Sunday, 4 December 2011

Things I hate about a game I like Zelda Skyward sword

Well heres something I said id do, but I have been busy playing games (for a change) so last weeks moan was kinda missing (its on my phone, but its annoying to retype things. So instead heres another one on waiting.

He waits thats what he does.

Ok I wont instead heres a things I hate about a game I like and in keeping with this being a moan and I said id do this one it is for recent game

Zelda Skyward Sword

Yes you have probably read loads of reviews about it and why its so damn good, but im going to say what I found is bad about it.

Because I can.

So if you don’t like click the red X now for the rest of you that want to know little flaws about it read on.

I will say that this game is bloody good. Really really good, but there are flaws, annoyances and here they are.

Heres the main one

  • Its to easy – From bosses to puzzles to the game its self I rarely felt challenged and any challenge was due to the control’s them selfs rather than what was in front of me and speaking of the control’s.
  • The err control’s – Granted this is a Wii game so it had to use them and it was a good idea, but there is times when the Wiimote had to be centred this was a lot of the time. Thankfully this was a case of pressing down on the D-Pad. So maybe Nintendo knew about this possible problem? Some times the game didn’t do the sword slash in the direction I told it to. On some bits this is annoying. Doing the Skyward strike (hold the Wiimote in a vertical position) is a pain as the Wiimote kept thinking I just wanted the sword help up.
  • Flying – Ok the bird goes where you want it to. Unless its up then it slows down. Flying is boring as nothing really happens in the sky’s. Just the odd tornado. At least in Wind waker the seas had things.

  • Swimming – If you haven’t done the swimming bit you will and you will hate it

  • Fi – Shes like a less vocal Navi. Three hearts “ding ding” “You are running out of hearts master” and giving not very good advice.

  • Z-targeting – You have to hold the button down and the problem with that is its not a nice button to hold down for a long time. In other post Ocarina of time Zeldas you could have it as a toggle. Also you cant use it to target with ranged weapons.
  • Crafting – Pointless on some items, annoying to have to upgrade things you need to be big.
  • Not all connected - Come on guys in the other games everything was one big open world that you could travel between. Ok its in the sky and you fly down the holes to get to them, but what if we just want to go by land? Nope you cant. These makes everything feel like separate sections and its a bit tedious to have to go to the sky and fly a bit to get to them.
  • Three areas – Come on three areas? (Forest, desert, volcano). Ok they are big, but three of them?
  • No exploring – As I said you fly to these bits there’s a few islands most are lumps of rock, past Zelda games have load loads of exploration this one don’t.
  • The harp - Oh wow, wave the Wiimote left and right to play. AT LEAST IF IT WAS A COWBELL IT would have been MORE INTERACTIVE!!
  • People that say “Its not very original” - Yeah its a sequel, they tend to be samy if not people will complain, but this at least it trys NEW THINGS!
  • People that complain about the graphics – Really? Its on the bloody Wii
  • The imprisoned boss – The most copy paste boss it gets annoying when it gets a power up, but thankfully somebody else helps out later on
  • Zeldas nose – Cant help but think that its a massive honker.

Ok these are the faults, but it is a damn good game. Its a Nintendo made Zelda game and they are usually good and this is no exception to this rule. Its just a few small things annoy me about it.

Just buy the damn game and enjoy it as its good.

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

BBC = Bloody Bullshite Cancellations

Well here's another none game based moan, but again it can be linked with games in several ways first one to mind is that a few games get canned as well.

According to recent news thingys the BBC has cancelled all new Shooting Stares episodes.
I read it first off Bob Mortimer
Oh yes.
BBC have decided to not make another series of the classy Shooting stars. Granted its one of those “Its not as good as it was” series, but it was still good. It was still funny. It was still better than most the shite the BBC puts out.
I mean look at what one.
Its ok I can wait.

Bet there’s none of it of interest. This is normal.
BBC1 has not been on in months in my flat and all that 3 is good for is repeats BBC 2 still has some watch-able programming on for about 4 hours a week. BBC 3 on the other hand seems to be nothing but “Who gives a fuck” programming. With such delights as the grammatically incorrect “Lee Nelsons Well good show” Is that name meant to be ironic? There is nothing good about it. Its just programming for chavs. The rest is reality TV (very rarely entertaining) and Family guy/American Dad repeats. BBC 4 on the other hand.
Well they where going to make it go off air for good, but that was stopped thanks to a petition. Why? Well its a channel that has a lot of good stuff on. Ok there’s a fair bit of crap on there, but it has some good documentary’s and it was the start for Qi

But why are they doing this?
Well its part of there cost cutting measures and the first thing to go are “Panel comedy shows”
BALLOCKS TO THAT!! They are the only things that are funny. After the flop that was Mrs Browns boys (gave me a headache is was so not funny) and Coming of age, more unfunny crap other than that you are screwed
Ok there is Not going out that was kinda funny (Hint to BBC the word comedy means funny).

