Friday, 10 June 2011

E3 in closing

Ok heres a over all closing thoughts on E3 type thing.

the conference winner by a clear mile was Nintendo.

Just for the opening more than anything and GAMES FOR THE 3DS!! Ok not so on the Wii, the WiiU just looks like the off spring from the bottom half of the 3DS and a 360 pad that snacked way to much.

Ok heres the list of games with a load edited out that I don’t give a toss about and that I really couldn’t think of anything funny or new to say about them and I don’t think people

would seriously read threw 4 pages of my rantings.

Duke Nukem Forever - Its been at nearly every E3 in the past 12 years, be it word of mouth or actual game in play footage.
The Darkness II - Yes they are back, but can they still kick it?
Wrecked: Revenge Revisited – How do you revisit revenge? Unless your revenge failed.
Skylanders Spyro's Adventure – Gay dragon prances about in a gay landscape looking a bit gay
Ben 10: Galactic Racing – Tenison Kart

Serious Sam 3: BFE – Behold a FPS game series done how its supposed to be. Move and shoot.
Cars 2 – talking cars the cash in 2, Think Thomas the tank engine with out the soul
Disney Universe – Only good if I get to play with Ariel in a slippery kind of dirty sex act type mini game of trying to find the hole LEGO Pirates of the Caribbean: The Video Game – anyone else think these Lego games are just getting silly now?
Star Trek: Infinite Space – Bizarrely I grew out of Star trek. Ok thats a lie I just matured and started to watch Babylon 5.

Camping Mama: Outdoor Adventures – Hunt it, kill it, cook it, eat it. How to destroy your child’s childhood in one game. Ok maybe not
Hulk Hogan's Main Event – Over rated wrestler gets his own game.
Pet Zombies in 3D (3DS) – Ok this one has got my interest, could be a fucking good laugth. Like Nintendogs but with more brains

Fable: The Journey – Or Fable Peter cashes in

Minecraft – Herd its not going to be the same, or even a proper Minecraft game, shame

WWE '12 – So they have finally gone down the EA method of naming? They have been on the EA type release seclude for the past few years.

Over all it was a bit rubbish this year, with loads of games that might as well go right in the bargain bin.

Its no wonder I never get invited to these things

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

E3 2011 - The Nintendo saga

Here we go.

The final round. Nintendo time, last year they where the bes and im thinking this year will be the same as the others are a bit “Urgh”

WOW! What a start. A FUCKIN ORCASTRA PLAYING ZELDA SONGS! Its like a live gig with sound effects and a few cock ups. Its annoying to my ears to have two people speaking at once.

Zelda Links awakening, Hmm a download of something. How about something new?

Zelda OoT 3D, hard to get excited about it. As im sick of it

Zwlda four swords, On Dsi? FOR FREE! BLOODY GREAT! Didn’t mention that its online thought.

Zelda Skyward sword, A gold coloured Wiimote? Not interested. Show us some new footage

Zelda Symphony concert, You can expect to buy your tickets on Ebay in a few months for a bloody high price.

Zelda CDs, .

Great start. Fizzling out into taking about “Stuff” and the new platform. Nothing else about it yet.

Ok spoke to soon

Mario Kart 3D, What’s to say? Its Mario Kart. Not to sure how these flying/underwater bits will fair up, still car moding might be fun.

Star Fox 3D, Hmmm turning and tilting the system might be problematic, as gamers we have spent years not moving our arms around while playing. Still its a optional control method

Super Mario 3D, WOW a fixed camera. Looks good I guess, but I don’t really like Marios platformers, but this one kinda reminds me of Bug for some reason.

Kid Icarus uprising. Should have been a launch game if you ask me. Still it looks a bit Space Harriery. Could be good. Dunno lol. The multi player side of things seems interesting.

Luigis Mansion 2, HA! They finally made a sequel. Never really played the first one.

The next lot was like those data blasts so didn’t see much of them so here’s a short summary.

Resident evil missionary, looks decent

Mario and Sonic, Urgh not again, more button bashing.

Tetirs, Well it wouldn’t be a console without it

Cave story 3D, not played the 2D one yet

Resident evil Revelations, Just bring them out damn it

Driver Renegade, Urgh looked like a late N64 game

Namco shit, Pacman etc etc, boring. Stuff that has been done before.

