FPS hell 3

Well come to this part (huh huh part) of my “FPS HELL!” thingy.
Here is one particular annoyance for me in these games. Yet again it can be applied to some other games.
Ill start with a flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Playing Halo.(yeah this game comes up a lot)
Walking round taking things out with my rifle thing. I go to where they all died and spot a rather handy “Big gun”, but I cant carry it. So I am left with holding a rifle and a shitty pistol.
This fills me full of rage. I know they are trying to keep it real, but ITS A SCI-FI SHOOTER! Sod realism. It gets in the way yet again. ITS A GAME! SET ON A FICTIONAL PLANET! SHOOTING AT FICTIONAL ALIENS! Frak it. In Turok, Serious Sam, Painkiller and EVEN ZELDA! You could hold some stupidly big weapons and where do they keep-em? In that little pocket? In Sams case I think that is implausible as his jeans are tight, Turok? Well its been shown that he keeps them in his pouch that’s like a TARDIS only without time travel.
This is also one of my gripes about Deus EX everything is stored in a item menu and I mean EVERYTHING! So it fills up quite fast. Do you discard a gun as you no longer get ammo for on a regular basis? Or trade it for a different one? Well my recent game of it I have tried to stick to the same ones, but now I am out of rifle ammo. I don't wanna chuck the damn thing away as its been upgraded and has been my best friend since the start.
The less said about Resident Evil the better, but the fourth and fifth had a decent compromise and made it like a frozen game of Tetris with stupid peace’s that aren’t made of four squares. Ok bad example you know what I mean (I hope).
I know these things are ment to be making us pick our weapons seriously, but if you are me you like “A little something for every occasion” or a big ROCKETLUUUUANCHERRRR!! just to aim at peoples arse and inject them with a large insertion of steel love that may go off inside them filling them full of loveable hate that spews out on people near by so they to can feel my big rocket of love as well. (wait what?)

Watch the following video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dsWO6OZufw

Ok they are all smaller guns, but add a backpack on him and he can carry even more.
ITEM SLOTS DONT EFFECT REAL LIFE!!

TLDR
Bloody hate damn item slots makes me want to fill there “item slots” with my fist

FPS Hell 2

Welcome to FPS hell
PART errr what comes after 1?
Here’s another thing that annoys me. Its not just about FPS games, its about games in general, but mostly about FPS'.
It is forced driving, turret and ONLY DO THIS sections. There are a few major culprits of these most notably Half Life 2 (OI STOP THAT BOOING ITS NOT PERFECT!) I mean look at it. Its a game about shooting not driving as the control’s where meant for shooting. You don't buy a racing game and expect to get out and “pop-a-cap” in the driver in fronts tires do you? Ok Lucky and Wild aside. I know they are trying to spice things up a bit, but when the car handles like a slug on ice (ORIGINAL IDEA DO NOT STEAL!) it makes it feel just damn wrong if they are to have these vehicle sections let us be where ever we want. One the first annoyances of this for me was in the first Halo. Being forced to take the wheel when a nupty took control of the gun and got us shot to fug while I tried to steer the damn thing threw a narrow corridor and later on in the game where I have to do that get out of the place before it blows up thing that HAS BEEN DONE TO DEATH AND CAN BE ANNOYING IF SOME BUGGER IS SCREAMING AT ME TO HURRY UP! On second thoughts knowing the CPUs Ai id be better off as the driver as he might just end up driving into a wall or worse still into a damn pitfall leaving my cursing his name as we plunge into the depths of the “Restart at last check point” message. Even worse than that is underwater/space bits so now we have a new axes to annoy us. No longer confined to over there and that way we now have up there and down there as well and to make things worse if you bump into things you get damage. Why can't they just give us the option of “Riding shotgun” and shooting stuff. Surely those that like these sections are those with short attention spans that like to see all those explosions and pretty colours.
Turrets in games can be annoyances as well.
Think of it like this. From moving round dodging bullets to being stuck on the spot moving a cursor round and holding fire and getting shot some new holes. Worse still is when its on a moving thing in some car chase in space thing or if it has some kind of “heat” gauge that likes to fill up very fast so you are left standing there behind a load of temporary useless metal and being used as a place to hold freshly used rounds/bullets. These are favoured by noobs until they get taken out by a sniper, throw a fit and rage quit.
Lastly for this weeks part (huh huh part) we have those sections where you are forced to do something in the way the game wants it. Half Life 2 part 2s last section springs to mind as one of these bits (look it up). Destroy these tripod things with sticky bombs that have a rubbish firing ark. Why not give me a ROCKET LUANCHAIR!! and enough ammo to take out every ant in the world twice (ok over kill alert) worse still is force fed sniper sections ok so for the most part this is now I like to kill things, from the distance and unseen, but slap on a time limit and limited ammo and “Shakey vision” and you got me getting pissed off at the gunner for being a prick. Wait that s me?
Ok then getting pissed over the annoying well trained marine that has shakey hands due to all those years of UZI abuse. A ADDITCION THAT MUST BE STOPPED!
Bit like these forced driving sections

