Ok so get this. I have been watching a lot of TV on Youtube. 4OD seem to have a lot of great old TV programs (and a load of shite) so in the past week I have watched a few series from my childhood (Ok I was not the target audience) and in them there are adverts, lots of adverts and they are often repeated. Ok so they have to pay the bills somehow and some are kinda funny. ONCE!, but im not going to moan about them I am going to focus on one thing that was advertised in them. No not the new Fifa. It is a Dsi game. No its not one you think its this.
What the fug? A game that trains you face? Why?
What kind of mindless drones buy this shite? Well ill tell you. Its those “Norms” that got there DS for that “Brain Training” game. Why would you want to train your face unless you are that shallow in which case you will probably use all those creams and crap you find in most girls bathrooms. What’s the point of it? It just seems to be another one of those things that I would feel sorry to call “A game”, but think of it like this. Those “Norms” probably will buy it over something that can be called “A game” Heck it even comes with a stand to put it on. What about those with a massive face? Will they have sit sit away from it so they cant read the text on screen? They could at least try to make it into a game, but id have no idea how a high score board on it will work? Will it time how long you can hold a face breaking smile?
I mean look at Brain training. It at least had some kind of interactivity on it. This thing all you do is put it down and look at it. If I wanted to look at a DS screen Id put a video on it. If I wanted to practice my smile id watch some thing funny.
Sod this spamware shite
Heres one thing you can do when you see it
1- Look confused
2- Shake head
3- FacePalm
Coming soon
Handtraining
"How to train your hands to play games"
Friday, 24 September 2010
Friday, 17 September 2010
FPS Hell 4
Ok there has been a lack of content on here of late. I was going to make up some fancy arsed excuse, but that would be my equivalent of “The dog ate it”. Damn them internet dogs. There a load of woofters and there barking up the wrong tree, ok that’s enough of the doggy puns. The bottom line is “I couldn't be arsed” and that’s the bottom line cause I say so. Also did you read the tweet from last Friday?
To quote Michael Cole (WWE) “and I quote”
I need to be aggressive to do these things you know. Also a lot of tea helps and I was running low on LANCASHIRE TEA bags (there’s a plug). Ill work on a video on how to moan when I can be arsed. Anyway that’s enough of that on to this weeks moan. I had a few ideas for this weeks (the spice will flow), but instead I am going to be finishing off my “FPS Hell” one. There might be more at later dates, but ill keep them as a suprise.
So lastly this one is going to be about the universal debate about them and that is “What is the better control scheme?”
What am I talking about? Well here it is.
- PC users say “Mouse and keyboard” and for slower paced games (Portal, Deus EX) I tend to agree, but my set up is a bit different as my PC is not tied to a desk (its on a tea trolley)and I use a trackball (its bloody great for internets). I don't use wireless parts as for some bloody reason they refuse to work in this flat. On the PC front I did do a strange configuration for some of my games that was “Half pad half keyboard” I used this on Portal and the pad (360) replaced the mouse and felt quite good. Sadly not all games have the “edit control’s” option that goes as deep as that. It was great thought.
- Console users say “Duel analogue sticks” is the best. This is great for fast paced games. Think of us poor sods that remember playing on NON ANALOG PADS! Yeah us that played Doom on the SNES and Zero Tolerance on the Mega Drive did so with out them. This was ok thought as one of the things I like to say is “A game is best made when its made to suit the controller” and these did. Ok so these games didn’t really make full use of looking up and down (ZT did let you look up. Don't know why as there was nothing up there) and weapon cycling can be a pain (there was one that let you bind a weapon to a button cant remember its name). So yes for some games this works better, wait for almost all games this works well, but let me throw you a “Curve ball” (baseball turm I have picked up on even if I do think its a tarted up “Rounders”) and say this.
- N64 pad. Oh yes the N64 had loads of shooters. It was the 360 of two gens ago, but then the FPS games where at least “Decent” and it had Turok 2, Perfect Dark and Forsaken ( the PSOne had that one as well, but the N64 on is better). This controller pattern kinda copy’s the keyboard way. This is great till your analogue stick becomes “loose” then you are nackerd.
