The returners

Yes im back and im grumpy.

I seem to of lost my domain due to Melbourne IT cocking it up, I was forced into going with them when Microsoft ended out free ride.

What is it of late with series making returns?

All the films of late have been remakes as well. Ok for the most part some of these have been better than the originals, thats not to say the originals are that bad, Judge Dredd was a bad movie that was quite good, but then you see Robocop.

WHAT HAVE THEY DONE!!?

Seriously he looks like a extra from Deus EX, ok so he now looks less like he should fear an electric can opener, but still I suppose they are bringing him to a new generation and thats a good thing, maybe have a cameo from the other Robocop.

But on the other hand there have been good remakes, from Star trek (ok considering that they no longer have any series to milk for films) to anime, yes Dragonball Kai wasn’t as much of a remake as a “Touch and go” WITH EDITS!!

Ok people used to read this as its about my complaints in games, but to be honest for every “Why?” return we have the likes of NiGHTS, yes NiGHTS that game that I bloody love, to bad its download only, but at least it give people that never owned a Saturn or a “Special” PS2 a chance to play it, (Really download it now).

Now we read of Segas “Model 2” games coming out, this is both a good and a bad thing, good as some never got a really good conversion, bad as the PS2 had better than arcade ports of a lot of them, look at Virtual on, its bloody great and it has loads of modes and options that would make Capcoms option menus whimper, its just a shame they where all Japan only, even if some had English options, just hope they are messed with, but not in a gameplay way (The trailer for Viruta Fighter 2 showed the old “Jeffrey teleport bomb” glitch).

So returns are both good and bad

And some are just made to make a extra few quid.

Post writing edit

THEY ARE REMAKING EVIL DEAD!

CAMBELL ISNT IN IT!!?

KILL THEM ALL!!

KILL THEM ALL WITH SHARP POINTY STICKS WITH YEAR OLD CHEESE ON THEM!!

Soon..........

Coming soon

Soul calidurrrrrrr the fifth

Wow a new post.
Sorry life stuff

Anyway on to the review.
Yeah its Soul Calibur 5 (My spell check hates that word)
So what’s to hate about it? Well all I can say it LOTS! BLOODY LOADS! Mags say its a “Return to form” and that its “The best one for ages” well guess what. I call bull shit on that. (expected)
While most the game is the same as usual there have been some changes to it, some for the worse (super moves?).
As per usual ill list them for your reading pleasure.
-Solo no no – Here’s something I rant about a lot, WHERE ARE THE SINGLE PLAYER MODES!!? The Dreamcast version had loads. It had a challenge mode that was loads of fun. There isn’t one in this . There is a story mode, but rather than give you one for each character they give you one and force you to play as the worst characters in the game. Other than that threes a arcade mode, (No ending here folk’s)you get The challenge mode in this one is just loads of cheating Ai characters (don’t know how many cant get past the first bloody person and two versions of vs, (one against random made characters where you can unlock “titles”) so yeah it has mode than most recent Capcom games, but its like a out of date chocolate hobnob. (good but rubbish for dunking and a bit soft)

-Level up! - This is a trend in some recent games, the more you play the higher your level gets. Wining fights in this gives you “XP” the more you get the higher your level and the more you unlock. Well bollocks to that.

-Super moves.- Wow. Way to go Namco, you are really doing this? A move that does loads of damage in one go. Used by the computer to troll the fug out of you

-Throwing – Ok I know throwing is a close up thing but you have to be so close to throw its silly and this games dash is shite and slow so its hard to close ground when the opponent is open for a throw.

-Legend mode – Yeah its annoying to have to fight some one whombs attacks hit high and low and that never stops attacking

-Padded – This is not a pad game for me. Like Virtua fighter is requires a joystick to get the most out of it. (Street fighter on the other hand I can only play on a pad)

-Where are you? – Sometimes things can be a bit to hard to see. The graphics in this game are great but they get in the way. Really detailed backgrounds and the characters tend to blend in. that and all the hit sparks that are flying about. I say it has “To much graphics”. Older ones had simple back grounds so you could see each other. In this? Narr. Yes I am complaining that the grahpics are to good, but mostly its that there is to much going on to see.

-SET AI TO RANDOM!! - this has the worst case of random ai I have seen since Mugen. Some times the computer takes it like a bitch, some times it makes you its bitch. To be more annoying there are times when mid bout the cpu will go from doing bugger all to being a maniac.

-Character creation – I'm not having a full go at this as I have seen some great creations. Its just one thing bugs me about it. Its the moves. You don’t pick them. Ok these are mostly weapon relevant as you cant do Nightmares moves with Maxi, but they could at least of improvised and added more move sets other than the characters in the game. What about those that where in other ones but not this one?

-DLC no way – Yes again on disc things that are DLC later, this includes a new character FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! I will forever have a empty character slot.

-The final – Ok SPOILER ALERT!! Its Nightmare, he’s shit, he has a super that can take almost all your life bar. And a I
TROLL U kinda power field that pushes you away that he does when you are getting in a few good moves.