Also herd that there’s going to be more repeats.
Oh fucking goody
It seems all I am paying my TV license for is !I, Have I got news for you, Never mind the buzzcocks, Dr Who, Radcliffe and Maconie and errr
Yeah I don’t know
It seems people like me are paying to not watch anything good.
I just hope my part isn’t being spent on that program with people fannying about in posh cloths.

Truth be said its not about the whole panel show thing. Its about the comedy. Them two have been responsible for many a tear of laughter running down my cheek.
Lets see Lee Nelson do that.

There comedy programming has gone down hill since the Office so fuck you Gerevas
Still had to get that off my chest

And don't get me started on there lack of respect for Sky at night.

Sunday, 13 November 2011

Viral advertising

Well if you probably haven’t seen there’s a new game out.

Same as more or less every week and there is one thing that annoys me a bit about them.

Its not he game its self if it don’t take my interest I just ignore it. Its some thing else. Its something that people say sells games.

Its the advertising.(no more “Its” starting a sentence now) Cast your gaze towards Kotaku of late and your eyes will be insulted by a game called Skyrim (random gifs of what I think is the main character doing the normal macho yelling in a rather generic 300 way) , a game that few will of noticed or even given a toss about if it wasn’t advertised all over the bloody site. Seriously its like the site is saying “OMG YOU MUST BUY THIS GAME” “SELL YOUR KIDNEYS IF YOU DONT HAVE THE CASH, YOU MUST HAVE IT! ITS GOING TO BE THE BEST GAME EVER” (I lied)

For a better visual representation for those reading this in the near future when the game is in all the bargain bins and people stopped giving a toss for the new flavour of the month, picture that bit in Back to the Future part 2 when Marty goes into that “80s restaurant” and he gets that screen telling him “YOU MUST TRY THE DEEP FRYED SPECAIL” (Or something) only for him to order a Pepsi. That’s kinda what it feels like to see loads of adds forced upon me.

I’m glad I don’t really watch TV. As I hate to have adds flung at me. (at least there’s no radio adds for it).

The thing is now it seems to be having a opposite effect.

Games that are over advertised to the point of becoming like having them tattooed on my eyes by the advertisers become ones that I hate and stuff that I wont buy. (think coca Cola and McDonalds, but they are also a question of taste). So im kinda glad that Zelda 2011s only really advertised in mags. On one page.

But then the Zelda name is advertising its self.

Its advertising that what lies inside its box is not going to be shite. (pushing the CD-I ones off a cliff into a pit of Ravenous Bugblatter beats from Traal.

Along with the CD-I as it was arse.

Really it was arse.

Not even a pleasant arse like one of Kyle its one of the afore mentioned beast.

After a bad curry.

Anyway CD-I hate ends here as there fans of it that will rage (still comments below are welcome)

Thanks for reading.

Monday, 7 November 2011

Sonic generations problems

Ok so I played Sonic Generations at Replay and it was good.

Very good.
Really I spent a few hours on it.
It really feels like Sega read the guidelines I did in my "Perfect Sonic game" moan I wrote all that time ago, but there's is a few things that bugged me about it. These are off the top of my head.

  • Why is it one act each and not two acts and a boss each?
Come on its not like its would be hard to do it. Ok having the same boss in 3D and 2D would prove a bit challenging, but at least give us the classic "swinging ball" boss from Green hill zone (with a few new tricks). The levels are longer than normal .(It dont take 60 secounds to do the first), but come on Sonic games have 2/3 acts (Ok not all, but most) and they are big with a few different routes threw them, but then so did Sonic 3. Speaking of. Where was a Sonic 3 level? (Sonic 3 and Knuckles don't count). How about next time having some levels from none main series Sonics?
  • Why cant I just go from one stage to another with out all that level select stuff?
Come on how many people want this? The feeling of going from level to level with out all the damn level select thing.
  • Why so few levels?
9 levels? Ok so they got most the famous ones, but come on less isnt more more is more and people like me like more.
  • Not down and jump for spindash
Really? They had to add a extra control for Classic Sonic?
  • Hints
"When you get hit you lose rings" Really? Do we need info like this? A game targeted at Sonic fans and your giving out hints like that? Or is it a pisstake.

There is probably more, but as I said these are off the top of my head and the game did trigger a sense of nostalgia while I played it and was bloody good. Its just the moaning side of me hated these problems

Thursday, 3 November 2011

Inadequately sized spuds

Ok this is a none games based one so bare with it. Its still a moaning sod post, its just not about games. Ok maybe it is as there’s a mode in a Tetris game called “Hot potato” So there you have it, it is kinda linked even if it isn’t about a game there’s a mode in a game named after it.