- Wiimote/Move YOU SIR ARE A IDIOT! That’s all that can be said to them
I think the pad/keyboard and mouse one is best put into practice with official top game “Deus EX” (if you haven’t played it you don't have a opinion on FPS'. Ot bad I didn't write this a few months back as it was on “Steam” for three quid and you got the sequel that isn't as good, but still better than most FPS games). It is out on PS2 and PC annnnnnnd I wont do that comparison thing on here I will save it for my main site as there are a lot of changes to the PS2 version. The second one feels a lot more console friendly.
There is no true winner in the control’s argument as its down to the game that your playing with them and how well it has been changed for the console. If you need to go into different menus quite fast the PC way is best, where as its a bollocks to it shoot everything orgy of death with things flying at you I will say pad.
TLDR
Hmm how to shorten this? Control’s depend on the user and game. There is no winner.
One last thing to be said.
Do gun games (House of the dead/Virtua Cop/Ghost squad)c ount as First person shooters? As you are seeing them as if you are looking threw the eyes of the player. Ok I will settle for “On rails FPS” but they can be fun.
To quote Michael Cole (WWE) “and I quote”
I dont think I shld of listend 2 Auralmoon ths close 2 writing ths weeks moan i'm 2 RELAXED!!! FUNK YEAH PROG ROCK!!(don't worry not all are like that)
I need to be aggressive to do these things you know. Also a lot of tea helps and I was running low on LANCASHIRE TEA bags (there’s a plug). Ill work on a video on how to moan when I can be arsed. Anyway that’s enough of that on to this weeks moan. I had a few ideas for this weeks (the spice will flow), but instead I am going to be finishing off my “FPS Hell” one. There might be more at later dates, but ill keep them as a suprise.
So lastly this one is going to be about the universal debate about them and that is “What is the better control scheme?”
What am I talking about? Well here it is.
- PC users say “Mouse and keyboard” and for slower paced games (Portal, Deus EX) I tend to agree, but my set up is a bit different as my PC is not tied to a desk (its on a tea trolley)and I use a trackball (its bloody great for internets). I don't use wireless parts as for some bloody reason they refuse to work in this flat. On the PC front I did do a strange configuration for some of my games that was “Half pad half keyboard” I used this on Portal and the pad (360) replaced the mouse and felt quite good. Sadly not all games have the “edit control’s” option that goes as deep as that. It was great thought.
- Console users say “Duel analogue sticks” is the best. This is great for fast paced games. Think of us poor sods that remember playing on NON ANALOG PADS! Yeah us that played Doom on the SNES and Zero Tolerance on the Mega Drive did so with out them. This was ok thought as one of the things I like to say is “A game is best made when its made to suit the controller” and these did. Ok so these games didn’t really make full use of looking up and down (ZT did let you look up. Don't know why as there was nothing up there) and weapon cycling can be a pain (there was one that let you bind a weapon to a button cant remember its name). So yes for some games this works better, wait for almost all games this works well, but let me throw you a “Curve ball” (baseball turm I have picked up on even if I do think its a tarted up “Rounders”) and say this.
- N64 pad. Oh yes the N64 had loads of shooters. It was the 360 of two gens ago, but then the FPS games where at least “Decent” and it had Turok 2, Perfect Dark and Forsaken ( the PSOne had that one as well, but the N64 on is better). This controller pattern kinda copy’s the keyboard way. This is great till your analogue stick becomes “loose” then you are nackerd.
- Wiimote/Move YOU SIR ARE A IDIOT! That’s all that can be said to them
I think the pad/keyboard and mouse one is best put into practice with official top game “Deus EX” (if you haven’t played it you don't have a opinion on FPS'. Ot bad I didn't write this a few months back as it was on “Steam” for three quid and you got the sequel that isn't as good, but still better than most FPS games). It is out on PS2 and PC annnnnnnd I wont do that comparison thing on here I will save it for my main site as there are a lot of changes to the PS2 version. The second one feels a lot more console friendly.
There is no true winner in the control’s argument as its down to the game that your playing with them and how well it has been changed for the console. If you need to go into different menus quite fast the PC way is best, where as its a bollocks to it shoot everything orgy of death with things flying at you I will say pad.
TLDR
Hmm how to shorten this? Control’s depend on the user and game. There is no winner.
