the enemy, but what if they have a touch? Or that greeny night vision? Or worse still have learned from the years of games that a raid will probably happen at night and so have shut the doors to there base and are all wrapped up warm with a mug of coco. While muggins decides to go there at night threw the wind and rain and other assorted nasty weather that the weather man got wrong as he is blinded due to trying that painting white dots on your eyes trick (Kids don't try that at home).
I mean what if you are like me and end up playing these games during the day? Thanks now I have to close my damn curtains and make it look like im doing seedy things in my flat and stopping daylight from getting in.
All I ask for is the option of having decent light fixtures so if I wanted to surprise the enemy I could shoot out the lights so they know what its like to live in the dark.

Unless they are the evil mole men in which case we are all screwed!

ALL FEAR THE EVIL MOLE MEN!!!
THEY WILL RULE AGAIN!!!

Positively Crappy gaming experance

2010-05-21T05:42:00.000-07:00

Well its sunny out side it cold be what is called “A nice day” and I'm stuck inside as there are things to be done round the flat. Ok I could probably go outside but I can't be arsed so I have a glass of Irn Bru and some Dio on (HE LIVED!!) so its time to “Get my moan on”
Pc gaming (not as in emulators). Yet another thing that I seem to hate in my massive hate filled mind (Ok its not all hate as I do have something called love that makes me feel wrong inside). I'm a simple person (no not like that) I like my gaming time to be spent playing the games not making sure if they will work on my PC. Just plug in and turn on (with a game in durr). Its one of the main reasons why I no longer own a Commodore 64, Amiga or Spectrum as spending five minutes listening to it whine is five minutes into some thing like the sublime Gunstar heroes or five minutes into ANOTHER FMV BIT in Metal Gear Solid . Heck there are games that I could finish in five minutes. So skip forward to what this moan is about and it is about PC gaming (If you hadn't of guessed from the first few words) it is a problem for me as I am the type of person that don't This moan is kinda triggered by Steam recently giving away Portal FOR FREE!!(is there anybody that really hates this game?) Que happiness from around the web, then que sadness as people like me have to mess around with loads of settings just to make sure it don't jerk around like a bad cam job of some new film. Well there's two main reasons why
For starters there's the “Installing” thing. I have the game on a disc in the drive. Why do I have to sit there waiting for it to install? Ok so I understand about the settings that have to be saved, but that's just a small file and now we have the main consoles (ok not the Wii) doing it. So what if it lowers loading time. If I have the disc in the drive that's the game I want to play. Where as I admit it is convenient to have your favourite games a click away all recent PC games are on DVD and that's about 4 gigs worth of stuff. Try installing a few of them on your hard drive then see how much space you have left)
There is also the hardware side of things. New PC hardware seems to come out every month. Ok so not all games need all this recent tech to play, but when it costs over a ton (that's a hundred pounds to other people) for last years tech so even when I have the money for it its retro already. This is why I am thankful for consoles its only every five years a new one comes out (unless its a hand-held as Nintendo seem to be making one of them every few months). Speaking of, isn't it time for a new console?
But there is good bits as well. For the most part PC games are fully configurable in the controls department. My Trackball and pad controls are really good (In the case of portal trackball was for looking and fire pad was moving jump and duck (note only half was held and the 360 pad is good for this)
Then there'ss also the moding of games this can usually make the games more entertaining (Look up Garys mod to see what I mean).

Overall PC gaming is a bit hit and miss for the likes of me because at the end of the day you do still see most of the PC games coming out on consoles and for the most part the most PC games I end up playing are a few years old and then there's the emulation and not forgetting games like Solitaire Free-cell and Minesweeper that are the most played PC games ever.
Thanks for glancing at this.

Tie-ins are knot good

2010-05-14T09:12:00.000-07:00

Welcome to another moan.
For this moan I have just gotten pissed off over using the last tea bag and am listening to Anderson, Bruford, Wakeman, Howe's self titled album. Ok its not aggressive music as a matter of fact its damn good. So anyway its time to “Get my moan on” in one that is completely different from what I was writing earlier in the week
Right so movie/TV games its safe to say there are a lot of them, but are they any good? For the most part the answer is a big old “NO”. So why are they so crap? Well more often than not they are rushed out to make the release date of a film to make a couple extra quid and there lies the problem. Games should never be rushed out. As then they end up as annoying bug feasts of crap, but wait we are in the download age so now when comes out and it has a bug on it later on when the company in question are arsed they release a patch to make everything better. What of a simple matter of testing that sodding thing before it comes out? Oh wait no time for that just put the game in the slot press start and play about five minutes then pass it. (im not getting at testers here. They have a hard enough job as it is).
I think the Wii has the hardest time of all. Well think about it. Its easy for them to make a mini game pack, tag on waggle control's and make it out just in time for another shitty Cgi film that's now probably in “3D”. Go on I dare you to look at what's on at the cinema I bet there's one on there right now. Its become way to easy for them to make these “Films” now. Back a few years ago it was great now its bloody shite. Thank you Hayao Miyazaki for still doing things the traditional way and still having something that looks like its not a soulless shameless product placement feast of shite so there kids can annoy there parents to buy the toys, the clothes, the cereal, the games and go to Mc Donalds so they can have the Happy meal with the shitty little toys that probably break as soon as they get them home.
Ok im being a bit negative here there are examples of a “good” game based on a film and here seems to be the catch, but I wont spoil it for you have a look at these names.
-Ghostbusters – PS3/360/Wii/PS2 (ok maybe not as much that version)
-Goldeneye – N64 (Ok I don't really like it, but people do)
-Alien vs Predator – Jaguar/Arcade (different game)
-Aliens – Arcade
-Alien trilogy – PC/PSone/Saturn
-Die Hard Arcade – Saturn
-Xmen Children of the atom – Arcade/Saturn/PSone
There are seven.
Why am I mentioning them? Well they (for the most part) came out after the film there based off. Ok apart from the first Alien vs Predator games they came out years before and reverses this little rule.
There where also a load of great games based off Disney cartoons from the 80s/90s (Duck Tails and Darkwing duck to name two) and there's something about these. Oh wait there all by Capcom, Capcom used to do a load of movie games in fact look at the seven examples three of them are by Capcom.
And then theres the worst TV/Movie tie ins.
Superman – N64 – Ok this cam out years after and it based on the cartoon series.
ET – Regarded as one of the worst games ever
Supergran – Spectrum/c64/Amstrad CPC (Warning name may be lost on those of you not from the UK).
So if they are meant to be bad who keeps buying them?
Look at the parents of those kids. Them kids get brainwashed by these new kids films and so get there parents to buy them.
Then theres that bloke that I keep mentioning. The ill informed sod. He watches avatar and thinks that the game will be the same and hes right for the most part they are both shite.
And yet look at one of the children's movie makers I have mentioned.
Hayao Miyazaki he has siad that he doscent want games based on film works and yet there are a few references to his works in games
I wont plead to these big company's to stop it as they wont listen. They never listen to people requests.
Anyway I have typed my peace on this subject.
I am kinda running out of things to moan about. So I might have a generic “Suggestions” post some time soon.