So yeah

Spuds, potato’s call them what you will, but there’s something that narks me off about them, its not them per say its when they are classed as “Jacket potato’s” They seem to put that label on any sized ones EVEN BABY ONES! There should be a size guide for the ideal sized spud for baking, but to me its the size of my palm or bigger, really. I would say “Big shows” palm, but that would be a big spud. A bit to big.

Size matters when it comes to jacket spuds. Small ones seem pointless to bake and are probably best for Sunday dinner not for baking. It feels like a waste of time baking small ones.

Ok its not like they are hard to cook. Just put them in the oven on high for about a hour. Only hard bit is deciding what to put with them. (tuna and a salad works great)

What’s the point of baking small ones anyway? At the end of the hour or so you are left with a bite sized morsel that don’t seem to be worth the hassle or bother.

So then why the bloody hell do supermarkets put four small ones in a pack and call them “Baking potato’s”? All they are doing is wasting time.

What brought this up? Well I got four massive ones from Aldi for 59p and months ago I got a big bag of them (as off a farm) for a quid. (Lets just say after I ate them all I needed a break from potatoy things for a while, but seeing cheap big ones (easy now).

So another thing that annoys me is the ways that people cook them

Micro waving them is just wrong, so damn wrong the clue is in the name “Baked potato” not “Nuked spuds”. Cooking them is violent and lazy

Violent - stab the spud several sodding times with a fork, if you don’t do this the middle wont be cooked.

Lazy – Put oven on full and chuck the smegging thing in there and check on it in a hour.

For more lazynes buy a bag of grated cheese and have cold beans on it. You do that and you are lazy.

They ain’t no fast food, but they are good food. Now bugger off and go eat some.

After buying some

Some decent sized ones

And a topping of your choice

But not mashed potato

As that’s just silly

Thursday, 1 September 2011

Dont look forward to it

Again its been some time (damn good mood), but there has been something that has annoyed me recently, well not just recently its something that’s on going. Its that feeling of disappointment.

You know the one.

The one that comes into your mind when you play something you have waited ages for, for it to be a little lacking. As gamers we must all of felt it at one point.

Yes this is brought on by my experience with Dues EX Human revolution.

Behold something that I was looking forward to (first game rented in a long time) that ended up being a bit “urgh”. Maybe its because I hold the Dues EX name in high regraded as a holy relic type game and I wont have anything bad said about it, but this game changed it.

Ok in the past there have been others (Red Ninja, NiGHTS Wii, Gears of war, Final Fantasy 7) that I have really looked forward to, but yet again I was left as unfulfilled as a fat kid in a fruit shop

So I think its time for us all to stop looking forward to any games and think there going to be “shite, but lets see how bad they are” so we can be pleasantly surprised if they turn out great.

Its probably for the better anyway.

Friday, 10 June 2011

E3 in closing

Ok heres a over all closing thoughts on E3 type thing.

the conference winner by a clear mile was Nintendo.

Just for the opening more than anything and GAMES FOR THE 3DS!! Ok not so on the Wii, the WiiU just looks like the off spring from the bottom half of the 3DS and a 360 pad that snacked way to much.

Ok heres the list of games with a load edited out that I don’t give a toss about and that I really couldn’t think of anything funny or new to say about them and I don’t think people

would seriously read threw 4 pages of my rantings.

Duke Nukem Forever - Its been at nearly every E3 in the past 12 years, be it word of mouth or actual game in play footage.
The Darkness II - Yes they are back, but can they still kick it?
Wrecked: Revenge Revisited – How do you revisit revenge? Unless your revenge failed.
Skylanders Spyro's Adventure – Gay dragon prances about in a gay landscape looking a bit gay
Ben 10: Galactic Racing – Tenison Kart

Serious Sam 3: BFE – Behold a FPS game series done how its supposed to be. Move and shoot.
Cars 2 – talking cars the cash in 2, Think Thomas the tank engine with out the soul
Disney Universe – Only good if I get to play with Ariel in a slippery kind of dirty sex act type mini game of trying to find the hole LEGO Pirates of the Caribbean: The Video Game – anyone else think these Lego games are just getting silly now?
Star Trek: Infinite Space – Bizarrely I grew out of Star trek. Ok thats a lie I just matured and started to watch Babylon 5.

Camping Mama: Outdoor Adventures – Hunt it, kill it, cook it, eat it. How to destroy your child’s childhood in one game. Ok maybe not
Hulk Hogan's Main Event – Over rated wrestler gets his own game.
Pet Zombies in 3D (3DS) – Ok this one has got my interest, could be a fucking good laugth. Like Nintendogs but with more brains

Fable: The Journey – Or Fable Peter cashes in

Minecraft – Herd its not going to be the same, or even a proper Minecraft game, shame

WWE '12 – So they have finally gone down the EA method of naming? They have been on the EA type release seclude for the past few years.

Over all it was a bit rubbish this year, with loads of games that might as well go right in the bargain bin.