Tekken 3D, im not a fan

MGS Snake eater, same stuff shown as last year

Virtual Console 3DS, Gameboy and Gameboy colour and there updating the old classics in 3D

Pokemon, well Pokedex 3D. Not a proper Pokemon game thouht is it?

Wii U, Wait? Thats the name of the new one? The controller? WHAT THE FARGING SHNIT IS THAT? Its like a hand held. Oh wait. Its just a controller. Im expecting a troll face any second. What about battery life on it? That’s the most important thing. Looks like the bottom half of a 3DS (with a extra stick), im looking for that vid hey showed of a parrot making the Mario noise. Cant bloody find it.

So it is a new console? The games for it one sounds like Pac-man vs

So there you have it. A new controller. We want console, they give us a controller.

Lego City story’s. Hur hur GTA Lego. Wait thats a good thing, maybe, dunno lol.

Wow there also getting a few mutli platform games on it. Urgh

Darksiders 2, Port

Dirt, another port

Aliens marines, Port

Ghost reckon, port AGAIN!

Metro something. Dunno lol not herd of it

Tekken, hur hur customisation

Nina Gaiden 3, what lol?


A EA bloke, Talking about THE Same STUFF AS YESTERDAY!!


This years E3 was the remake year for Nintendo, the new Kirby game wasn’t shown. Still some more 3DS games are needed, but at the end of the day, they are taking there time with them.



E3 2011 The Sony Saga

elcome to Sony's part. I just hope that this one is going to be decent as the last few have been soul destroying. PLEASE BE INTERESTING!

PSN, Talk. I think the world is sick of this saga now.

Uncharted 3, This looks decent, but probable a bit to much linear. Probably more of a movie than a game. It looks like you don’t have much control over the MC, Hur hur teaming up with a overpriced sandwich shop to promote a game.

Resistance 3, Another FPS, looks good, but Im sick of them as they are all looking the same.

Commitment to 3D. Oh dear.

And more rehearses, but of recent games all IN 3D!! FUCK 3D! Seriously. There forcing it on us.

NBA on the move, Again looks great, but I prefer NBA Jam, ITS FUN!. Arse to realistic games.

Medieval Moves, Wait wasn’t this announced last year?. Ill pass.

Infamous 2. Looks exciting, but never played the first so I wont pas judgement.

Starhawk, 3rd person shooter. Ok im going to say it. STOP WITH THE FMV! Its just good to look at and that’s it.

Sly Cooper, Well at least it don’t have guns and solders in it. No game in play just MORE FMV!

Dust, Back to the FPS. THIS IS REALLY STARTING TO ANNOY ME! MAKE SOMETHING different AND STOP FARTING OUT FPS GAMES! I seriously hope the FPS market crashes and they stop making them.

Bioshock infinity, On the other hand, Bioshock is a series that looks very different and looky game in play.

Star Trek, a movie tie-in? Show me the game. Show me the game.

Parping on about EA, Great. I don’t care, EA had there own earlier.

Playstation vita, Come on stop dragging it out. It sounds to close to Vista for my liking, so will it be as rubbish as Vista. Nice specs. Tell us the battery life and the price.

Uncharted Vita, Looks gorgeous for a handheld game, but more of the same to me.

Ruined,Looks like a modern Gauntlet interesting

Modnation racers, Another make your own stuff game, ranted its a good idea, but it seems there getting lazy. After all it looks to much like a Mario Kart clone

Street fighter x Tekken, A cross over that’s not needed. Hur PS excursive character. Its that bloke from Infamous Already there’s a game that’s not suited for the Vita. I like how there avoiding the Pound sterling price, ready for us to get shafted by it.


They have calmed down with the Move and moved on to the Vita, it seems interesting at least, they just need to stop with the FMV and no in game footage.


Monday, 6 June 2011

E3 2011 The ubisoft saga

Well its time for the Ubisoft part of E3. Instead of groaning I will sigh

Rayman, This is said a lot about this one but it does look gorgeous. Say what you like about 3D games, but this one beats them all hands down. Just hope it plays as good as it looks.

The talker seems to have the crowd dead. No applause, no laughter at his jokes

Driver San Francisco, The crowd are still dead with none excitement. How about showing some game in play footage?

Farcry 3, Sigh. All these FPS that are trying to be real are making me sick.