On another note
If you type “Moaning sod” into google im the top five web sites.
Not bad considering I CLOSED ONE OF THEM!!!!

I am also going to be working on a “How to get your moan on” soonish

Shoulder of burden

2010-05-07T01:46:00.000-07:00

Right I have my cuppa here I had some music on (it was the Panzer dragoon OST till it started to get hard to listen to while trying to get some work done while fighting off “Nostalgia attacks”) I have my parrot over looking my typing. So its time to “Get my Moan on”

WARNING!!!!
If you don't like the word “Controller” don't read this moan.
So I have done a few posts about controllers, but theres one thing that I missed out and its something that is on all recent controllers. What is it WELL HOLD ON IM GETTING TO THAT STOP BEING SO IMPATIENT! Honestly people these days they want things as soon as possible if I wanted things as soon as possible id be in the red money wise and I wouldn't go to the Tudor caff in Stockport. Ok im going off topic here an that topic shall be revealed NOW!!
Shoulder buttons.
*Stunned silence*
Ok don't all cheer at once.
Yeah these things at the top of pads that are meant to allow us more control and for the most part they do. Well ok thats a bit to positive for a moan. So on to what annoys me about them. Well for the most part there a bit out of the way. I will show you what I believe are the worst ones.

ARGH!!!
Yes the ones on the Intellivision controller. They are hard to press and as the controller its self is a load of crap they don't help matters as they require a lot of force to press the damn things and that makes games like Burger Time bloody hard to play and thats not easy to do with its disc controller.
Skip forward to the SNES ones these where great for F-Zero, but a major annoyance for Street Fighter as there was only four buttons on the front. Ok so some SNES fanboys will be foaming at the mouth at my slating of the SNES pad. ITS TRUE ITS NOT THE BEST!! The damn D-pad is rubbish when put against the Mega Drive one.
Skip forward a bit and we have the N64 with its three shoulder buttons L, R and Z and its god awful placement of them. Ok so there aren't that many games that use every button on the pad (Think THQs Wrestling ones are the only ones), but still its hard to have every button covered. I have come up with a way, but its not easy and not comfortable Id have a picture of this position (easy there) but I have no hands free to take it. Then on to the GameCube that looks like its some kind of kids toy, but at least THE “Z” BUTTON IS IN REACH!!
Skip more time to the Saturns first UK pad What the hell? THESE THINGS ARE LIKE TORTURE ON MY FINGERS!!! Ok so in the early days of the Saturn no games really made a lot of use of them (Panzer Dragoon is probably the one that made the best use out of them in the early days)and Sega sorted it out with the mark 2 pad. Then they went a bit mad with the strangely titled “3d controller” aren't all controllers 3D anyway? Well fans called it “The Fat Controller” these days its called “Sir Topham Hatt” as calling something “Fat” isn't very fucking PC (I really hate those fags they have spoiled TV and are probably the reason why Till death do us part isn't on TV). The shoulder buttons on that where more like triggers of a gun and interestingly there was a code for some games so that they played better with that pad or the Dan Jevons control method as it was known to Sega Saturn Magazine readers. That pad then lost two buttons (why?), got a shitty d-pad (WHY?) and gained a few ports (the pad could be detached from its cable for some reason) and became the Dreamcast controller and the rest became history.......Well it became the Xbox pad and that was bigger than Sir Topham Hatts hats arse and even less fun to use. I mean it had two new buttons called “Black and White” where these some kind of viral advertising for the “Black and white” game that never saw a port on the console?
That was more or less sorted with the “S-controller” that was quite nice to use, but still black and white where out of the way. Then came the strangely titled “Xbox 360” (Note to idiots ITS NOT CALLED JUST XBOX!! If you are that lazy as to abbreviate some thing that is already short call it a 360). That pad is ok. Even if the guy that moved the analogue sticks round is a prick.
During the time of Segas last reign as console makers a little known company released a console who are they? They where Sony and there pad had FOUR SHOULDER BUTTONS!! Because two weren't enough (It also had a crappy D-pad that looked like four arrows pointing to a place where treasure was hidden, but no amount of digging found anything of value) there where not well placed, but as we all know Sony likes to steal ideas and make them there own. The PS2 controller changed them a bit and made them a little easier to press, but still the L1 and R1 ones where a bit outa the way. The PS3 ones are more like triggers still the same pad only the back buttons are now made with First Person Shooters in mind (Maybe thats why theres so many of them).
Well thats the home consoles sorted now for handhelds
This is a new thing as the first one to have them was the GameBoy Advance they where ok I guess then to the SP. Oh dear.
CRAMP IN MY HANDS!!!
Who ever made them that small and that hard to get to needs to be chinned.
Then the Micro haven't had the chance to play on one at length so can't moan about it.
Then the DS FUCK IT!!!
DS lite SAME!!
Dsi SAME AGAIN!
PSP take the same idea as a PS one pad and fuck it up.
Well thats all from me this week next one is burning round in my head (its ok I pored some water in my ear to put it out), but I have been asked “How do I find things to moan about?” So I might end up doing something about that.

Console arseytechture the number after one

2010-04-30T03:22:00.000-07:00

Right its time to “Get my moan on” and in continuing with the last one I will be moaning about.
The shape of consoles.
I did say there where going to be pictures THAT WAS A LIE!!! (Kinda)
Ok in the past a video games console looked like one, it has a massive hole for where the cart went in, it had pad ports and it (mostly) looked good, but the past few consoles I don't know what's going on with.
I will start with what I think was the first one to cock up the idea of what it looks like.
The PS2
Granted there isn't much you can do with adding a disc drive to something. Look at the Atari Jaguar's CD add on. Ok ok I wont say what it looks like as you can tell by the shite the was put on it. The PS2 on the other hand looks like some kind of art deco thing. It has a ledge sticking out on top that makes it look like its the wrong way up, it has ridges on the top half that I suppose where put on it to make it look like it takes up less space, then theres that massive expansion port on the back that was used for sod all for us UK types. (I am aware that modders use it for a harddrive to store games on).
There was also the logo on the disc drive that could be turned round that was a nice touch, but how many people knew about it?
The PS3
Don't own one, but it looks like some one melted parts of the PS2 to make them rounded then covered up the pad ports.
Then came there “Slim” ones the where just that slimmer versions of the bigger consoles, with a external power thingy and less soul.
Then there was the GameCube.
What where Nintendo on? A HANDLE ON THE BACK!!? Ok it still looks like a console, but WHY A HANDLE!!? Granted the damn thing is like a brick and wont break easily.
Perhaps thats what the handle is for.....wait....Maybe...................YES!
Coming at the next event “Gamecube hurling”
Now to there next one the not named after body waste.
The Wii.
Great its small, compact, with a load of hidden ports asking for you to plug things into them like its some kind of sexual act so it looks like some kind of cyborg tentacle monster from the future. I will say this I like its design, but with one problem. THE FLAPS!!! Shitty little plastic hinges that covers up the top side ports.
Now on to the Xbox
First one was a monster, a massive monster some thing that feels like Microsoft put several bricks inside it, it would make a great paper weight, but still looked like a console.
360 same as, but wait!
THAT POWER THINGY!!!
ITS HUGE!!
If somebody broke into your house you could club them to death with it.
Theres also the Harddrive, why is it on the out side?
In closing I do know that they are trying to make consoles look like they are part of all these set top boxes, but I long for a time when consoles looked like they where made outa wood.
The Atari VCS was a thing of beauty. The Intellivison was nice looking (even if the controllers where a pille-o-shite).
I do realise that I seem to be targeting the last few consoles, but with the amount of consoles there have been in the past it would take ages to list them all so I will show you this and say BRB need to poop.

