Friday, 13 August 2010

FPS - Hell 1

So welcome to what will be a few weeks of posts about what I hate about a lot of these newer First Person Shooters. In the coming weeks there will be moans about each one of there little annoyance that make me question “Why am I playing this shit?”

This one is going to be about the backbone of them, the thing you see the most, the thing you like when you get more ammo for it, the thing that’s banned in this country. Yes its the guns.
Guns are great in games. As in games we can shoot big meaty guns with no kick back. Think about it if you fire one of these “Big guns” with out bracing your self the backfire will send you flying backwards (or break your shoulder in some cases). Ok Namco started a little something with there Time Crisis gun. It had kinda realistic backfire what with the whole chamber sliding back on every shoot. Then Sega did something a bit bigger with GunBlade them guns felt like you where holing a box of vibrators all set on full. Now days we have these little controllers that just shake a bit. More annoying than real, but if you are like me you probably turn it off anyway.

There is also the feel of them. I like a big meaty feel to them when I decide to shoot them. Like the feeling oh “Ouch that’s gotta hurt” GIVE THEM MEAT AND WE WILL probably be wondering “What is this meat firing gun?”. Actually that’s a good idea. A gun that fires out bits of meat. Wait that’s a stupid idea.

Now the design of guns is getting lazy. These newer games tend to make them fall into several types mainly-
Hand to hand – Fists/knifes.
Pistol/handgun – You tend to start with these pea shooters.
Sub machine gun/Uzi – Load of ammo wasted.
Shotgun – If you snipe with one of these your a big stupid doo doo head.
Rifle – Your long distance lover
Rocket launcher – Loads of area damage
Granted most people like to feel familiar with what they shoot, but when there’s loads of games out there that just use the same guns. This is annoying to someone like me as I like to use different things.
Here’s a little list my most memorable guns.
Cerebral Bore – Turok 2 – It drills into the heads of things its fired at and brain matter leaks out. Absolutely terrifying in multi player.
Electro Driver – Painkiller – It fires electricity and shurikens nuff said.
Painkiller – Painkiller – Both in your face and long distance in one. Spinning blades of death that can be fired out. Its alt firing is like Scorpions harpoon more.
BFG9000 – DOOM – This gun is like a tentacle monster in one of those Hentai films IT FUCKS EVERYTHING!
Nuclear rabbits – Shadow Warrior – See above, but add a tiny little bunny ears.
Freeze ray – Duke Nukem 3D – Dose exactly what it says on the tin.
Shrinker – Duke Nukem 3D – Shrink them then crush them.
Gravity gun – Half life 2 – Ok it isn’t really any good unless you add something to it.
Far sight – Perfect Dark – See threw walls? SHOOT THREW THEM!
Crossbow thingy – Strangers Wrath – Its all about the ammo and this guns ammo has personality.
Vuvuzella – Doom – Technically not a gun but great for annoying things to death.
Chainsaw luncher – My brain – Think about it for a minute
These are off the top of my head. If I did a bit of research for these things I could probably say a load more.
The old traps of the same weapon different game MUST BE STOPPED! As a matter of fact one of the things that made Halo good was its alien weapons.

Rifles, pistols and uzis are boring try attaching things to them to make them funny.

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