Friday, 30 April 2010

Console arseytechture the number after one

Right its time to “Get my moan on” and in continuing with the last one I will be moaning about.
The shape of consoles.
I did say there where going to be pictures THAT WAS A LIE!!! (Kinda)
Ok in the past a video games console looked like one, it has a massive hole for where the cart went in, it had pad ports and it (mostly) looked good, but the past few consoles I don't know what's going on with.
I will start with what I think was the first one to cock up the idea of what it looks like.
The PS2
Granted there isn't much you can do with adding a disc drive to something. Look at the Atari Jaguar's CD add on. Ok ok I wont say what it looks like as you can tell by the shite the was put on it. The PS2 on the other hand looks like some kind of art deco thing. It has a ledge sticking out on top that makes it look like its the wrong way up, it has ridges on the top half that I suppose where put on it to make it look like it takes up less space, then theres that massive expansion port on the back that was used for sod all for us UK types. (I am aware that modders use it for a harddrive to store games on).
There was also the logo on the disc drive that could be turned round that was a nice touch, but how many people knew about it?
The PS3
Don't own one, but it looks like some one melted parts of the PS2 to make them rounded then covered up the pad ports.
Then came there “Slim” ones the where just that slimmer versions of the bigger consoles, with a external power thingy and less soul.
Then there was the GameCube.
What where Nintendo on? A HANDLE ON THE BACK!!? Ok it still looks like a console, but WHY A HANDLE!!? Granted the damn thing is like a brick and wont break easily.
Perhaps thats what the handle is for.....wait....Maybe...................YES!
Coming at the next event “Gamecube hurling”
Now to there next one the not named after body waste.
The Wii.
Great its small, compact, with a load of hidden ports asking for you to plug things into them like its some kind of sexual act so it looks like some kind of cyborg tentacle monster from the future. I will say this I like its design, but with one problem. THE FLAPS!!! Shitty little plastic hinges that covers up the top side ports.
Now on to the Xbox
First one was a monster, a massive monster some thing that feels like Microsoft put several bricks inside it, it would make a great paper weight, but still looked like a console.
360 same as, but wait!
If somebody broke into your house you could club them to death with it.
Theres also the Harddrive, why is it on the out side?
In closing I do know that they are trying to make consoles look like they are part of all these set top boxes, but I long for a time when consoles looked like they where made outa wood.
The Atari VCS was a thing of beauty. The Intellivison was nice looking (even if the controllers where a pille-o-shite).
I do realise that I seem to be targeting the last few consoles, but with the amount of consoles there have been in the past it would take ages to list them all so I will show you this and say BRB need to poop.

Next weeks is going to be written soon and posted on the usual day.
I do have another in writing, but its not games based.

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