Its no wonder I never get invited to these things

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

E3 2011 - The Nintendo saga

Here we go.

The final round. Nintendo time, last year they where the bes and im thinking this year will be the same as the others are a bit “Urgh”

WOW! What a start. A FUCKIN ORCASTRA PLAYING ZELDA SONGS! Its like a live gig with sound effects and a few cock ups. Its annoying to my ears to have two people speaking at once.

Zelda Links awakening, Hmm a download of something. How about something new?

Zelda OoT 3D, hard to get excited about it. As im sick of it

Zwlda four swords, On Dsi? FOR FREE! BLOODY GREAT! Didn’t mention that its online thought.

Zelda Skyward sword, A gold coloured Wiimote? Not interested. Show us some new footage

Zelda Symphony concert, You can expect to buy your tickets on Ebay in a few months for a bloody high price.

Zelda CDs, .

Great start. Fizzling out into taking about “Stuff” and the new platform. Nothing else about it yet.

Ok spoke to soon

Mario Kart 3D, What’s to say? Its Mario Kart. Not to sure how these flying/underwater bits will fair up, still car moding might be fun.

Star Fox 3D, Hmmm turning and tilting the system might be problematic, as gamers we have spent years not moving our arms around while playing. Still its a optional control method

Super Mario 3D, WOW a fixed camera. Looks good I guess, but I don’t really like Marios platformers, but this one kinda reminds me of Bug for some reason.

Kid Icarus uprising. Should have been a launch game if you ask me. Still it looks a bit Space Harriery. Could be good. Dunno lol. The multi player side of things seems interesting.

Luigis Mansion 2, HA! They finally made a sequel. Never really played the first one.

The next lot was like those data blasts so didn’t see much of them so here’s a short summary.

Resident evil missionary, looks decent

Mario and Sonic, Urgh not again, more button bashing.

Tetirs, Well it wouldn’t be a console without it

Cave story 3D, not played the 2D one yet

Resident evil Revelations, Just bring them out damn it

Driver Renegade, Urgh looked like a late N64 game

Namco shit, Pacman etc etc, boring. Stuff that has been done before.

Tekken 3D, im not a fan

MGS Snake eater, same stuff shown as last year

Virtual Console 3DS, Gameboy and Gameboy colour and there updating the old classics in 3D

Pokemon, well Pokedex 3D. Not a proper Pokemon game thouht is it?

Wii U, Wait? Thats the name of the new one? The controller? WHAT THE FARGING SHNIT IS THAT? Its like a hand held. Oh wait. Its just a controller. Im expecting a troll face any second. What about battery life on it? That’s the most important thing. Looks like the bottom half of a 3DS (with a extra stick), im looking for that vid hey showed of a parrot making the Mario noise. Cant bloody find it.

So it is a new console? The games for it one sounds like Pac-man vs

So there you have it. A new controller. We want console, they give us a controller.

Lego City story’s. Hur hur GTA Lego. Wait thats a good thing, maybe, dunno lol.

Wow there also getting a few mutli platform games on it. Urgh

Darksiders 2, Port

Dirt, another port

Aliens marines, Port

Ghost reckon, port AGAIN!

Metro something. Dunno lol not herd of it

Tekken, hur hur customisation

Nina Gaiden 3, what lol?


A EA bloke, Talking about THE Same STUFF AS YESTERDAY!!


This years E3 was the remake year for Nintendo, the new Kirby game wasn’t shown. Still some more 3DS games are needed, but at the end of the day, they are taking there time with them.



E3 2011 The Sony Saga

elcome to Sony's part. I just hope that this one is going to be decent as the last few have been soul destroying. PLEASE BE INTERESTING!

PSN, Talk. I think the world is sick of this saga now.

Uncharted 3, This looks decent, but probable a bit to much linear. Probably more of a movie than a game. It looks like you don’t have much control over the MC, Hur hur teaming up with a overpriced sandwich shop to promote a game.

Resistance 3, Another FPS, looks good, but Im sick of them as they are all looking the same.

Commitment to 3D. Oh dear.

And more rehearses, but of recent games all IN 3D!! FUCK 3D! Seriously. There forcing it on us.

NBA on the move, Again looks great, but I prefer NBA Jam, ITS FUN!. Arse to realistic games.

Medieval Moves, Wait wasn’t this announced last year?. Ill pass.

Infamous 2. Looks exciting, but never played the first so I wont pas judgement.

Starhawk, 3rd person shooter. Ok im going to say it. STOP WITH THE FMV! Its just good to look at and that’s it.

Sly Cooper, Well at least it don’t have guns and solders in it. No game in play just MORE FMV!

Dust, Back to the FPS. THIS IS REALLY STARTING TO ANNOY ME! MAKE SOMETHING different AND STOP FARTING OUT FPS GAMES! I seriously hope the FPS market crashes and they stop making them.

