Friday, 24 September 2010

Farce training

Ok so get this. I have been watching a lot of TV on Youtube. 4OD seem to have a lot of great old TV programs (and a load of shite) so in the past week I have watched a few series from my childhood (Ok I was not the target audience) and in them there are adverts, lots of adverts and they are often repeated. Ok so they have to pay the bills somehow and some are kinda funny. ONCE!, but im not going to moan about them I am going to focus on one thing that was advertised in them. No not the new Fifa. It is a Dsi game. No its not one you think its this.

What the fug? A game that trains you face? Why?
What kind of mindless drones buy this shite? Well ill tell you. Its those “Norms” that got there DS for that “Brain Training” game. Why would you want to train your face unless you are that shallow in which case you will probably use all those creams and crap you find in most girls bathrooms. What’s the point of it? It just seems to be another one of those things that I would feel sorry to call “A game”, but think of it like this. Those “Norms” probably will buy it over something that can be called “A game” Heck it even comes with a stand to put it on. What about those with a massive face? Will they have sit sit away from it so they cant read the text on screen? They could at least try to make it into a game, but id have no idea how a high score board on it will work? Will it time how long you can hold a face breaking smile?
I mean look at Brain training. It at least had some kind of interactivity on it. This thing all you do is put it down and look at it. If I wanted to look at a DS screen Id put a video on it. If I wanted to practice my smile id watch some thing funny.
Sod this spamware shite

Heres one thing you can do when you see it
1- Look confused
2- Shake head
3- FacePalm

Coming soon
"How to train your hands to play games"

Friday, 17 September 2010

Wow the move sells well

Mean while at the ques for PS3s move

FPS Hell 4

Ok there has been a lack of content on here of late. I was going to make up some fancy arsed excuse, but that would be my equivalent of “The dog ate it”. Damn them internet dogs. There a load of woofters and there barking up the wrong tree, ok that’s enough of the doggy puns. The bottom line is “I couldn't be arsed” and that’s the bottom line cause I say so. Also did you read the tweet from last Friday?
To quote Michael Cole (WWE) “and I quote”
I dont think I shld of listend 2 Auralmoon ths close 2 writing ths weeks moan i'm 2 RELAXED!!! FUNK YEAH PROG ROCK!!
(don't worry not all are like that)
I need to be aggressive to do these things you know. Also a lot of tea helps and I was running low on LANCASHIRE TEA bags (there’s a plug). Ill work on a video on how to moan when I can be arsed. Anyway that’s enough of that on to this weeks moan. I had a few ideas for this weeks (the spice will flow), but instead I am going to be finishing off my “FPS Hell” one. There might be more at later dates, but ill keep them as a suprise.
So lastly this one is going to be about the universal debate about them and that is “What is the better control scheme?”
What am I talking about? Well here it is.
- PC users say “Mouse and keyboard” and for slower paced games (Portal, Deus EX) I tend to agree, but my set up is a bit different as my PC is not tied to a desk (its on a tea trolley)and I use a trackball (its bloody great for internets). I don't use wireless parts as for some bloody reason they refuse to work in this flat. On the PC front I did do a strange configuration for some of my games that was “Half pad half keyboard” I used this on Portal and the pad (360) replaced the mouse and felt quite good. Sadly not all games have the “edit control’s” option that goes as deep as that. It was great thought.
- Console users say “Duel analogue sticks” is the best. This is great for fast paced games. Think of us poor sods that remember playing on NON ANALOG PADS! Yeah us that played Doom on the SNES and Zero Tolerance on the Mega Drive did so with out them. This was ok thought as one of the things I like to say is “A game is best made when its made to suit the controller” and these did. Ok so these games didn’t really make full use of looking up and down (ZT did let you look up. Don't know why as there was nothing up there) and weapon cycling can be a pain (there was one that let you bind a weapon to a button cant remember its name). So yes for some games this works better, wait for almost all games this works well, but let me throw you a “Curve ball” (baseball turm I have picked up on even if I do think its a tarted up “Rounders”) and say this.
- N64 pad. Oh yes the N64 had loads of shooters. It was the 360 of two gens ago, but then the FPS games where at least “Decent” and it had Turok 2, Perfect Dark and Forsaken ( the PSOne had that one as well, but the N64 on is better). This controller pattern kinda copy’s the keyboard way. This is great till your analogue stick becomes “loose” then you are nackerd.
- Wiimote/Move YOU SIR ARE A IDIOT! That’s all that can be said to them
I think the pad/keyboard and mouse one is best put into practice with official top game “Deus EX” (if you haven’t played it you don't have a opinion on FPS'. Ot bad I didn't write this a few months back as it was on “Steam” for three quid and you got the sequel that isn't as good, but still better than most FPS games). It is out on PS2 and PC annnnnnnd I wont do that comparison thing on here I will save it for my main site as there are a lot of changes to the PS2 version. The second one feels a lot more console friendly.
There is no true winner in the control’s argument as its down to the game that your playing with them and how well it has been changed for the console. If you need to go into different menus quite fast the PC way is best, where as its a bollocks to it shoot everything orgy of death with things flying at you I will say pad.

Hmm how to shorten this? Control’s depend on the user and game. There is no winner.

One last thing to be said.
Do gun games (House of the dead/Virtua Cop/Ghost squad)c ount as First person shooters? As you are seeing them as if you are looking threw the eyes of the player. Ok I will settle for “On rails FPS” but they can be fun.

Friday, 3 September 2010

mini moan 1

Mini moan time. The FPS one will continue next week.
Gaming events are nice, but expensive and socail.
Enjoy your online gaming