E3 - Konami saga

Well its that time of year again. Not not Zombie Jesus day or Lemmys birthday.

Its E3 time and like last year I will be complaining about it.

So get ready for a load of words about what I think about the carp (ok and good stuff). What? Well if you don’t like it DONT READ IT! I have followed that method for years when it comes to tabloid news papers.

Ok so on to E3.

This will be done in a post for each company.

First up Konami.

Last years was bloody funny and painful, but this years?

Well I didn’t do a live blogging thing so here’s a quick summary.

Remake, Remake, Remake, Sequel, Remake, NEW GAME!, Remake, Remake and a big C.

Yeah there going down the remake path and what gets me is THERE NOT THAT OLD! Metal Gear solid 2/3 and Silent hill 2/3. Zone of Enders, Come on there PS2 games. There PS2 games that aren’t that hard to get hold of. Ok maybe not Zone of enders 2.

What do they have against remaking the first games? they look a bit arse these days and could do with a make over.

Still a new Silent hill game is coming out. It seems to be all they know how to make.

What about some of there older games? I cant be the only one that wants a new Goeman game or at least a remake of them.

What of that “NEW GAME!” I mentioned. Never dead. Its unusual for me to give a toss about a FPS, but this one looks different. The main character is immortal, he can rip off his own limbs and use them as weapons. Its not like this has been done before, but its a Japanese developer. Making a FPS, THEY HATE THEM!

the new Slient hill film was mentioned

There was also some game save sharing thing from PS3 to PSP, a interesting idea, but it only works on Metal gear solid so far and I have lost interest in that series as its the same same every time (even becoming the same story with different people).

Still the thing whole thing was at least funny, funny as it was meant to be.

The big C at the end is a bit of a obvious hint as to what’s to come, A new contra? A Contra remake. Ill wait to see.

TL:DR

Remakes, Remakes everywhere. Not a new idea among them

Im going to try and keep them to a page a peace

Im waiting

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3JEORDUEqc

I love that advert and there’s a great message there for us gamers these days.

Some things are worth waiting for (for the most part) Look at some of the games I have waited for. Metal Slug X which was held back by a year for no good reason on the humble old Playstation, I waited years to get hold of a copy of Phantasy star on the Master system (this was before Ebay) and there is of course Nintendo fans. We waited a few months for Smash brothers on Wii and even the new Kirby game. Why? Well Nintendo likes to make us wait for no good reason. (read they hate us).

So waiting while annoying can be good as think of the last time you got the latest release only to find it a few months later for a few quid less an in some cases even half price. Look at Madworld last year it was forty quid. Now you can get it for four. THATS ONE ZERO OFF!! Ok thats probably because it didn’t sell well (A good Wii game not selling how unique). Some times as well probably know they don’t drop down in price for a long time (COD and Fifa are like this) or until the “sequel” comes out.(again COD and Fifa), but then nobody wants the older version.

There’s also that waiting for some games to load or for the latest firmware update. Least we forget about those old cassette computers. They took a age to load. So much time in fact that you could get a cuppa in and you had no idea if that new game was any good and worth the wait

So one thing I ask of my readers is to wait a bit as sometimes I forget to write these or cant (It helps if I am in a mood).

Thanks

(See I talked about waiting and didnt talk about Duke Nukem)

Opinsion

Ok so as people that “Follow” me on Twitter will know. Over the past week I have been sorting out all the stuff at The Lass and some thing came to me.

What ever happened to consoles that could share the same cables? Not talking about the power cables as they are different, talking about the pads.

What of those 9-pin joysticks? They where great. If yours broke you could just go and buy a new 9-pin. Heck you could even buy a Mega Drive pad and use that on a Atari (For those that dont like holding some thing that’s shaped like a penis).

(I mean look at some of them)

(They really do look like a penis)

(Just don’t google “Penis Joystick”)

(Your going to aren’t you?)

(You dirty fecker)

Well the connector slides into the hole nice and snug, but try that with a Nintendo consoles. It don’t fit do it? Nintendo had to be different, but then there’s more than just a few fire buttons on it. There’s them awkwardly place select and start buttons. Now days some of these consoles do have the same connection (USB), but wont work cross platform and its understandable as they all have different things on them and have come a long way from one button one stick.(Shaped like a penis)

(With a big red bit on top)

Thanks for reading.

APRIL FOOL! Oh its after midday

What ever happened to “Good” funny April fools jokes? I mean like in games mags. Its alive and well online with all those ruining Duke Nukem Forever coming out jokes (Or even Duke Comes out?). I remember they used to be funny. Like with the Ultimate Fighting Universe (Still a better idea than Street fighter x Tekken) and Iznogood.....oh wait that was a real game.

I was going to do one online this year, but with all this time zone crap.

Maybe the death of Computer and Video games mag has led to them fizzling out and that is a shame as I loved the letters page the following month of people failing to spot it or even getting the wrong one (Yes there is a game called Iznogood and surprisingly it is no good, but what do you expect ITS FRENCH! The only decent thing that was animated that came out of France was Asterix).