Brothers in arms furious 4, Sigh more playing solider, at least it isn’t taking its self to seriously.

Tin tin, Sigh a movie game. Looks like its trying to be a bit like Flashback, for kids. Ill pass

Ghost Reckon, Again. I think I prefer there classic looking game.

Trackmaina Canyon, Ha the start of this one was funny. Sounded like there mikes where off. Seems interested. I was playing Track Miana a few months back and didn’t really touch the building side of it.

Raving rabbits, Behold a crowd that are not doing anything, I think people are now sick of it. This type of shite was rubbish on the Eyetoy. Now its on Kinect. A load of grown men playing a game like this.

Just dance 3, Sigh. Wow the crowd must be asleep and who can blame them.

Rock Smith, Sigh. A bit late to the party huh Ubi

Your shape, Sigh. Well its slightly rounded. Again a dead crowd and a fast forward from me

Assassins Creed Revelations, Finally life from the crowd, not much but there is some


Congrats that have out crapped Mircosoft with the amount of shite. The presenter was a bit stupid. The “Retro imagining” of games was interesting, if a little off (Commodore 64 games do not look like that).



E3 2011 - the EA Sage

Well its EA time and considering that the Microsoft one nearly worn out my grown gland I will be replacing grown's with birds. Increase your ornithology knowledge with me and EA

Mass Effect 3. Again?

Ea keeping it simple. Well I do say that most there own games are for simple people.

Need for speed the run. Well this is a surprise. A EA game that has been coming out every year for the t few years. Why would fans of a driving game want something thats on foot? Thats like having a fighting game that turns into a FPS. Wow Qtes in a racing game. Well DERPED EA. Also a plot in a racing game? What the fug?

Star Wars old republic. Wood warbler, is pleasing to the eye with its green colour. Come one. Two Star wars games? Mr Lucas must want a new diamond encrusted owl statue. Glad im not a fan as it would cost a fortune to keep up with the games.

SSX. REALLY! Another new game that shares the name with the original? What is it with games this year? They all seem to be coming out next year.

Fifa 12, Blue tailed bee-eater, is another one that is pleasing to the eye its tail is blue in colour apart from the tip. This isn’t news. This isn’t even E3 worthy as we know its coming out. People talking about Fifa and saying that it helps them play football? WOW! What where they smoking? Storys in a football game? Talk about things that aren't needed.

Madden 12. To us in the UK most of us don’t give a rats arse about it, buyt we have Fifa they have this. Three plays come out. Nope I don’t know any of them.

The Sims social, For those with no life. The Sims on Facebook. Bollocks to it.

The Reckoning, Not interested. Its another fantasy RPG

Overstrike, Show me some in game footage then ill say my interest level

Battlefeild 3, Golden pheasant, is the type of bird that wouldn’t look out of place in a gay parade. More playing solider crap. Overly long section where the game is played, time to check my email. Oh looky the In da 80s site is live. One good thing is there online services is going to BE FREE!! Good on them.

Well that’s your lot.

Overall. Hmm its a “Nothing to see here move along now” type situation.


Ok I didn't use that many birds

Moaning about E3 - Microsoft

Welcome to Moaning sod does E3 same thing as last year, but with more editing and trying to keep it to one page.

A few things where already leaked (Halo sodding 4 and the remake) and a lot of it is crap. Will the conference prove not to be?

COD 11. Lulz errors. Great to have a bit of humour to break the ice. Like farting at a interview (Hold it in doods) Its very underwater. Looks impressive, but then so did FMV games in the 90s. I’m trying not to think how all that water might mess up his gun. Lots of set peace’s, looks impressive, but it just looks like ANOTHER SOILDER BOY GAME! Its a COD, urgh its becoming like Fifa EVERY YEAR! To bad this is streamed live as I would be skipping this.

Tomb Raider. Urgh interest levels are almost flat lining. Lots of running and QTEs. Thanks Sega for making them popular. At least there’s some in game footage.

Oh dear EA sports guy. Im going to play a game as this is just sending me to sleep. Kinect and EA sports games, double the arse. None of the pleasure.

EA are only good as a publisher. Not a developer and now...

Mass Effect 3, with Kinect functions. FINALLY something that at least seems interesting. WOW the first game to make a decent use of the Kinect a side from waving your arms in the air like you just don’t care.