One last thing to be said.
Do gun games (House of the dead/Virtua Cop/Ghost squad)c ount as First person shooters? As you are seeing them as if you are looking threw the eyes of the player. Ok I will settle for “On rails FPS” but they can be fun.
Friday, 3 September 2010
mini moan 1
Mini moan time. The FPS one will continue next week.
Gaming events are nice, but expensive and socail.
Enjoy your online gaming
Gaming events are nice, but expensive and socail.
Enjoy your online gaming
Friday, 27 August 2010
FPS hell 3
Well come to this part (huh huh part) of my “FPS HELL!” thingy.
Here is one particular annoyance for me in these games. Yet again it can be applied to some other games.
Ill start with a flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Playing Halo.(yeah this game comes up a lot)
Walking round taking things out with my rifle thing. I go to where they all died and spot a rather handy “Big gun”, but I cant carry it. So I am left with holding a rifle and a shitty pistol.
This fills me full of rage. I know they are trying to keep it real, but ITS A SCI-FI SHOOTER! Sod realism. It gets in the way yet again. ITS A GAME! SET ON A FICTIONAL PLANET! SHOOTING AT FICTIONAL ALIENS! Frak it. In Turok, Serious Sam, Painkiller and EVEN ZELDA! You could hold some stupidly big weapons and where do they keep-em? In that little pocket? In Sams case I think that is implausible as his jeans are tight, Turok? Well its been shown that he keeps them in his pouch that’s like a TARDIS only without time travel.
This is also one of my gripes about Deus EX everything is stored in a item menu and I mean EVERYTHING! So it fills up quite fast. Do you discard a gun as you no longer get ammo for on a regular basis? Or trade it for a different one? Well my recent game of it I have tried to stick to the same ones, but now I am out of rifle ammo. I don't wanna chuck the damn thing away as its been upgraded and has been my best friend since the start.
The less said about Resident Evil the better, but the fourth and fifth had a decent compromise and made it like a frozen game of Tetris with stupid peace’s that aren’t made of four squares. Ok bad example you know what I mean (I hope).
I know these things are ment to be making us pick our weapons seriously, but if you are me you like “A little something for every occasion” or a big ROCKETLUUUUANCHERRRR!! just to aim at peoples arse and inject them with a large insertion of steel love that may go off inside them filling them full of loveable hate that spews out on people near by so they to can feel my big rocket of love as well. (wait what?)
Watch the following video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dsWO6OZufw
Ok they are all smaller guns, but add a backpack on him and he can carry even more.
ITEM SLOTS DONT EFFECT REAL LIFE!!
TLDR
Bloody hate damn item slots makes me want to fill there “item slots” with my fist
Here is one particular annoyance for me in these games. Yet again it can be applied to some other games.
Ill start with a flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Playing Halo.(yeah this game comes up a lot)
Walking round taking things out with my rifle thing. I go to where they all died and spot a rather handy “Big gun”, but I cant carry it. So I am left with holding a rifle and a shitty pistol.
This fills me full of rage. I know they are trying to keep it real, but ITS A SCI-FI SHOOTER! Sod realism. It gets in the way yet again. ITS A GAME! SET ON A FICTIONAL PLANET! SHOOTING AT FICTIONAL ALIENS! Frak it. In Turok, Serious Sam, Painkiller and EVEN ZELDA! You could hold some stupidly big weapons and where do they keep-em? In that little pocket? In Sams case I think that is implausible as his jeans are tight, Turok? Well its been shown that he keeps them in his pouch that’s like a TARDIS only without time travel.
This is also one of my gripes about Deus EX everything is stored in a item menu and I mean EVERYTHING! So it fills up quite fast. Do you discard a gun as you no longer get ammo for on a regular basis? Or trade it for a different one? Well my recent game of it I have tried to stick to the same ones, but now I am out of rifle ammo. I don't wanna chuck the damn thing away as its been upgraded and has been my best friend since the start.
The less said about Resident Evil the better, but the fourth and fifth had a decent compromise and made it like a frozen game of Tetris with stupid peace’s that aren’t made of four squares. Ok bad example you know what I mean (I hope).