-Doing the rounds – You are stuck on three. Three shall be the number of the rounds and the number of the rounds shall be three. Seriously there is no way to change it.

-In the end – Well you do arcade mode and all you get is a list of the fastest times. No ending. No special win pose. Just times. WHY NOT CALL IT TIME TRAIL MODE THEN!!? You don’t even unlock anything. There is no point to playing threw it. Soul Calibur had a picture to look at and a bit of text. This was a ending. This game has times THIS IS NOT A ENDING!!

-”Don’t use him he’s lame” - Said before but the story mode is bloody lame. For the story you get a doodle and some text. Then on to playing as some of the worst characters in the game. The female is annoying(“I'm sorry””Run away” “I don’t want to hurt you” really?) her only redeeming feature is her “Knee to the groin” attacks. Well if you don’t want to hurt some one why attack there and WHY FIGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!?, the male is tedious with few moves of interest. Then later on you get to play as other people that have moves. Why not make it for each character. Considering that all you are using is pictures to tell the story why not?

Over all.
Well they say that fighting games are not really made for single player’s, but how hard is it for them to at least chuck in a survival mode? I know I rant about the lack of single player love a lot, but it is a major thing. I know I have said it before but the first Soul Calibur (I know its a sequel to Soul edge/blade) had modes all over the place. A lot of them where multi player. Multi player options on the new one? vs.
CONTENT GUYS! I know the world is going online made, but thats no excuse for lack of single player.

Oh and smeg off with your DLC characters

See all that and I didn't even say how hot Ivy still looks. WHIP IT GOOD!!!!

TL;DR - Playin mates? = Get. Playin solo? Get first or 2

Egg shaped balls

Ok I admit it, I have bought a EA sports game. No its not a Fifa Sensible Soccer is way better anyway. Nor is is one of there American sports games that has very little appeal to anybody outside the US. Its a old Rugby game. Yes I am a fan of that manly sport. Its a shame that its overlooked when it comes to games as a matter of fact the y only seem to some out during the Rugby world cup. We got two last year. Both none EA. Ones a sequel to the highly rated Johnna Lammu rugby the others the official one,but it has a problem, it has a certain company’s logo on it. Its, ii hate to say 505 Software. For those that don’t know of them (you lucky lucky bastard) they came to power in the PS2 days and released loads of Japanese games, “Fantastic” you might be thinking. You poor misguided fool, its not the stuff you want, its not the stuff the Japanese want, its the cheap crap, they games that nobody gave a rats arse about. Not only that they took a half arse approach to them (and gave them a manual that’s just a bit of a4 paper folded into a book),.

Its not surprising that everybody that played it said it was shite.

So what’s the problem with making them?

Controlling the players? All you need is move, pass (left and right), punt (thats kick it) and score a try. If attacking. If defending all you need is tackle.

Everything else (throw-in, scrums, conversions can be done with one button and the pad.

Not that hard is it?

Ok the CPU players need to be a bit smart other wise it would end up like Leeds vs a high school team. (or bloody easy), other than that what else is there?

Graphics? Make it blue blocks vs red for all I care. As long as it plays well im a happy chappy.

Official player and team names? For all I care they can be called Chaz and Dave. I have a crap memory for names anyway.

At the end of the day its a sport that isnt that famous, but the amount of fans are growing so pander to them.

Come on EA at least give us one game every now and then and stop with the bloody NASCAR ones as its bloody pointless . You can make 3 Fifas a year so why not one Rubgby one every few years.

Things I hate about a game I like Zelda Skyward sword

Well heres something I said id do, but I have been busy playing games (for a change) so last weeks moan was kinda missing (its on my phone, but its annoying to retype things. So instead heres another one on waiting.

He waits thats what he does.

Ok I wont instead heres a things I hate about a game I like and in keeping with this being a moan and I said id do this one it is for recent game

Zelda Skyward Sword

Yes you have probably read loads of reviews about it and why its so damn good, but im going to say what I found is bad about it.

Because I can.

So if you don’t like click the red X now for the rest of you that want to know little flaws about it read on.

I will say that this game is bloody good. Really really good, but there are flaws, annoyances and here they are.

Heres the main one

• Its to easy – From bosses to puzzles to the game its self I rarely felt challenged and any challenge was due to the control’s them selfs rather than what was in front of me and speaking of the control’s.

• The err control’s – Granted this is a Wii game so it had to use them and it was a good idea, but there is times when the Wiimote had to be centred this was a lot of the time. Thankfully this was a case of pressing down on the D-Pad. So maybe Nintendo knew about this possible problem? Some times the game didn’t do the sword slash in the direction I told it to. On some bits this is annoying. Doing the Skyward strike (hold the Wiimote in a vertical position) is a pain as the Wiimote kept thinking I just wanted the sword help up.

• Flying – Ok the bird goes where you want it to. Unless its up then it slows down. Flying is boring as nothing really happens in the sky’s. Just the odd tornado. At least in Wind waker the seas had things.