FPS - Hell 1

So welcome to what will be a few weeks of posts about what I hate about a lot of these newer First Person Shooters. In the coming weeks there will be moans about each one of there little annoyance that make me question “Why am I playing this shit?”

This one is going to be about the backbone of them, the thing you see the most, the thing you like when you get more ammo for it, the thing that’s banned in this country. Yes its the guns.
Guns are great in games. As in games we can shoot big meaty guns with no kick back. Think about it if you fire one of these “Big guns” with out bracing your self the backfire will send you flying backwards (or break your shoulder in some cases). Ok Namco started a little something with there Time Crisis gun. It had kinda realistic backfire what with the whole chamber sliding back on every shoot. Then Sega did something a bit bigger with GunBlade them guns felt like you where holing a box of vibrators all set on full. Now days we have these little controllers that just shake a bit. More annoying than real, but if you are like me you probably turn it off anyway.

There is also the feel of them. I like a big meaty feel to them when I decide to shoot them. Like the feeling oh “Ouch that’s gotta hurt” GIVE THEM MEAT AND WE WILL probably be wondering “What is this meat firing gun?”. Actually that’s a good idea. A gun that fires out bits of meat. Wait that’s a stupid idea.

Now the design of guns is getting lazy. These newer games tend to make them fall into several types mainly-
Hand to hand – Fists/knifes.
Pistol/handgun – You tend to start with these pea shooters.
Sub machine gun/Uzi – Load of ammo wasted.
Shotgun – If you snipe with one of these your a big stupid doo doo head.
Rifle – Your long distance lover
Rocket launcher – Loads of area damage
Granted most people like to feel familiar with what they shoot, but when there’s loads of games out there that just use the same guns. This is annoying to someone like me as I like to use different things.
Here’s a little list my most memorable guns.
Cerebral Bore – Turok 2 – It drills into the heads of things its fired at and brain matter leaks out. Absolutely terrifying in multi player.
Electro Driver – Painkiller – It fires electricity and shurikens nuff said.
Painkiller – Painkiller – Both in your face and long distance in one. Spinning blades of death that can be fired out. Its alt firing is like Scorpions harpoon more.
BFG9000 – DOOM – This gun is like a tentacle monster in one of those Hentai films IT FUCKS EVERYTHING!
Nuclear rabbits – Shadow Warrior – See above, but add a tiny little bunny ears.
Freeze ray – Duke Nukem 3D – Dose exactly what it says on the tin.
Shrinker – Duke Nukem 3D – Shrink them then crush them.
Gravity gun – Half life 2 – Ok it isn’t really any good unless you add something to it.
Far sight – Perfect Dark – See threw walls? SHOOT THREW THEM!
Crossbow thingy – Strangers Wrath – Its all about the ammo and this guns ammo has personality.
Vuvuzella – Doom – Technically not a gun but great for annoying things to death.
Chainsaw luncher – My brain – Think about it for a minute
These are off the top of my head. If I did a bit of research for these things I could probably say a load more.
The old traps of the same weapon different game MUST BE STOPPED! As a matter of fact one of the things that made Halo good was its alien weapons.

TLDR
Rifles, pistols and uzis are boring try attaching things to them to make them funny.

Leaps of argh!