Bioshock infinity, On the other hand, Bioshock is a series that looks very different and looky game in play.

Star Trek, a movie tie-in? Show me the game. Show me the game.

Parping on about EA, Great. I don’t care, EA had there own earlier.

Playstation vita, Come on stop dragging it out. It sounds to close to Vista for my liking, so will it be as rubbish as Vista. Nice specs. Tell us the battery life and the price.

Uncharted Vita, Looks gorgeous for a handheld game, but more of the same to me.

Ruined,Looks like a modern Gauntlet interesting

Modnation racers, Another make your own stuff game, ranted its a good idea, but it seems there getting lazy. After all it looks to much like a Mario Kart clone

Street fighter x Tekken, A cross over that’s not needed. Hur PS excursive character. Its that bloke from Infamous Already there’s a game that’s not suited for the Vita. I like how there avoiding the Pound sterling price, ready for us to get shafted by it.


They have calmed down with the Move and moved on to the Vita, it seems interesting at least, they just need to stop with the FMV and no in game footage.


Monday, 6 June 2011

E3 2011 The ubisoft saga

Well its time for the Ubisoft part of E3. Instead of groaning I will sigh

Rayman, This is said a lot about this one but it does look gorgeous. Say what you like about 3D games, but this one beats them all hands down. Just hope it plays as good as it looks.

The talker seems to have the crowd dead. No applause, no laughter at his jokes

Driver San Francisco, The crowd are still dead with none excitement. How about showing some game in play footage?

Farcry 3, Sigh. All these FPS that are trying to be real are making me sick.

Brothers in arms furious 4, Sigh more playing solider, at least it isn’t taking its self to seriously.

Tin tin, Sigh a movie game. Looks like its trying to be a bit like Flashback, for kids. Ill pass

Ghost Reckon, Again. I think I prefer there classic looking game.

Trackmaina Canyon, Ha the start of this one was funny. Sounded like there mikes where off. Seems interested. I was playing Track Miana a few months back and didn’t really touch the building side of it.

Raving rabbits, Behold a crowd that are not doing anything, I think people are now sick of it. This type of shite was rubbish on the Eyetoy. Now its on Kinect. A load of grown men playing a game like this.

Just dance 3, Sigh. Wow the crowd must be asleep and who can blame them.

Rock Smith, Sigh. A bit late to the party huh Ubi

Your shape, Sigh. Well its slightly rounded. Again a dead crowd and a fast forward from me

Assassins Creed Revelations, Finally life from the crowd, not much but there is some


Congrats that have out crapped Mircosoft with the amount of shite. The presenter was a bit stupid. The “Retro imagining” of games was interesting, if a little off (Commodore 64 games do not look like that).



E3 2011 - the EA Sage

Well its EA time and considering that the Microsoft one nearly worn out my grown gland I will be replacing grown's with birds. Increase your ornithology knowledge with me and EA

Mass Effect 3. Again?

Ea keeping it simple. Well I do say that most there own games are for simple people.

Need for speed the run. Well this is a surprise. A EA game that has been coming out every year for the t few years. Why would fans of a driving game want something thats on foot? Thats like having a fighting game that turns into a FPS. Wow Qtes in a racing game. Well DERPED EA. Also a plot in a racing game? What the fug?

Star Wars old republic. Wood warbler, is pleasing to the eye with its green colour. Come one. Two Star wars games? Mr Lucas must want a new diamond encrusted owl statue. Glad im not a fan as it would cost a fortune to keep up with the games.

SSX. REALLY! Another new game that shares the name with the original? What is it with games this year? They all seem to be coming out next year.

Fifa 12, Blue tailed bee-eater, is another one that is pleasing to the eye its tail is blue in colour apart from the tip. This isn’t news. This isn’t even E3 worthy as we know its coming out. People talking about Fifa and saying that it helps them play football? WOW! What where they smoking? Storys in a football game? Talk about things that aren't needed.

Madden 12. To us in the UK most of us don’t give a rats arse about it, buyt we have Fifa they have this. Three plays come out. Nope I don’t know any of them.

The Sims social, For those with no life. The Sims on Facebook. Bollocks to it.

The Reckoning, Not interested. Its another fantasy RPG

Overstrike, Show me some in game footage then ill say my interest level

Battlefeild 3, Golden pheasant, is the type of bird that wouldn’t look out of place in a gay parade. More playing solider crap. Overly long section where the game is played, time to check my email. Oh looky the In da 80s site is live. One good thing is there online services is going to BE FREE!! Good on them.

Well that’s your lot.

Overall. Hmm its a “Nothing to see here move along now” type situation.


Ok I didn't use that many birds

Moaning about E3 - Microsoft

Welcome to Moaning sod does E3 same thing as last year, but with more editing and trying to keep it to one page.

A few things where already leaked (Halo sodding 4 and the remake) and a lot of it is crap. Will the conference prove not to be?