Ghost recon. URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! Another game about playing solider!

Its not often I say this but”For fucks sake” piss off with these playing solider games. “Make your own guns using Kinect” expect loads of the same guns online.

Kinect crap Oh wow. Voice commanded console. Not interested in the slightest. These things are very hit and miss as there’s these things called “Accents” that get in the way.

Watching live TV on your Xbox. Is it me or is that a bit backwards? YOUR USING A TV! Very backwards. The UFC thing seems interesting, but its only or people that are nerdy about it.

Gears of War 3, the only good ting I can find about it is the tune there using on the adverts. Wasn’t this shown last year as well? Playing it with someone called “Ice-Tea” his parents must have been retarded (sarcasm). Ohhhhh he’s done a little song for it. Odds on it will be crap.

Ryse a game where you do the moves and the game follows it. Yawn

Halo arrrrgh skip! Where’s the damn skip button? Oh wait! ITS LIVE! A remake of Halo. Well unlike Konamis recent one this is one OF THE FIRST GAME!

Forza 4. Urgh bloody horrible song with samples of Ozzy Ozzborne covering another song. Its a “realistic” driving game so balls to it.

Fable the journey. Fable started out as a massive game, something that was unique. Now there farting them out a hell of a lot. WITH ADDED KINECT! Bollocks to it.

MINECRAFT!! WITH KINECT!! finally something of interest on it that looks like a game (of the 80s). Typical nothing was shown and yet we get ages of the other not intersting crap

Disney land adventures. HA HA HA! On Kinect. Now you dont have to take them. Not! Call me weird, but I don’t want to see some nine year old's arse flying in front of me. Good job this game inst for me

Kinect Star Wars, hur hur hur hur hur. Behold shite that’s better done on a pad. Nice visible delay from what your doing and what hes doing. Its to active for most Star wars fans and from that we go to......


More Kinect crap. Wow it can make a avatar that looks kinda like you. I don’t want it. I want mine to look nothing like me. Its fun like that.

Saying top selling Kinect game is like saying “Best selling game on” they are all crap, Ill say it again. Minecraft nothing, shitty sports game packs lots.

Dance central 2. Urgh.

Halo 4. Urgh

Over all

This was a epic shit fest. But shit with sprinkles in it, You have to dig threw the shit to find it.

What happened to Steel Batalion? Where are the 360 games that use the pad?


Friday, 3 June 2011

E3 - Konami saga

Well its that time of year again. Not not Zombie Jesus day or Lemmys birthday.

Its E3 time and like last year I will be complaining about it.

So get ready for a load of words about what I think about the carp (ok and good stuff). What? Well if you don’t like it DONT READ IT! I have followed that method for years when it comes to tabloid news papers.

Ok so on to E3.

This will be done in a post for each company.

First up Konami.

Last years was bloody funny and painful, but this years?

Well I didn’t do a live blogging thing so here’s a quick summary.

Remake, Remake, Remake, Sequel, Remake, NEW GAME!, Remake, Remake and a big C.

Yeah there going down the remake path and what gets me is THERE NOT THAT OLD! Metal Gear solid 2/3 and Silent hill 2/3. Zone of Enders, Come on there PS2 games. There PS2 games that aren’t that hard to get hold of. Ok maybe not Zone of enders 2.

What do they have against remaking the first games? they look a bit arse these days and could do with a make over.

Still a new Silent hill game is coming out. It seems to be all they know how to make.

What about some of there older games? I cant be the only one that wants a new Goeman game or at least a remake of them.

What of that “NEW GAME!” I mentioned. Never dead. Its unusual for me to give a toss about a FPS, but this one looks different. The main character is immortal, he can rip off his own limbs and use them as weapons. Its not like this has been done before, but its a Japanese developer. Making a FPS, THEY HATE THEM!

the new Slient hill film was mentioned

There was also some game save sharing thing from PS3 to PSP, a interesting idea, but it only works on Metal gear solid so far and I have lost interest in that series as its the same same every time (even becoming the same story with different people).

Still the thing whole thing was at least funny, funny as it was meant to be.

The big C at the end is a bit of a obvious hint as to what’s to come, A new contra? A Contra remake. Ill wait to see.


Remakes, Remakes everywhere. Not a new idea among them

Im going to try and keep them to a page a peace