I know these things are ment to be making us pick our weapons seriously, but if you are me you like “A little something for every occasion” or a big ROCKETLUUUUANCHERRRR!! just to aim at peoples arse and inject them with a large insertion of steel love that may go off inside them filling them full of loveable hate that spews out on people near by so they to can feel my big rocket of love as well. (wait what?)
Watch the following video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dsWO6OZufw
Ok they are all smaller guns, but add a backpack on him and he can carry even more.
ITEM SLOTS DONT EFFECT REAL LIFE!!
TLDR
Bloody hate damn item slots makes me want to fill there “item slots” with my fist
Friday, 20 August 2010
FPS Hell 2
Welcome to FPS hell
PART errr what comes after 1?
Here’s another thing that annoys me. Its not just about FPS games, its about games in general, but mostly about FPS'.
It is forced driving, turret and ONLY DO THIS sections. There are a few major culprits of these most notably Half Life 2 (OI STOP THAT BOOING ITS NOT PERFECT!) I mean look at it. Its a game about shooting not driving as the control’s where meant for shooting. You don't buy a racing game and expect to get out and “pop-a-cap” in the driver in fronts tires do you? Ok Lucky and Wild aside. I know they are trying to spice things up a bit, but when the car handles like a slug on ice (ORIGINAL IDEA DO NOT STEAL!) it makes it feel just damn wrong if they are to have these vehicle sections let us be where ever we want. One the first annoyances of this for me was in the first Halo. Being forced to take the wheel when a nupty took control of the gun and got us shot to fug while I tried to steer the damn thing threw a narrow corridor and later on in the game where I have to do that get out of the place before it blows up thing that HAS BEEN DONE TO DEATH AND CAN BE ANNOYING IF SOME BUGGER IS SCREAMING AT ME TO HURRY UP! On second thoughts knowing the CPUs Ai id be better off as the driver as he might just end up driving into a wall or worse still into a damn pitfall leaving my cursing his name as we plunge into the depths of the “Restart at last check point” message. Even worse than that is underwater/space bits so now we have a new axes to annoy us. No longer confined to over there and that way we now have up there and down there as well and to make things worse if you bump into things you get damage. Why can't they just give us the option of “Riding shotgun” and shooting stuff. Surely those that like these sections are those with short attention spans that like to see all those explosions and pretty colours.
Turrets in games can be annoyances as well.
Think of it like this. From moving round dodging bullets to being stuck on the spot moving a cursor round and holding fire and getting shot some new holes. Worse still is when its on a moving thing in some car chase in space thing or if it has some kind of “heat” gauge that likes to fill up very fast so you are left standing there behind a load of temporary useless metal and being used as a place to hold freshly used rounds/bullets. These are favoured by noobs until they get taken out by a sniper, throw a fit and rage quit.
Lastly for this weeks part (huh huh part) we have those sections where you are forced to do something in the way the game wants it. Half Life 2 part 2s last section springs to mind as one of these bits (look it up). Destroy these tripod things with sticky bombs that have a rubbish firing ark. Why not give me a ROCKET LUANCHAIR!! and enough ammo to take out every ant in the world twice (ok over kill alert) worse still is force fed sniper sections ok so for the most part this is now I like to kill things, from the distance and unseen, but slap on a time limit and limited ammo and “Shakey vision” and you got me getting pissed off at the gunner for being a prick. Wait that s me?
Ok then getting pissed over the annoying well trained marine that has shakey hands due to all those years of UZI abuse. A ADDITCION THAT MUST BE STOPPED!
Bit like these forced driving sections
PART errr what comes after 1?
Here’s another thing that annoys me. Its not just about FPS games, its about games in general, but mostly about FPS'.