COD 11. Lulz errors. Great to have a bit of humour to break the ice. Like farting at a interview (Hold it in doods) Its very underwater. Looks impressive, but then so did FMV games in the 90s. I’m trying not to think how all that water might mess up his gun. Lots of set peace’s, looks impressive, but it just looks like ANOTHER SOILDER BOY GAME! Its a COD, urgh its becoming like Fifa EVERY YEAR! To bad this is streamed live as I would be skipping this.

Tomb Raider. Urgh interest levels are almost flat lining. Lots of running and QTEs. Thanks Sega for making them popular. At least there’s some in game footage.

Oh dear EA sports guy. Im going to play a game as this is just sending me to sleep. Kinect and EA sports games, double the arse. None of the pleasure.

EA are only good as a publisher. Not a developer and now...

Mass Effect 3, with Kinect functions. FINALLY something that at least seems interesting. WOW the first game to make a decent use of the Kinect a side from waving your arms in the air like you just don’t care.

Ghost recon. URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! Another game about playing solider!

Its not often I say this but”For fucks sake” piss off with these playing solider games. “Make your own guns using Kinect” expect loads of the same guns online.

Kinect crap Oh wow. Voice commanded console. Not interested in the slightest. These things are very hit and miss as there’s these things called “Accents” that get in the way.

Watching live TV on your Xbox. Is it me or is that a bit backwards? YOUR USING A TV! Very backwards. The UFC thing seems interesting, but its only or people that are nerdy about it.

Gears of War 3, the only good ting I can find about it is the tune there using on the adverts. Wasn’t this shown last year as well? Playing it with someone called “Ice-Tea” his parents must have been retarded (sarcasm). Ohhhhh he’s done a little song for it. Odds on it will be crap.

Ryse a game where you do the moves and the game follows it. Yawn

Halo arrrrgh skip! Where’s the damn skip button? Oh wait! ITS LIVE! A remake of Halo. Well unlike Konamis recent one this is one OF THE FIRST GAME!

Forza 4. Urgh bloody horrible song with samples of Ozzy Ozzborne covering another song. Its a “realistic” driving game so balls to it.

Fable the journey. Fable started out as a massive game, something that was unique. Now there farting them out a hell of a lot. WITH ADDED KINECT! Bollocks to it.

MINECRAFT!! WITH KINECT!! finally something of interest on it that looks like a game (of the 80s). Typical nothing was shown and yet we get ages of the other not intersting crap

Disney land adventures. HA HA HA! On Kinect. Now you dont have to take them. Not! Call me weird, but I don’t want to see some nine year old's arse flying in front of me. Good job this game inst for me

Kinect Star Wars, hur hur hur hur hur. Behold shite that’s better done on a pad. Nice visible delay from what your doing and what hes doing. Its to active for most Star wars fans and from that we go to......


More Kinect crap. Wow it can make a avatar that looks kinda like you. I don’t want it. I want mine to look nothing like me. Its fun like that.

Saying top selling Kinect game is like saying “Best selling game on” they are all crap, Ill say it again. Minecraft nothing, shitty sports game packs lots.

Dance central 2. Urgh.

Halo 4. Urgh

Over all

This was a epic shit fest. But shit with sprinkles in it, You have to dig threw the shit to find it.

What happened to Steel Batalion? Where are the 360 games that use the pad?


Friday, 3 June 2011

E3 - Konami saga

Well its that time of year again. Not not Zombie Jesus day or Lemmys birthday.

Its E3 time and like last year I will be complaining about it.

So get ready for a load of words about what I think about the carp (ok and good stuff). What? Well if you don’t like it DONT READ IT! I have followed that method for years when it comes to tabloid news papers.

Ok so on to E3.

This will be done in a post for each company.

First up Konami.

Last years was bloody funny and painful, but this years?

Well I didn’t do a live blogging thing so here’s a quick summary.

Remake, Remake, Remake, Sequel, Remake, NEW GAME!, Remake, Remake and a big C.

Yeah there going down the remake path and what gets me is THERE NOT THAT OLD! Metal Gear solid 2/3 and Silent hill 2/3. Zone of Enders, Come on there PS2 games. There PS2 games that aren’t that hard to get hold of. Ok maybe not Zone of enders 2.

What do they have against remaking the first games? they look a bit arse these days and could do with a make over.

Still a new Silent hill game is coming out. It seems to be all they know how to make.

What about some of there older games? I cant be the only one that wants a new Goeman game or at least a remake of them.

What of that “NEW GAME!” I mentioned. Never dead. Its unusual for me to give a toss about a FPS, but this one looks different. The main character is immortal, he can rip off his own limbs and use them as weapons. Its not like this has been done before, but its a Japanese developer. Making a FPS, THEY HATE THEM!

the new Slient hill film was mentioned

There was also some game save sharing thing from PS3 to PSP, a interesting idea, but it only works on Metal gear solid so far and I have lost interest in that series as its the same same every time (even becoming the same story with different people).