Next weeks is going to be written soon and posted on the usual day.
I do have another in writing, but its not games based.

Console Arseitecture

2010-04-23T08:16:00.000-07:00

Right its time to get my moan on (catch on DAMN YOU!!).
This one is going to be a two parter as the next part is going to be mostly pictures.
So upon reading about all these recent consoles breaking and failing a thing popped up in my mind.
That thing was a thought a thought that all current gen consoles are shite. Yep you read it. THEY ARE SHITE!! Not the games there's some good things there, but the way they are designed and the medium the games are stored on.
Yeah discs.
Discs are bloody horrible. They can get scratched, cracked (if there is force), scuffed (so they don't read) they are fragile little things. Compare that to a humble old NES cart. You could take a drill to that and it would still work as you can see from the following video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCLOxK6FpfA

It takes a beating spits in your face and asks for more. Where as with a disc you just need to touch the damn thing and it tells you everything and asks for its mommy.
Now from what I have been reading online there are a lot that are becoming download only and locked to the console so that's great if your hard drive fraks up no more games. Where as I admit that having all your games sitting there ready to be played with no disc nonsense is great it means that there is nothing physical. Ok I have moaned about that in the past so no more about that.

Now on to how they look.
In the past you could tell that they where games machines they displayed there consoleness with pride with a big old logo slapped on just to say “Hay we made this thing, now buy loads of games for it” These days all you get is a tiny little logo on something that looks like a DVD player. Ok so thats all some of them are a trumped up DVD player. The last home console that I think looked like one was the Gamecube. Ok maybe not. What was with the handle? Was it for the fanboys when they found out they have just bought a games machine that has only a hand full of games that are just for it so they can fling it at the nearest wall? Mind you come to think about it Nintendo made a load of reliable consoles (ok the NES had the blinking screen problem) Im not sure about the Wii but then again that looks like a mini DVD player only prob is IT WONT PLAY DVDS!!(without the homebrew channel).
Anyway the design of consoles.
I will save that for the next moan as it might be a bit long as there are going to be pictures.

Thanks for reading!

Cables of untanglement

2010-04-16T07:01:00.000-07:00

Its time!
Its time to “Get my moan on” last weeks moan this week only with a video.
Well in case you didn't know I went to another games festival or geekend. So this moan shall be kinda related to one thing that will annoy me at these things and it is.
INCORECTLY BUNDLED CABLES!!

Yeah I found this little bundle the other day when sorting out some cables. Why it got like that is a mystery, but I am thinking it is those invisible little untangle stoats with there little hands of tartan
Now in case you didn't know I used to work in a indie games store and this was something that made me rage a little bit when ever a customer came in with a console to sell and all the cables where wrapped around the crusty mucky (sometimes smelly) pads.
So who bundles them up like that?
Why its that bloke that I keep mentioning. Granted its better than having them all over the floor, but it's not a pretty sight.
There is no slack in the controller cable its been wrapped around the pad so damn tight that it might just be pulled out of its socket. This is one of the only times I have been glad that recent controllers are wireless. Its no wonder they had to buy so many third party pads.
Where as everybody with at least a bit of know how knows that the right way to wind cables is to do so round your hand, then round its self and then pull the end threw the loops thusly.
See the following video.

Yeah no harm done to the cables and added bonus is that they now look decent and can easily be unwound with out doing that hold the end and let the controller fall to the floor.
Ok so there are more than one type of cable, but this little technique can be used on any thing that has a decent length of cable, but then small ones aren't likely to be the ones you have to waste your life untangling. So watch that video and learn how to bundle cables correctly so to save your time.

Thanks for reading and watching.

Quick Time Enemas

2010-04-02T04:35:00.000-07:00

(I felt inspired after reading this comic strip)
Right its time to “Get my moan on” and this ones on time this week as I have been typing it in double quick time and yeah “quick time” and this event happens every Friday
QUICK TIME EVENTS!!!

So then Quick Time Events (QTEs from now on unless Im trying to hit some kind of minimum word thingy). THEY ARE ANNOYING!!
You can be watching a FMV at ease then all of a sudden a button flashes up on screen, but your not ready, you might have a drink in your hand, you might be blinking you might even be having a piss after all FMV bits in games are there to help you rest from playing some thing. So you miss the button press and die (or loose if its forgiving). How where you to know? Its your first time playing the game. (unless your re-playing it in which case PAY attention!).
Lets use a bit of role play here.
You are eating your tea then all of a sudden PRESS THIS flashes in front of your face, fail to press it right and you get a fork in you eye.
That's like these things, but with the fork stabbed in your arse cheek. Yeah a pain in the arse and thats what they are.
But when did they start?
What was the first game to use them?
Im not 100% on this but I think the first well known one was probably Dragons lair and the term was not passed round that much till Shenmue came out and boy oh boy did that game have a lot of them. (and the second had even more)
Ok so maybe Dragons Lair didn't have a massive button flash up but the ideas the same
Why are they in games then? Well if you have looked at the little comic strip at the start of this moan. That will help with that question. If it didn't I will explain.
They are put in games to annoy us during action games. Its like lets rest and tell you what to press at this point in the game during some FMV sequence so we can call it “GamePlay”. That's not what I'd call it. Id call it an annoying lazy way to make a game.
If I wanted to press a button during a FMV sequence ID PICK UP THE PAD AND DO IT!!
Now I did on one forum ask for a copy of Dragons Lair on DVD for a project I am working on, but first I think I will work on something else.
So yeah to developers STOP putting THEM IN GAMES OR WHAT HEPPEND IN THAT LITTLE COMIC STRIP MIGHT HAPPEN!!!

Thanks for reading.
Im not sure about next weeks as I shall be away keep a eye on my Twitter thingy as I will announce it there to my 30 or so followers.