Well its time!
Its time for a long over due update.
So for this weeks moan I have found ANOTHER THING I hate about 2D plat-formers and this is one thing that I have yet to see in a 3D one (probably due to me hating 3D plat-formers). So what is this thing? Well first I will tell you a short story of some plat-former that I played ages ago
So there I was doing the running and jumping and doing quite well until I saw that there was no more platforms in front of me. Ok this was one of those simple ones where I could only go forward so I took a leap of faith and oh look I missed the platform and fell to my death. YES!
This weeks moan is about “leaps of faith”
The are put in games by lazy developers to make them more challenging, but in my eyes they are lazy bastards. Its best to be able to see where you are going isn’t it?
In the past ok I admit they had hardware limits and couldn’t do some fancy zooming, but come on at least give us a hint as to where it is so we can at least judge it.
Sonic 2 had a bad one on the mine level where if you failed to jump over a pit you fell onto a load of spikes, if you had some skill (you would of missed it) you could keep collecting your dropped rings and live on.
Put it this way its a annoying trend that has to be stopped.
Its good to have a challenging game.
Its not good to be lazy with the level design.

Apollogys

Damn life it seems to be getting in the way of these moans.
Yeah I have not wrote any out for last and this week due to "Things on my mind"
Normal service shall resume soon

EBay? THIS IS MARKET!

You know what here's another gaming related thing that makes me want to get my moan on and it starts with a little story flashback thing.

So I was on a local market the other day on the look out for the usual games related bargains to be had. I had already got a few cheap games off someone and on another somewhat empty stall I spotted a boxed up Sega Saturn (mark 1 can tell by the some what battered box) and a boxed wheel and four games (The ones that are not hard to get). So naturally I ask “How much is that games machine?”
Now stand by the next line will shock you.
“£90”
“That's a bit to much” standard reply from me on over priced things like that.
“Well that's what it goes for on Ebay”
And there you have it
Its the “Internet/Ebay” excuse for pushing the price up to more than it is I mean Saturn's don't go for that much with that amount of games.
What are these people on?
IF YOU WANT EBAY PRICESE SELL ON EBAY and then you will see that its over priced. This isn't the first time that the Ebay excuse has happened to me. Another one was a few years ago on a car boot some where in North Wales I spotted a Atari 2600 (Junior) it had its box (no inserts, very tatty and torn) and a copy of Combat I as always wnet over to have a look at it. Cue some scrawny little sod that smelled of cigarettes.
“Oh sure have a look” “These things are getting hard to come by”
I ask “How much”
He says “£100”
As I turn around and walk away I hear him say “That's cheaper than it goes for on the internet” (this was before Ebay became a house hold name and everywhere had the internet)
I just waved over my shoulder and wandered off.
It seems like “The internet/Ebay” excuse is used by clueless morons that don't really have a clue what there selling. Fair enough they are trying to make money off people that seem like they don't know what there buying (note I do try to sound like a numpty), but at that price off a market seller?
How do I know it works? Its not like I can see it working or know there address.
These people are probably not even going to be on the same stall next week,
So here's my wise cracking lines to answer back to these people.

Say this “Well if this was that would be a bargain” For extra effect slap on a bit of slang from that decade or say “Is that in Yen?”
“That's what it goes for on ebay/internet”
There's a few for this one “Well sell it on there then” is one “Do you take Paypal?” That could go wrong if they say “Yes” or you could go to the extreme if you have a internet connection to hand and show them they are wrong.
Or you could just say “You sir are a idiot”
As these people are idiots.

The Moaners new clothes

Well its time to get my moan on. This one is only video game related and a bit of a short one.
Well in the past week I decided that I needed some new clothes as I have had the same ones for years. So I went online (don't judge me on this local places are to expensive) and low and behold video games T-Shirts (there's the related thing). One thing annoyed me about them and it is this.
The Faded look.
Why would anyone want to pay a tenner for what looks like a second hand t-shirt? I mean back when I last got a load of T-shirts they looked new and some still do to this day and that's how I like to buy new clothes. You know LOOKING NEW!
To me this looks like a fashion trend that was forced upon us as now I cant find a decent new looking shirt (dropping the “T” from now on) Ok its great for those that try to blag that they have been into for years, buts what's wrong with a shirt looking new? I ain't paying silly money for clothes that looks second hand when I would be better off trying my luck in second hand/charity shops. Granted they don't have the same selection and its all down to luck but still IF I WANT SECOUND HAND LOOKING CLOTHES ID BUY THEM FROM THERE!!