Still the thing whole thing was at least funny, funny as it was meant to be.

The big C at the end is a bit of a obvious hint as to what’s to come, A new contra? A Contra remake. Ill wait to see.


Remakes, Remakes everywhere. Not a new idea among them

Im going to try and keep them to a page a peace

Sunday, 22 May 2011

Im waiting

I love that advert and there’s a great message there for us gamers these days.

Some things are worth waiting for (for the most part) Look at some of the games I have waited for. Metal Slug X which was held back by a year for no good reason on the humble old Playstation, I waited years to get hold of a copy of Phantasy star on the Master system (this was before Ebay) and there is of course Nintendo fans. We waited a few months for Smash brothers on Wii and even the new Kirby game. Why? Well Nintendo likes to make us wait for no good reason. (read they hate us).

So waiting while annoying can be good as think of the last time you got the latest release only to find it a few months later for a few quid less an in some cases even half price. Look at Madworld last year it was forty quid. Now you can get it for four. THATS ONE ZERO OFF!! Ok thats probably because it didn’t sell well (A good Wii game not selling how unique). Some times as well probably know they don’t drop down in price for a long time (COD and Fifa are like this) or until the “sequel” comes out.(again COD and Fifa), but then nobody wants the older version.

There’s also that waiting for some games to load or for the latest firmware update. Least we forget about those old cassette computers. They took a age to load. So much time in fact that you could get a cuppa in and you had no idea if that new game was any good and worth the wait

So one thing I ask of my readers is to wait a bit as sometimes I forget to write these or cant (It helps if I am in a mood).


(See I talked about waiting and didnt talk about Duke Nukem)

Friday, 15 April 2011


Ok so as people that “Follow” me on Twitter will know. Over the past week I have been sorting out all the stuff at The Lass and some thing came to me.

What ever happened to consoles that could share the same cables? Not talking about the power cables as they are different, talking about the pads.

What of those 9-pin joysticks? They where great. If yours broke you could just go and buy a new 9-pin. Heck you could even buy a Mega Drive pad and use that on a Atari (For those that dont like holding some thing that’s shaped like a penis).

(I mean look at some of them)

(They really do look like a penis)

(Just don’t google “Penis Joystick”)

(Your going to aren’t you?)

(You dirty fecker)

Well the connector slides into the hole nice and snug, but try that with a Nintendo consoles. It don’t fit do it? Nintendo had to be different, but then there’s more than just a few fire buttons on it. There’s them awkwardly place select and start buttons. Now days some of these consoles do have the same connection (USB), but wont work cross platform and its understandable as they all have different things on them and have come a long way from one button one stick.(Shaped like a penis)

(With a big red bit on top)

Thanks for reading.

Friday, 1 April 2011

APRIL FOOL! Oh its after midday

What ever happened to “Good” funny April fools jokes? I mean like in games mags. Its alive and well online with all those ruining Duke Nukem Forever coming out jokes (Or even Duke Comes out?). I remember they used to be funny. Like with the Ultimate Fighting Universe (Still a better idea than Street fighter x Tekken) and Iznogood.....oh wait that was a real game.

I was going to do one online this year, but with all this time zone crap.

Maybe the death of Computer and Video games mag has led to them fizzling out and that is a shame as I loved the letters page the following month of people failing to spot it or even getting the wrong one (Yes there is a game called Iznogood and surprisingly it is no good, but what do you expect ITS FRENCH! The only decent thing that was animated that came out of France was Asterix).

But I did see one that was kinda obvious on Tokyo Toshokan where it has a splash screen saying that the FBI have taken it off line

So I was looking round for some this year and found none. Maybe us net heads are wiser to it.

I am your moaning sod thanks for reading.

Thursday, 24 March 2011

Manual or auto

Get this I like to read things. I have read all sorts (Not the sweets), but like most I tend to read when I have nothing else to do. (like when having a crap, nobody wants shit on there handhelds clogging up the buttons, plus if the book is rubbish it will become bog roll) and one thing that I seem to browse threw is video game manuals.. Yes them little books that come with games. They are a right mixed bag. From the HOLYCRAPFULLCOLOURITSLIKESOMEKINDOFMADACID INDUCEDTRIPWHILESKIPINGTHEWAFEILDOFPONYSTHATAREMADEOFSKITTLES! that is the Japanese ones. To the Thisislikesomekindaofofficaldocument that is the US ones and the middle of the road UK ones. Some can be better than the game that there written about (Red Ninja has pictures). So yes they are good things.

There is also collectors that insist on having them and all the other junk that gets packed with there games and some retailers wont take a game as a exchange if they don’t have any.

So when I read the following earlier this week....

I was first in a rage about it. Then I remembered that its my old friend EA and they are only in it for the money. As it states EA will have in game how to's. So dose that make it better?