Flashing pirates

2010-03-27T13:27:00.000-07:00

Right its time to “Get my moan on”
Ok this one was later than usual due to me not writing it till Saturday
So then if you haven't herd there's a new DS out and a new 3D one on the way (In before April fools) . Now there's one thing that the DS is lacking on the release side of things and that is DECENT GAMES!! But what is to blame for that? Why is it that looking for a good game is like wading threw a ocean of morning piss looking for the clean bit to drink?(You know the stuff that early morning piss where your body gets out all of its waste in the form of a stream of yellow piss, it stinks and its not nice to look at in the bottom of the toilet). Well Ill tell you.
Its these flash carts. Everybody knows somebody that has a DS and its more than likely they know some one that uses one. Granted they where made for home-brewers to play there wares on the DS and to allow people to play them as well, but they have a darker side to them (No not Darth Vader porn) it is that they can be used to play downloaded DS roms and there's the problem. So instead of going out and buying “NEW EXICTING ACLAMED GAME” they go on to Isohunt, look for a download of it, pop it on there flash cart and play it. No sale there then now think of what I said earlier, no not the piss bit the bit where I said “Everybody knows somebody that has a DS and its more than likely they know some one that uses one” know think of them they are more than likely the ones that will want to play that game I mentioned so there goes a few sales of the game. So if all those are downloading games and not buying them who is buying them? Well a few of use still do, but that isn't enough numbers of people that buy it to keep it selling. So why is there still games coming out on it? Well look at them movie licenses, shitty TV tyins, girl games. WHY ARE THEY SELLING AND NOT THE GOOD GAMES? Well lets take a look at who buys them. Its that guy again. He whomb I mentioned in my past blogs yep THAT GUY. He buys games that he thinks will be good as “The TV/movie version is good so this will be a great game” and then proceed to buy it so there's one sale for the piss feast. He wont complain if a games company makes “Dancing on Ice 2010” and not “Gunstar Heroes mega blast” so who does?
Oh look its the guys that downloaded the game before (and me).
So there is the problem.
People that pirate games are destroying the games industry more than all the shovelware put together. After all there the things that are keeping the consoles selling and those lesser games company's a float.
So well done.
You guys are the reason why looking for a decent game on the DS is like wading threw a sea of piss.
And before you ask no I don't own one.
Insert hateful comments below (plz?)

Some moving words about the "Move"

2010-03-19T11:14:00.001-07:00

Right its time to “Get my moan on”

So then the Playstation move
Yeah I have spoken about it before, but I feel I didn't go that far about why its moan worthy.
Why such hate for it?
Well look at it.
I know it looks like a Wiimote, but that's beside the point. It looks like something else more. What am I getting at here? Well let me tell you in the form of a story

All names are made up none of the following people are based off real people
For the past few months lil Dave (7) with his PS3 and collection of kids games (In a chavs eyes) that include such nicety's such as Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2, Fifa 08 and Disney plat-former 3 has been mithering about the new Playstation move and his step dad that we shall just call Baz and mum Becky have just got there child maintenance threw and spent it all on Blue Lightning and weed unknown to lil Dave, but Daves birthday is due soon and he being the chavs child that he is thinks the reason why his mum and step dad have no money for new trainers is that they have gotten him what he wants.
So lil Dave goes into his parents bed room while they are down the pub and looks for his presents.
He pulls out a box.
Inside is a long black thing.
Lil Dave gets it out and trys to use it with his PS3
Sadly we all know what he has in his hands.
No its not the Playstation move.
Its another thing that looks like one.

Yeah the Playstation move looks like a dildo from some sci-fi movie.
But why?
Well some will say “So that it fits easier in your hands”, I think its shaped like that for another reason.
We all know that Sony like to copy other company's ideas and slap the word “NEW IDEA DO NOT STEAL!” on them, but I think they have misread what the Wiimote is (Or they have seen that picture of the girl shoving it up in her rude bits) and decided to make it look more penis like and rounded so it fits in easier
Or
Its shaped like that so Sony fan boys can go fuck them selfs with it.

But come on!
For years us gamers have come home from what ever we have been doing and just wanted to sit there controller in hand and unwind. With all these new get off your arse controllers it looks like we wont be able to for long.
I know Nintendo made the idea of being active in games seem like fun, but look at what grade a tripe the Wii has got.
GO ON LOOK AT IT!!
Now think of the same titles only with more graphics.
Wooooo “Walk it out” with life like people.

People want games like Punch my face hard till theres blood on your hands and Really good golf game 11 to bad that what they will get is Disney's hop skip and jump and In the night Garden point at the birdy game.
Yeah so I'm not expecting much from this Move, but then I don't have a PS3 yet (of the current gen I own a 360 and a Wii) so I should be looking forward to Natal, but I don't think I can.
All I have seen of it so far is interacting with some boy that looks AMAZING!!
Nar not really.
Social interaction is best done down the pub or out side and not on a computer.
Witch is probably where is best to be active.
Heck if I got active in my living room I might break something. I even tried to set out my Sega Activator the other day and failed due to lack of floor space (must tidy).

Thanks for reading.

OH NO ITS F-F-F-FANYBOYS!!!!

2010-03-12T03:30:00.001-08:00

(A typical fanboy in this case its Fanboy from freakaziod)
Right I have had my morning tea (ran outa milk so its blacker than the soul of EAs recruitment policy's) so its time to get my moan on

Fan-boys there bloody annoying.
They sit there with there eyes closed to the truth about the thing there a massive fan about.
The Urban dictionary describes them as such

A passionate fan of various elements of geek culture (e.g. sci-fi, comics, Star Wars, video games, anime, hobbits, Magic: the Gathering, etc.), but who lets his passion override social graces.
At the mall I almost got mowed over by some Dragonball Z fanboy on his skateboard.

1. A person who is completely loyal to a game or company reguardless of if they suck or not.
2. A pathetic insult often used by fanboys themselves to try and put down people who don't like whatever it is they like.
3. See fool or SEGA.
"If you don't worship SEGA and send them all your money and pay $500 for the copy of Panzer Dragon I'm selling on ebay then your obviously a Sony fanboy even though I've never heard you mention a single thing about Sony the entire five minutes I've known you." Said the SEGAFanboy.

"Yeah but the SNES didn't have Blast Processing" Said the Sega fanboy.

"FF7 sucks" Said the SEGA Saturn fanboy.

(But Final Fantasy 7 does suck)

Ok I could have been called one in the past with the Sega Saturn as I thought it was the best thing ever and constantly made fun of the Playstations short comings to those that had one forgetting of course the Saturn had a load of its own (mainly it didn't do 3D games), but I grew up and grew out of it.
But fan boys have been around since well forever.
I think religion started it all with one section of people saying “Fuck yeah our god is more godly than yours£ and more criticising there vision of god and calling him a “Hippy pile-o-shite” saying “get a hair cut and a job” while worshipping a stick with a trilby on it and then taking it to the extremes and starting a war over it. When to there own shock the trilby blows off so they are left with a normal stick that gets discarded in the bin for collection the next day. (thank god im a atheist ok maybe not as I do worship at the alter of Lemmy and will be putting “Heavy Metal” in the census next year for shits and giggles)
Skip forward a few more years (try hundreds)now there's football teams and these guys have the same ideas they go to a massive dome like building and worship there own teams by buying the same T-shirts while wishing harm upon those that support the opposing side and chanting there mantra “your shit your shit don't you know it”
There are also anime fan boys and these are annoying as well.
I mean come on Bleach its just DragonBallz with swords and without the nostalgia and they see those bits where they show off there ultimate technique (arm chopo)to some body whom later on in the series ends up being somebody that gets all the very low level fights while the main hero shows off his newer ultimate technique (super arm chopo) to this newer bad guy that also later on becomes his friend, but this feels like im having a dig at Bleach here, but who can blame me?
There's more than Bleach though, but im just singling it out as it was the first one that popped into my head when I thought of anime fan boys (Ok Naruto popped up as well, but thats has a load of flaws so I wont bother going on about it, but hold on this is a game blog and im going on about thinks that could be tediously linked to games.
So console fanboys
These days its hard to understand why they still exist. I mean the 360 and PS3 get the same games coming out on them for the most part so its kinda down to there own lack of inelegance. Then there's the Wii I find very little that's good about that one as looking for “good games” on it is like walking threw a stream of sea looking for a spec of gold. I have had the pleasure of reading one Wii fanboys uneducated rants on a site known as “Wiichat” where he goes on at length about how developers are lazy and the Wii can handle games like the 360s version of Dead Rising with the 360s on screen zombie count and that Capcom where lazy with the port. I hate to of had him round in the 90s.
So yeah fanboys are a annoying bread of people that need to shut the hell up and look at there consoles down sides.