But I did see one that was kinda obvious on Tokyo Toshokan where it has a splash screen saying that the FBI have taken it off line

So I was looking round for some this year and found none. Maybe us net heads are wiser to it.

I am your moaning sod thanks for reading.

Manual or auto

Get this I like to read things. I have read all sorts (Not the sweets), but like most I tend to read when I have nothing else to do. (like when having a crap, nobody wants shit on there handhelds clogging up the buttons, plus if the book is rubbish it will become bog roll) and one thing that I seem to browse threw is video game manuals.. Yes them little books that come with games. They are a right mixed bag. From the HOLYCRAPFULLCOLOURITSLIKESOMEKINDOFMADACID INDUCEDTRIPWHILESKIPINGTHEWAFEILDOFPONYSTHATAREMADEOFSKITTLES! that is the Japanese ones. To the Thisislikesomekindaofofficaldocument that is the US ones and the middle of the road UK ones. Some can be better than the game that there written about (Red Ninja has pictures). So yes they are good things.

There is also collectors that insist on having them and all the other junk that gets packed with there games and some retailers wont take a game as a exchange if they don’t have any.

So when I read the following earlier this week....

I was first in a rage about it. Then I remembered that its my old friend EA and they are only in it for the money. As it states EA will have in game how to's. So dose that make it better?

I say no. Ok maybe not “no” like that more like “NO!” with a slap to the face and a kick to the balls.

Ok reading on a bit more they are doing it mostly with there sports titles. I think most the sheep that by there yearly updates don’t read them anyway and people like that are un herd (derp) of in my eyes.

But if you look at most games manuals these days they can be no more than a sorry excuse for a flyer with the same amount of info.

In game ones are ok and all, but I like to read them on the bog.

So I wipe my arse with there money saving idea.

If making the game got cheaper will they still be full price?

Cheap games from EA?

Ok maybe not

Ducking cover

Ok so get this. If there’s one thing I hate in First Person Shooters these days its the following. “Duck and cover” or “Hide and seek”. Basically run to a bit of wall and hide behind it, pop out and shoot, now repeat until you go to the next wall, now turn the sodding thing off and stick on something “Fun”. FPS of the past where more like “JUST BRING IT!” now its more like “Oh don’t shoot me it might hurt”. Yeah I prefer the older way. It feels a lot less like virtual playing peak-a-boo. Ok so some “Wankers” past round the whole “Its strategic”. What is? Doing the same thing over and over? To me that’s just like in space invaders, only using the chickening out method and only popping out when you feel “Safe” where

as older FPS you just stand in the open telling them to “BRING ON THE PAIN!” then move a bit to the right or left (never both).

So again I say im waiting for Duke Nukem for ever to come and show the pansy’s how its done (again).

Shooters now

Shooters then

Nuff said

Things I hate about games I love

Welcome to another things I hate about games I love. A look into what kinda spoils a game experience on those masterpieces, but not as much for me to call it “Totally arsetastic”

This time its the turn of OutRun 2006 sp

So hold on and get ready to probably agree with what I am complaining about.

Ill start by saying that OutRun 2006 sp is probably the happiest game I have ever played. Its just so damn cheery and positive. Its the type of game that will stop me from feeling like its time to end it all. Its that positive. So its great, but what about what I hate about it? Well here we go. This is going to be tricky.

-First up its the menus. Ok these don't mean bugger all when driving, but they could at least make them a little easier to get threw. All that small writing and the noise as your going threw them don't help, but like I said they don't really ruin the game. While im on about that, cant it remember the last car you picked so that on your next go threw its the first one selected?

-When you finish a course you have to go back threw all these menus to change something like the music. While Magical sound shower its a great tune, I dont want to hear it all the time.

-The driver (lets call him Gitty Mc Fartpants). Hes a smug git like every sod that has a Fararri and has the type of face you want to slap, hes probably the type of person that goes to wine bars and has a favourite number and brand of wine and say things like “This has a nice body with good colour and tastes a bit like the last burning ember on the camp fire at my old log cabin that I rent out to a nice couple every year for a few weeks at a high price. Hes just that much of a git.

-The points thing. I have yet to unlock every thing as its a bit stingy the amount it gives at the end of every race and there never enough to buy anything.

-The Driver. HE IS A GIT! With a small penis.

-His bird. Probably only with him as he has a Ferrari, but what she says makes me want to shut her up with some sort of gag. Also what she says while your driving means she is the exactly type who probably gets easily distracted by..................Oh look a seagull.

-The timer. Unless its on easy it will run out on you even if you are on a perfect run.

-Car vs bus/truck. Car wins. WTF? Ok it is a arcade game and is not meant to be realistic, but still this is a bit silly.

-PSP link up? Anyone ever done this. Does it do anything good or is it a bit arse?

-The driver he’s a small penised smug git that is probably spoiled by his parents.

I have just realised that I CONTROLL HIM!

Ok time to go ram his posh car into a tree and see the lack of any kind of damage. Just emotional as his bird tells him off

Well there you have it. Some shit about something that is not shit.

Im going off to play it for a bit to cheer my self up.