I say no. Ok maybe not “no” like that more like “NO!” with a slap to the face and a kick to the balls.

Ok reading on a bit more they are doing it mostly with there sports titles. I think most the sheep that by there yearly updates don’t read them anyway and people like that are un herd (derp) of in my eyes.

But if you look at most games manuals these days they can be no more than a sorry excuse for a flyer with the same amount of info.

In game ones are ok and all, but I like to read them on the bog.

So I wipe my arse with there money saving idea.

If making the game got cheaper will they still be full price?

Cheap games from EA?

Ok maybe not

Monday, 21 March 2011

Ducking cover

Ok so get this. If there’s one thing I hate in First Person Shooters these days its the following. “Duck and cover” or “Hide and seek”. Basically run to a bit of wall and hide behind it, pop out and shoot, now repeat until you go to the next wall, now turn the sodding thing off and stick on something “Fun”. FPS of the past where more like “JUST BRING IT!” now its more like “Oh don’t shoot me it might hurt”. Yeah I prefer the older way. It feels a lot less like virtual playing peak-a-boo. Ok so some “Wankers” past round the whole “Its strategic”. What is? Doing the same thing over and over? To me that’s just like in space invaders, only using the chickening out method and only popping out when you feel “Safe” where

as older FPS you just stand in the open telling them to “BRING ON THE PAIN!” then move a bit to the right or left (never both).

So again I say im waiting for Duke Nukem for ever to come and show the pansy’s how its done (again).

Shooters now

Shooters then

Nuff said

Friday, 11 March 2011

Things I hate about games I love

Welcome to another things I hate about games I love. A look into what kinda spoils a game experience on those masterpieces, but not as much for me to call it “Totally arsetastic”

This time its the turn of OutRun 2006 sp

So hold on and get ready to probably agree with what I am complaining about.

Ill start by saying that OutRun 2006 sp is probably the happiest game I have ever played. Its just so damn cheery and positive. Its the type of game that will stop me from feeling like its time to end it all. Its that positive. So its great, but what about what I hate about it? Well here we go. This is going to be tricky.

-First up its the menus. Ok these don't mean bugger all when driving, but they could at least make them a little easier to get threw. All that small writing and the noise as your going threw them don't help, but like I said they don't really ruin the game. While im on about that, cant it remember the last car you picked so that on your next go threw its the first one selected?

-When you finish a course you have to go back threw all these menus to change something like the music. While Magical sound shower its a great tune, I dont want to hear it all the time.

-The driver (lets call him Gitty Mc Fartpants). Hes a smug git like every sod that has a Fararri and has the type of face you want to slap, hes probably the type of person that goes to wine bars and has a favourite number and brand of wine and say things like “This has a nice body with good colour and tastes a bit like the last burning ember on the camp fire at my old log cabin that I rent out to a nice couple every year for a few weeks at a high price. Hes just that much of a git.

-The points thing. I have yet to unlock every thing as its a bit stingy the amount it gives at the end of every race and there never enough to buy anything.

-The Driver. HE IS A GIT! With a small penis.

-His bird. Probably only with him as he has a Ferrari, but what she says makes me want to shut her up with some sort of gag. Also what she says while your driving means she is the exactly type who probably gets easily distracted by..................Oh look a seagull.

-The timer. Unless its on easy it will run out on you even if you are on a perfect run.

-Car vs bus/truck. Car wins. WTF? Ok it is a arcade game and is not meant to be realistic, but still this is a bit silly.

-PSP link up? Anyone ever done this. Does it do anything good or is it a bit arse?

-The driver he’s a small penised smug git that is probably spoiled by his parents.

I have just realised that I CONTROLL HIM!

Ok time to go ram his posh car into a tree and see the lack of any kind of damage. Just emotional as his bird tells him off

Well there you have it. Some shit about something that is not shit.

Im going off to play it for a bit to cheer my self up.

Friday, 18 February 2011

What about just me?

Right there is something that annoys me about all these recent Capcom fighting games. It is this. NO SINGLE PLAYER MODES! Ok fighting games are meant to be played vs, but look at them. You have Arcade mode, vs and some kind of trails mode. Its great that they now have online gubbins, but what about if you want to play solo for a bit? Have they forgotten about a simple survival mode? Ive play budget fighting games that include one of these. They got this bang on with Alpha 3. That has modes that made it more than a simple vs game, even the arcade mode was great, but I spent most my time in the wonderful World tour mode. That was a thing of greatness and annoyance (some of the challenges are not suited to all characters). Im sure with these consoles they can at least bung a few extra modes. Im not asking for Alpha 3 on Dreamcast amount of modes, just a bit more solo scraping for your money.

Monday, 7 February 2011

Yars rearrange

You know what?

Call the game something other than Yars Revenge as its NOT THE SAME SMEGING GAME!