Yeah so theres a lot of fanboys about
from big time ones like galaxy's (milky way of GTFO) to tea and coffee (im on the tea side of things)
Maybe you know of a fan boy. Maybe you are one. maybe you are one of me (seek help now)
Thanks for skimming your eyes over the text
Feel free to comment and ask for a moan about something.

question of control

2010-03-05T03:41:00.000-08:00

Well its time to get my moan on
(This was wrote before I read this months Retro Gamer)
So controllers then. Over the years we have had a few different examples of them over the years, some better than others. From the excellent Sega Saturn controller to the arse fest of the Sega Activator (getting us active in our games WHAT WHERE THEY THINKING!!?), but now all of our controllers have to be wireless. Now with the Wii thats understandable as you don't need a cord in the way as you swing the damn thing around while playing Wii Tennis, but then some thing bad happens as your battery's go flat so now you have to find some more so you can continue playing or in the case of the PS3/360 find the charge cable and use it as a wired controller. In my case id use it as a wired one anyway as I dont sit that far away from the screen.
While I'm on about "waggle" controllers I have to mention Sonys new dildo controller. Its another add on to the pile of "What Nintendo do others copy and improve" the main improvement in this case is its shape, its more rounded so those dirty feckers can make a porn game and use it as a rudimentary dildo and shove it up there arses to they can pretend that Lara Croft is fucking them up the arse with a strap-on.
Coming next from Sony a cock ring.

My next generation

2010-02-26T12:06:00.000-08:00

Next Gen?

Ok this moan is going to be about people referring to the current generation of consoles as “next gen”.
In the past a lot of us looked forward to this “Next generation” of consoles. Back when it was the bit wars era the next gen was always a number that was double what it was, but then came along the Dreamcast and it died down a bit for us all as the makers stopped boasting about who many bits it was and so ended the bit wars. What bit would we be on now? 256? Well the 360 must be wrongly titled as 360 isn't 256x2 unless it is called a 360 due to the circle on the front?. Maybe the PS3 is called so due to it having the power of three Psones and the Wii is called the Wii due to it…..................?
WHAT THE FRAK WHERE THEY ON WHEN THEY NAMED THAT!!?
Anyway that's all of pondering why the Wii is called a Wii as its no longer 2006.

Annnnnyway so next gen or the current gen as it should be known.
Its a eerie thought that the Dreamcast is retro when I remember it being called “Next Gen” and now its in Retro gamer as a bit of video games history. So does this mean that in ten more years the 360/PS3 will be in Retro gamer?(that's if the printed media is still going in ten years). Will we be looking back and saying “Wow remember Portal? What a great game that was” and then buying it online to play on our PS4s(Im guessing on the title here).
While people like me moan that this next gen of consoles has robbed us of the pleasure of holding a new game in our hands.
So can people stop referring to the 360 and PS3 as next gen?
Ok the Wii is last gen one point five.

While im on it
Whats with people calling the 360 the Xbox?
Lets call it the 360 as that's its name
We dont call the PS 3 the playstation do we?

Thanks for reading

Plastic instrument band

2010-02-22T11:40:00.000-08:00

Well its been thirty years since the death of a certain lead singer from a little known band. Who am I talking about? Its Bon Scott the more famous of the AC/DC singers so link wise I am going to get my moan on about these shitty plastic music interment based games.

(Yeah I am listening to some Scott era of AC/DC)

Yeah games like Guitar hero, Rock band, DJ Hero (less so as it trys to be different) and the other ones that I cant be arsed to remember. I do enjoy them, but I stopped buying them after the second Guitar Hero (mainly due to losing my job), but then I saw they had two coming out soon after Guitar Hero 80s and 3. Now its seems like we have at least one coming out every few months.

Its not a new concept. Oh dear me no. Its a style of game that has been going on since 1979 if you count the “Simon” hand-held as a instrument. Well thats what the Wiki says is the start, but if you ask me its not really music based. So skip forward a few years(over ten).

Then we had Konamis Guitar Freaks in the arcade witch is the first remembered one that relied upon plastic interments. Then they made Drum Mania, but these games where mostly made for the Japanese market. So along came Harmonix with there Guitar Hero. All the music fans rejoiced HERE WAS A GAME FOR US TO ROCK OUT TO! Ok so the track listing had a whole bargain bin rock compilation feel to it with songs that most of us are probably sick of hearing on lesser rock stations (yeah Im sick of Ace of Spades and Smoke on the water), people like me bought the game anyway and enjoyed it. Then about a year later the second came out. Same idea different tracks and less of the ones that get over played. Yep we all got that one as well. Then it came to Rocks the 80s Interest was wavering at this point as there was Guitar Hero 3 round the corner. In the mean time EA started on its Rock Band series of games. Yeah here was more than just a guitar here was a full band so what did Harmonix do? Made Guitar Hero World Tour. So now we had two company's basically making the same game and these “band in a box” games weren't cheap and at first weren't backwards compatible so if you wanted them both you had to buy BOTH SETS!! and at over a hundred quid each they weren't cheap. Thankfully later versions of the games rectified that, but they also in the mean time made some single band based ones like the shoddy AC/DC one that is just there live album and the over hyped band Beatles one (yeah Beatles aren't that good and by the end of Retro Rewind I was sick of hearing there songs), but by now these games had become well known (there was a stage for them at Donington), but these games required next to no musical talent to play (heck even people that made the songs tried the game and got a fail)

Now we have more than one lot as theres also Band Hero (poptastic mate), DJ Hero (Urgh JZ), Lego Rockband to name, but a few.

To put it simply there replacing Karaoke, but are more expensive if you want to keep up to date. So what now?

Well there are free versions the most well known of them is Frets On Fire that offers users the choice of what songs they want in there (No Tokyo Hotel for starters) so its play-list is all down to the user. It keeps it simple with no mass of wires connecting up to a console. Frets on Fire was originally made to be played on a keyboard, but you could wire up a PS2 Guitar to it.

So I think ill stick to the free one and playing on other peoples proper copys of the game.