It is forced driving, turret and ONLY DO THIS sections. There are a few major culprits of these most notably Half Life 2 (OI STOP THAT BOOING ITS NOT PERFECT!) I mean look at it. Its a game about shooting not driving as the control’s where meant for shooting. You don't buy a racing game and expect to get out and “pop-a-cap” in the driver in fronts tires do you? Ok Lucky and Wild aside. I know they are trying to spice things up a bit, but when the car handles like a slug on ice (ORIGINAL IDEA DO NOT STEAL!) it makes it feel just damn wrong if they are to have these vehicle sections let us be where ever we want. One the first annoyances of this for me was in the first Halo. Being forced to take the wheel when a nupty took control of the gun and got us shot to fug while I tried to steer the damn thing threw a narrow corridor and later on in the game where I have to do that get out of the place before it blows up thing that HAS BEEN DONE TO DEATH AND CAN BE ANNOYING IF SOME BUGGER IS SCREAMING AT ME TO HURRY UP! On second thoughts knowing the CPUs Ai id be better off as the driver as he might just end up driving into a wall or worse still into a damn pitfall leaving my cursing his name as we plunge into the depths of the “Restart at last check point” message. Even worse than that is underwater/space bits so now we have a new axes to annoy us. No longer confined to over there and that way we now have up there and down there as well and to make things worse if you bump into things you get damage. Why can't they just give us the option of “Riding shotgun” and shooting stuff. Surely those that like these sections are those with short attention spans that like to see all those explosions and pretty colours.
Turrets in games can be annoyances as well.
Think of it like this. From moving round dodging bullets to being stuck on the spot moving a cursor round and holding fire and getting shot some new holes. Worse still is when its on a moving thing in some car chase in space thing or if it has some kind of “heat” gauge that likes to fill up very fast so you are left standing there behind a load of temporary useless metal and being used as a place to hold freshly used rounds/bullets. These are favoured by noobs until they get taken out by a sniper, throw a fit and rage quit.
Lastly for this weeks part (huh huh part) we have those sections where you are forced to do something in the way the game wants it. Half Life 2 part 2s last section springs to mind as one of these bits (look it up). Destroy these tripod things with sticky bombs that have a rubbish firing ark. Why not give me a ROCKET LUANCHAIR!! and enough ammo to take out every ant in the world twice (ok over kill alert) worse still is force fed sniper sections ok so for the most part this is now I like to kill things, from the distance and unseen, but slap on a time limit and limited ammo and “Shakey vision” and you got me getting pissed off at the gunner for being a prick. Wait that s me?
Ok then getting pissed over the annoying well trained marine that has shakey hands due to all those years of UZI abuse. A ADDITCION THAT MUST BE STOPPED!
Bit like these forced driving sections
Friday, 13 August 2010
FPS - Hell 1
So welcome to what will be a few weeks of posts about what I hate about a lot of these newer First Person Shooters. In the coming weeks there will be moans about each one of there little annoyance that make me question “Why am I playing this shit?”
This one is going to be about the backbone of them, the thing you see the most, the thing you like when you get more ammo for it, the thing that’s banned in this country. Yes its the guns.
Guns are great in games. As in games we can shoot big meaty guns with no kick back. Think about it if you fire one of these “Big guns” with out bracing your self the backfire will send you flying backwards (or break your shoulder in some cases). Ok Namco started a little something with there Time Crisis gun. It had kinda realistic backfire what with the whole chamber sliding back on every shoot. Then Sega did something a bit bigger with GunBlade them guns felt like you where holing a box of vibrators all set on full. Now days we have these little controllers that just shake a bit. More annoying than real, but if you are like me you probably turn it off anyway.
There is also the feel of them. I like a big meaty feel to them when I decide to shoot them. Like the feeling oh “Ouch that’s gotta hurt” GIVE THEM MEAT AND WE WILL probably be wondering “What is this meat firing gun?”. Actually that’s a good idea. A gun that fires out bits of meat. Wait that’s a stupid idea.
Now the design of guns is getting lazy. These newer games tend to make them fall into several types mainly-
Hand to hand – Fists/knifes.
Pistol/handgun – You tend to start with these pea shooters.
Sub machine gun/Uzi – Load of ammo wasted.
Shotgun – If you snipe with one of these your a big stupid doo doo head.
Rifle – Your long distance lover
Rocket launcher – Loads of area damage
Granted most people like to feel familiar with what they shoot, but when there’s loads of games out there that just use the same guns. This is annoying to someone like me as I like to use different things.
Here’s a little list my most memorable guns.
Cerebral Bore – Turok 2 – It drills into the heads of things its fired at and brain matter leaks out. Absolutely terrifying in multi player.
Electro Driver – Painkiller – It fires electricity and shurikens nuff said.