So now the company's are saying that there games aren't selling as well WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? The market is so flooded that its now like the set of Water World and equally as tedious. They have said that they are not going to be making as many any more or could that be due to there running out of different well known songs?

Another point is that you cant exactly get the same effect when burning a plastic guitar while playing it and smashing it on the floor wont have the same effect as a wooden one

I did leave out some games and ill give them a mention now.

Samba De Amigo – Only well known to gamers that knew what a Dreamcast was and owned one and owned by even less.

A fun little game that gives you a pair of Maracas to shake along to the music for more info “google it” and avoid the Wii version as I hear its hit and miss

Donkey Konga – Bongos your given a pair of very robust bongos sadly every version has the same tracks on it, but ill tell you what, the games fun and satisfying after a long session on it you will feel relaxed with no stress.

These are all ones that have came out in the UK there are ones like Taiko Drum Master that are yet to come out over here so I cant pass judgement on

also there is Cool cool jam on the Neogeo pocket that from what I have been told makes full use of the consoles portability.

Of all these games out WHERE IS COWBELL HERO???

Theres one I will be good at.

Thanks for reading.

Download only games - Money for nothing?

2010-02-22T11:39:00.000-08:00

Well its time to get my moan on.

This one was slightly harder than the last few as I am in a really good mood thanks to having one of those days (no sex was involved, but there was some screwing).

For more details look at my recent vid.

Yeah I know 99p!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As said in the last one about games this ones going to be about games that are “Download only”.

No Sega this isn't another one aimed at your recent Sonic 4 even if it is going to be mentioned.

This is one that can also be applied to music and one thing I was glad of was with AC/DCs “Black Ice” album, the basically said “If you want the album you can go into a store and buy it” so good one them.

So download only games. Yeah I hate them. Well free ones are great, but when you have to pay to download something it seems like its money for nothing, but the kicks aren't free!

So when I hear that a new Rocket Knight game being made that I will end up splashing money out on I think “Great, cant wait to open it”, but then things take a turn for the worst when I see the words “Download only”. Yeah “Download only”. Ok I admit its easier for the games company's to do this as it cuts out the middle man, but why download only?.

I have a hatred of paying to download something as like I said before “It feels like im paying for nothing at all.” Yeah its easier for those that don't have much space, but come on its not like your buying a Neo Geo game as most games come in DVD style cases and they give us something to look at, something to caress, something to hold close to your person and go “ahhhhhhhh”, something physical, something real heck you cant get that addicting “New game” smell from a download. Holding up a my 360 is not as nice as its kinda all wired up so I have to unplug it all and then if I drop it, it might break, but with a Wii it just feels wrong. A PC would be a total disaster.

What's so hard about sticking it on a disc?

Or better still a cheapo memory stick.

Ok it wont be the same as stroking a DVD box, but at least it wont break if I drop it from normal human hight and you will still get that “New game smell” that freaks like me love so much.

There's also that DVD cases look good on the shelf where as Hard Drives DONT!!!

They aren't designed to look good. Plus if you drop a hard drive it might get buggerd so then there's all your stuff lost.

So what's next?

Well I read that the next Generation of consoles might not have a physical form of media.

Ok so what's going to happen to places like GameCity in Stockport?

Ok that might not effect there as they also a lot of retro stuff and are cheap.

[/plug]

Did I also say that I have it when they go download only and put it into parts?

PARTS!!!

Its not like its a TV series where the next one is out in a week. We would be lucky to see the next part in the same month.

But I think I covered that last time so thats all from that and indeed that's all from me.

Thanks for reading.

Not so MegaVideo

2010-02-22T11:38:00.000-08:00

Id like to step away from games in this moan, but it can be linked to games tedious link style due to one certain pop up from it

Yes its Party Poker and there's probably some video on there of games, but aside from that there is no games connection.

Mega video then

Yeah its a video site, but unlike Youtube this one can hold more than ten minute vids.

"That sounds good" you might think. You might also think "Why isn't it as well known and as loved as Youtube?"

Well I will tell you.

For starters there's that Party Poker advert that pops up every time you click on a vid.

Its like they run the damn thing. If I wanted to play a card game id rather see the other players face, but since its poker I have little knowledge on how to play it.

But wait there's more.

There's another add that surrounds the big ol play button.

There is also the lack of moderators on the comments so site spam happens a lot.

Ok other than the adds there is errrrrrrrrrrrr

Hmmmmmm

......................OH YEAH

The video watching limit.

As best seen on this picture

70 minutes in you get a message saying that you have watched 70 minutes of video and you have to wait OVER A SODING HOUR! to watch more.

And then it starts from the beginning (unless you skip) so if you don't know where you last where its a pain to find it again.

I have never had to do that thought as I found a way round it

Well unless you pay to get a full membership, but only fools do such a mad thing.

So yeah.

MegaVideo sucks, but its still good as there is a lot of films and stuff on there if you know how to look (there are sites that list them) so its not all bad. Its just that damn limit that spoils it.

Episodic content its like a loaf of bread with other slices later

2010-02-22T11:37:00.000-08:00

Right its time to "Get my moan on"

This one its powered by Lancashire tea and by Foucus

because panpipes can sound good in something thats mad

MEANWHILE ON A ITNERNET FORUM!

Bodine typed

"I think the whole episode thing is a good idea. Makes it feel kinda epic, like Star Wars, or Lord of the Rings,... OR STAR WARS! "

I typed

"Not if your gona be paying for each one and they each will probably last for about half a hour.

Plus download only?

Ewwwwwwwwwwww

It feels like im paying for nothing at all!

nothing at all!

Anyway im wasting good material here that would be better used on a moan"

And where is that moan

Yeah so Episodic content.

Its like buying a loaf of bread, but then having to wait for the rest of it.

As a whole there is a lot of episodic content out there.

Theres TV yeah how many of you have said "I cant wait till next weeks episode" on some of your programs it even goes on to films with things like StarWars (yeah that was confusing with the newer episodes set before the older ones), back to the future and Evil Dead, then theres also comics and manga, theres also files that are in parts, but this is a bloody games based moan so we move on to the games side of things.

This "Episodic content" is not a new thing, oh dear me no,

The Wiki says the first one was

"One of the first episodic games was the Kroz series, a seven-part series of games featuring similar text-based graphics and gameplay, with renewed levels. These were not released on a regular schedule, but were sold in packages, with the first episode being available freely as shareware."

To me the first one I remember was Sonic the Hedgehog 3 with the follow on being Sonic and Knuckles, but that was not a shameless cash-in as Sonic and Knuckles could be enjoyed on its own (or with Sonic 2 plugged in to play as Knuckles IN SONIC 2!!!!!!!!!!). Fast forward a few years and the next one I can remember was Shining Force three. That was a pain in the thing im sitting on or arse as only the first part every got a translation into the Queens English, so we missed out on the rest of the story and as we all know the story line is a key part to a RPG.

Fast forward to the internet age now its becoming a developers lazy way of making money where they charge money for downloading something (ill get on to my Download only moan at a later date) the most recent of these is Sonic 4.

(Its starting to look like all of my moans are focused round that blue hedgehog)

Hooray! A 2D Sonic game the world is a better place now as theres a new 2D Sonic game coming out for a home console, Or is it?

Yeah its a download only thing and its in parts and the parts thing to me gives it a "Ill finish it later" feel to it.

Id rather have the damn thing come out when its all done in one nice little pack so I dont get that "TO BE CONTINUED" message about a hour in.

With it being in parts it makes it feel like paying for a demo of it and nobody likes paying for demos.

Its no longer the 90s where internet was all dail up and slow (you had to take a day off to download the latest episode of DragonballZ in a video definition that would look shitty on most mobiles today) so we paid a fiver for a mag with a disc on it just to get a taste for the latest game, but at least then there was going to be a few games to try out and it was only a fiver, plus if the demos where all crap you got a nice little coaster to put your drinks on.

But with these modern games coming out in instalments that we have to pay each time to play

Why not a flat out fee for all of them then you get the rest as they come out?

Why not just get us to wait till its done then bring it all out?

I might as well wait for it all to be out and buy it all at once, but that means that there will be sods on-line trying to spoil it (Like what happens when theres a film with a twist at the end somebody always say the end if they have seen it before you just to be a dick.

Sod it ill wait for it all then get it at once.

As long as I dont see that "To be continued" screen im happy.

Now about that bread I mentioned.

Its time to have the first part of my episodic daily food

Episode one "Breakfast"

All-aboard the hype train

2010-02-22T11:36:00.000-08:00

Right I have gotten my cuppa and a small snack that is mostly sugar so its time to "Get My Moan On"

This moan is powered by what ever the fark Planet Rock plays.

Hype. There's a lot of it about, weather its for a new movie (Avatar in looking at you), book (No I don't want to hear about a day in some person that's famous for being on TV once). a TV program (Heroes springs to mind). the iPad (SHUT UP ABOUT IT) or some new store that is meant to be cheap but ends up going out of business as it made no profit on anything. What I'm getting at here is there's a lot of hype about for things, but this is a games based moan. So about games it shall be.

I recently bought a game (I know big shocker) based on the hype it got about how good it was. I knew very little about it besides it was a RPG and my love of RPGs and the price made me buy it. So I got it home and played it and to my surprise about a hour in and the talking ended a five minute battle later it was back to the talking, then a few more hours later I got to choose what to say next followed by more talking. I saved the game and stopped playing so I asked some fans of it on-line "When does the game become a game and less of a game and it turns out that they forgot to mention its also a "Social interaction" game (you play out somebody's life) great so very little in the way of entertainment more like a interesting soap opera, if I wanted to read loads of text id rea one of the books on my "READ" pile.

I was sucked in by the hype around its purposed really good storyline and really good battles, my instincts told me not to get it as it had "Squaresoft" on the cover (They published it in the UK) and to me there games are all hype.

Well there's a new Halo out soon and already its got the front page of Edge magazine AGAIN! The hype about it has started to build up like a pile of rubbish that hasn't been collected over the Christmas period and rubbish it is.

And that afore mentioned magazine likes to hype up games. Then they come out and they hate them.

I do remember Sega Saturn Magazine hyping up the home port of "The House of the Dead" making it sound like its going to be the best home port ever. In truth?

Shoddy wasn't the word for it and that screen flash (older gun games had to know where the gun was pointed so the flash was it telling the game where you shot) became really annoying when in a boss battle in two player (me and a mate hardly saw anything of the final boss as the screen was white most the time)

On the rare occasion a game does live up to the hype, but the last one I can remember was Portal and good it was so from now on im going to ignore all this hype and just wait for the game to come out, then wait a bit longer till it drops down in price.

Thanks for reading.

A compilation of words about Sonic compilations

2010-02-22T11:33:00.000-08:00

The following blog post is powered by DragonForce (not the game)

Right its time to Get My Moan On.

Like I said last time this ones going to be about these constant Sonic the first few games collections.

How many of these do we need on all these different formats?

I do remember a few years ago one of the first ones was Sonic Jam on the lovely Sega Saturn and it was a joy to behold granted it only had Sonic, Sonic 2, Sonic 3 and Sonic and Knuckles, but back then it was one of the firsts of its kind, manly due to the extra content on it and Sonics World witch was a GOOD 3D SONIC GAME if a bit short, hidden inside it was so much nerdy facts, adverts and trailers that you could open a damn museum for it.

(there was also a Sonic Jam on the Tiger game.com, but its best if you don't even think about that as it is one of the worst games ever on one of the worst consoles ever)

A few years and crappy 3D games later we get “Sonic Mega Collection” that ups the number of games by adding on some that nobody gives a shit about (Sonic Spinball was never good and 3D Blast was arse full stop). Then soon after out comes a tweeked version with Game Gear/Master system versions of them “Surely this is as good as it gets” you may think and your probably right, but they left one game off and its a damn good one Sonic CD was not on it. Ok Sega sorted that out by making Sonic Gems Collection that had Sonic CD on it as well as Okish fighter Sonic the Fighters and was good for the time Sonic R, this to had on some GameGear and Master system games and even better Vectorman ok maybe not even better as I never liked them (those lucky Japs got the Streets of Rage Trilogy and over rated game Bonanza Brothers).

At least these games where not full price games.

Now a few years later we get Sonic Genesis/Mega Drive collection that has so many games I cant be arsed to list them all.

But thats not all

Go online we have also got the old Sonic games to buy again if you really like wasting your money.

Then go on Segas site there's a few for you to play online for free.

So what happens next?

Yep one more

Now we get Sonic Classics Collection for the DS

Great another chance to re-buy the same games again.

Lets see whats on this shall we?

Sonic, Sonic 2, Sonic 3, Sonic and Knuckles oh look its them games again.

WE HAVE GONE FULL SODING CIRCLE LIKE THEM RINGS!

Why not more?

Why not at least have Sonic CD on it?

I mean the DS cart is meant to be one gig isn't it?

And CDs are only 700mb WHERES THE EXTRA 300mb GONE?

It dose say it has videos on it, but videos of what?

OH DEAR GOD PLEASE DONT BE SONIC X OR THAT GO AWFUL US SONIC CARTOON!!

Will anyone be buying it considering its just another collection of games you have probably already got?

Upon all all these collections that are out they are forgetting some that need to be released as there damn hard to get hold of.

SegaSonic the Hedgehog – Ok the trackball controls may make this game had to emulate, but at least GIVE IT A TRY!

Knuckles Choatix – Technically this is a Sonic game with out Sonic.

Sonic's Pocket Adventure – This is possibly one of the greatest hand-held Sonic games. Its great and few people have played on it. Which is a damn shame.

That 3D bonus game on Christmas Nights – Ok im pushing it a bit here

Sonic Jam – Hay its old. Why not have a collection of past Sonic Collections just to piss people off?

Sonic Jam On the Tiger game.com – Lets let people play this pile-o-shite then realise that there lucky never to of herd of it.

Sonic Advance – Ok I admit I have never played it. I did have a N-gage, but it broke before I could get any games for it.