Painkiller – Painkiller – Both in your face and long distance in one. Spinning blades of death that can be fired out. Its alt firing is like Scorpions harpoon more.
BFG9000 – DOOM – This gun is like a tentacle monster in one of those Hentai films IT FUCKS EVERYTHING!
Nuclear rabbits – Shadow Warrior – See above, but add a tiny little bunny ears.
Freeze ray – Duke Nukem 3D – Dose exactly what it says on the tin.
Shrinker – Duke Nukem 3D – Shrink them then crush them.
Gravity gun – Half life 2 – Ok it isn’t really any good unless you add something to it.
Far sight – Perfect Dark – See threw walls? SHOOT THREW THEM!
Crossbow thingy – Strangers Wrath – Its all about the ammo and this guns ammo has personality.
Vuvuzella – Doom – Technically not a gun but great for annoying things to death.
Chainsaw luncher – My brain – Think about it for a minute
These are off the top of my head. If I did a bit of research for these things I could probably say a load more.
The old traps of the same weapon different game MUST BE STOPPED! As a matter of fact one of the things that made Halo good was its alien weapons.
TLDR
Rifles, pistols and uzis are boring try attaching things to them to make them funny.
This one is going to be about the backbone of them, the thing you see the most, the thing you like when you get more ammo for it, the thing that’s banned in this country. Yes its the guns.
Guns are great in games. As in games we can shoot big meaty guns with no kick back. Think about it if you fire one of these “Big guns” with out bracing your self the backfire will send you flying backwards (or break your shoulder in some cases). Ok Namco started a little something with there Time Crisis gun. It had kinda realistic backfire what with the whole chamber sliding back on every shoot. Then Sega did something a bit bigger with GunBlade them guns felt like you where holing a box of vibrators all set on full. Now days we have these little controllers that just shake a bit. More annoying than real, but if you are like me you probably turn it off anyway.
There is also the feel of them. I like a big meaty feel to them when I decide to shoot them. Like the feeling oh “Ouch that’s gotta hurt” GIVE THEM MEAT AND WE WILL probably be wondering “What is this meat firing gun?”. Actually that’s a good idea. A gun that fires out bits of meat. Wait that’s a stupid idea.
Now the design of guns is getting lazy. These newer games tend to make them fall into several types mainly-
Hand to hand – Fists/knifes.
Pistol/handgun – You tend to start with these pea shooters.
Sub machine gun/Uzi – Load of ammo wasted.
Shotgun – If you snipe with one of these your a big stupid doo doo head.
Rifle – Your long distance lover
Rocket launcher – Loads of area damage
Granted most people like to feel familiar with what they shoot, but when there’s loads of games out there that just use the same guns. This is annoying to someone like me as I like to use different things.
Here’s a little list my most memorable guns.
Cerebral Bore – Turok 2 – It drills into the heads of things its fired at and brain matter leaks out. Absolutely terrifying in multi player.
Electro Driver – Painkiller – It fires electricity and shurikens nuff said.
Painkiller – Painkiller – Both in your face and long distance in one. Spinning blades of death that can be fired out. Its alt firing is like Scorpions harpoon more.
BFG9000 – DOOM – This gun is like a tentacle monster in one of those Hentai films IT FUCKS EVERYTHING!
Nuclear rabbits – Shadow Warrior – See above, but add a tiny little bunny ears.
Freeze ray – Duke Nukem 3D – Dose exactly what it says on the tin.
Shrinker – Duke Nukem 3D – Shrink them then crush them.
Gravity gun – Half life 2 – Ok it isn’t really any good unless you add something to it.
Far sight – Perfect Dark – See threw walls? SHOOT THREW THEM!
Crossbow thingy – Strangers Wrath – Its all about the ammo and this guns ammo has personality.
Vuvuzella – Doom – Technically not a gun but great for annoying things to death.
Chainsaw luncher – My brain – Think about it for a minute
These are off the top of my head. If I did a bit of research for these things I could probably say a load more.
The old traps of the same weapon different game MUST BE STOPPED! As a matter of fact one of the things that made Halo good was its alien weapons.
TLDR
Rifles, pistols and uzis are boring try attaching things to them to make them funny.
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