Sonic Advance /2/3 – Another I never really played.

Sonic Shuffle – Ok maybe not. Yeah lets take a fast character and stick him on a board game and see if people will buy it.

Sonic adventure /2- Ok maybe its a bit to soon

Sonic Wings – HUR HUR

Sonic Blaster man – DERP DERP

I know im missing the Mega Drive one out, but when that one came out you could get the first few Sonic games for the same price so I think nobody ever got it.

Whats next?

In the next decade will we be playing a new Sonic collection with crap like Sonic Heroes on our new PS5s and what ever retarded names the other company's come up with next?

I thank you for reading all that.

The Perfect Sonic game (for me)

2010-02-22T11:30:00.000-08:00

Anyway on to the moan powered by Saxon - Inner sanctum and Motorheads motorizer

"For a head banging good time"

Lets get this straght

I haven't played many of the recent Sonic games, as I have a inbuilt hatred towards 3D plat-formers, as I cant get my head round them. I am possibly the only person on this planet that thinks Mario 64 is not the god of all 3D plat-forming as I found it confusing to play and kept missing the jumps as I like to jump from a side ways on view. I also avoided the recent Sonic games as they where 3D (played Sonic Heroes at a local HMV and nearly threw the damn gaming pod at the display of Sonic heroes titles on the self as such is my rage towards that game). then upon hearing about Sonic Unleashed and reading of the 2D sections I was really thinking of buying it (I am without job so my gaming spends are limited), BUT THEN! In walks the 3D warehog sections like somebody wearing a 50cent T-Shirt at a Motorhead concert and like said fan he is unwelcome and has people wanting to beat him to a pulp, so I decided not to buy it.

Upon hearing about "Project Needlemouse" I have not got my hopes up on it even if Sega have said "its going to be back to basic 2D"

So come on Sega make me happy

MAKE IT GOOD!

Best Sonic games from somebody that grew up playing them

Sonic 2, Sonic 3 & Knuckles, Sonic CD and Sonics Pocket adventure (it is like a mix of Sonic 2 and 3) Sonic Chaos Sonic on the master system

Best Sonic related games

Knuckles Choatix, Sonic Conicals, Sonic jump

Best 3D Sonic games

That extra in Christmas NiGHTS, the walk around bit in Sonic Jam

Passable Sonic games (okish but not good)

Sonic adventure/2 - Was playable, but with to much arsing around(The flying bits where enjoyable the most, but thats coming from somebody that has played Panzer Dragoon a lot)knows what game they where loosely based off).

Sonic Drift Racing 2 - I am possibly the only person that liked it.

Sonic Rush on DS - To many bits that relied upon knowing the level off by heart and the screen switching didnt work out to well.

Ideal modern Sonic game-

2D with 3D back grounds (Like Strider 2 of Geoman 64 2).
The only time its 3D is with the camera behind while runing away from something (like in Sonic adventure)
Rings goes without saying.
Chaos emeralds that are hidden round the levels (like Sonic on the Master system but in random places).
If it is to have cut seens make them skipable after they have been seen.
No bonus stages as they stopped being good after Sonic 2.
If they must be there make them extra mingames that dont have to be played.
NO DOWNLOADABLE CONTENT!!
No new characters.
With the exception of a owl called Dave
Different routes for different characters (like in Sonic 3 and Knuckles).
Only playable characters be Sonic, Tails, Knuckles and Amy as the rest are ether dead or on vacation.
Better still put most of them in a sequel to Sonic Chronicles with the old Team Choatix saving something.
Sonic and Tails bits are normal 2D platform bits
Its possibly 3D for Amy and Knuckles as theres are more of a exploration stage (with some kind of combat going on)(make it so that these bits dont have to be played)
HIS NAME IS ROBOTNICK NOT EGGMAN!!! (there was a really good origin story for both him and Sonic in the UKs Sonic the Comic).
Possible new versions of classic stages (GIVE ME NEO CHEMICAL PLANT ZONE!!).
With possible time travelling thing from Sonic CD?
The return of "SEGAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" before the title screen as it makes me feel like everything going to be ok.
Same music composer as the one from the older titles.
Make it not set on Earth as that makes no sense.
Maybe make the time travel sections on a modified Tornado plane (NOT WITH IT GOING UP TO 88 MILES PER HOUR) in the Sonic Adventure style.
No choas as they look like the bastard offspring from a drunken sex session between them puyos and Nightopians and are just as useless as the later of the two.
SPEED Its not Sonic with out that.

Also I know your possably reading this Sega (as I tweeted it to you)

TAKE SONIC OUT OF A DAMN CAR IN THAT RACING GAME!!

Hes fast on his feet so why a car?

Thanks for reading.

Im probably going to follow up with a rant about the amount of Sonic game collections next.

But that will probably be in a day or so as I have things to do

Moanwrite - Gameplay moan

2010-02-22T11:28:00.000-08:00

Note this is not a moan against the online store GamePlay

Yeah this is one thing that really gets on my nerves, its the term "GamePlay" used on video of the game in play the Wiki say the following about the term game play

Despite criticism, the term gameplay has gained acceptance in popular gaming nomenclature, being the only common phrase describing the quality of player engagement or how "fun" the game is. The primary aspects of gameplay are the challenges the game presents to players, and the actions that players may take in response to those challenges. Some gaming reviews give a specific score for gameplay, along with graphics, sound, and replay value. Many consider "gameplay" to be the most important indicator of the quality of a game.

To summarise its what you feel when you play the game in question, some thing that makes the game good. NOT A VIDEO OF THE GAME BEING PLAYED! Unless its one of those shitty 90s FMV games that had none of this game play.

The recent change in the usage of it can be traced back to EA. there now using it to confuse that clueless idiot off the street that probably has a Wii and thinks that this Wiifit is a really good game and buys anything he see advertised by Ant and Dec as he thinks there real people that have spent years playing these strange video games, has weak normal sized thumbs, a manicure, talks with his colleagues down the wine bar about what ever it is these morons talk about and thinks that the latest X factor band is really "Rockin" and has never played anything PrePlaystation 2 and has herd that a game needs game play to be good. So a EA rep in his infinite wisdom decided to show somebody laying the game and slap on a "Actual Game play" on it witch I do applaud them for, but the bloke off the street will probably now go into a store and judge his next purchase of possible gaming shovelware on those little pictures on the back of the box thinking that "oh these gameplay shots look good, this looks like a really good game" while looking on the back of Walk it out while avoiding the ones that can be called games like Madworld, Ghost Squad or even soding Warioware.

So thanks EA you are now bringing down the games industry by influencing this poor sods game purchases and making him buy the filler and not the killer so is the possible reason why company's like Sega and Capcom arnt doing them good games on them as much.

So in closing I urge those games promoters to use the correct term "Game in play" to stop these game buying idiots from buying the wrong things.

I thank you

Movements

2010-02-22T11:26:00.000-08:00

Yeah.

Webs was a pile-o-shite.

It never let me sign in as my self unless I was in the site editor, then it only let me post as a anon. So its now going to all be here.