• Swimming – If you haven’t done the swimming bit you will and you will hate it

• Fi – Shes like a less vocal Navi. Three hearts “ding ding” “You are running out of hearts master” and giving not very good advice.

• Z-targeting – You have to hold the button down and the problem with that is its not a nice button to hold down for a long time. In other post Ocarina of time Zeldas you could have it as a toggle. Also you cant use it to target with ranged weapons.
• Crafting – Pointless on some items, annoying to have to upgrade things you need to be big.
• Not all connected - Come on guys in the other games everything was one big open world that you could travel between. Ok its in the sky and you fly down the holes to get to them, but what if we just want to go by land? Nope you cant. These makes everything feel like separate sections and its a bit tedious to have to go to the sky and fly a bit to get to them.
• Three areas – Come on three areas? (Forest, desert, volcano). Ok they are big, but three of them?
• No exploring – As I said you fly to these bits there’s a few islands most are lumps of rock, past Zelda games have load loads of exploration this one don’t.
• The harp - Oh wow, wave the Wiimote left and right to play. AT LEAST IF IT WAS A COWBELL IT would have been MORE INTERACTIVE!!
• People that say “Its not very original” - Yeah its a sequel, they tend to be samy if not people will complain, but this at least it trys NEW THINGS!
• People that complain about the graphics – Really? Its on the bloody Wii
• The imprisoned boss – The most copy paste boss it gets annoying when it gets a power up, but thankfully somebody else helps out later on
• Zeldas nose – Cant help but think that its a massive honker.

Ok these are the faults, but it is a damn good game. Its a Nintendo made Zelda game and they are usually good and this is no exception to this rule. Its just a few small things annoy me about it.

Just buy the damn game and enjoy it as its good.

BBC = Bloody Bullshite Cancellations

Well here's another none game based moan, but again it can be linked with games in several ways first one to mind is that a few games get canned as well.

According to recent news thingys the BBC has cancelled all new Shooting Stares episodes.

I read it first off Bob Mortimer
Oh yes.
BBC have decided to not make another series of the classy Shooting stars. Granted its one of those “Its not as good as it was” series, but it was still good. It was still funny. It was still better than most the shite the BBC puts out.
I mean look at what one.
Its ok I can wait.

Bet there’s none of it of interest. This is normal.
BBC1 has not been on in months in my flat and all that 3 is good for is repeats BBC 2 still has some watch-able programming on for about 4 hours a week. BBC 3 on the other hand seems to be nothing but “Who gives a fuck” programming. With such delights as the grammatically incorrect “Lee Nelsons Well good show” Is that name meant to be ironic? There is nothing good about it. Its just programming for chavs. The rest is reality TV (very rarely entertaining) and Family guy/American Dad repeats. BBC 4 on the other hand.
Well they where going to make it go off air for good, but that was stopped thanks to a petition. Why? Well its a channel that has a lot of good stuff on. Ok there’s a fair bit of crap on there, but it has some good documentary’s and it was the start for Qi

But why are they doing this?
Well its part of there cost cutting measures and the first thing to go are “Panel comedy shows”
BALLOCKS TO THAT!! They are the only things that are funny. After the flop that was Mrs Browns boys (gave me a headache is was so not funny) and Coming of age, more unfunny crap other than that you are screwed
Ok there is Not going out that was kinda funny (Hint to BBC the word comedy means funny).

Also herd that there’s going to be more repeats.
Oh fucking goody
It seems all I am paying my TV license for is !I, Have I got news for you, Never mind the buzzcocks, Dr Who, Radcliffe and Maconie and errr
Yeah I don’t know
It seems people like me are paying to not watch anything good.
I just hope my part isn’t being spent on that program with people fannying about in posh cloths.

Truth be said its not about the whole panel show thing. Its about the comedy. Them two have been responsible for many a tear of laughter running down my cheek.
Lets see Lee Nelson do that.

There comedy programming has gone down hill since the Office so fuck you Gerevas
Still had to get that off my chest

And don't get me started on there lack of respect for Sky at night.
ITS THE ONLY PROGRAM THEY MAKE THAT IS NEVER ON iPLAYER!!

Viral advertising

Well if you probably haven’t seen there’s a new game out.

Same as more or less every week and there is one thing that annoys me a bit about them.

Its not he game its self if it don’t take my interest I just ignore it. Its some thing else. Its something that people say sells games.

Its the advertising.(no more “Its” starting a sentence now) Cast your gaze towards Kotaku of late and your eyes will be insulted by a game called Skyrim (random gifs of what I think is the main character doing the normal macho yelling in a rather generic 300 way) , a game that few will of noticed or even given a toss about if it wasn’t advertised all over the bloody site. Seriously its like the site is saying “OMG YOU MUST BUY THIS GAME” “SELL YOUR KIDNEYS IF YOU DONT HAVE THE CASH, YOU MUST HAVE IT! ITS GOING TO BE THE BEST GAME EVER” (I lied)

For a better visual representation for those reading this in the near future when the game is in all the bargain bins and people stopped giving a toss for the new flavour of the month, picture that bit in Back to the Future part 2 when Marty goes into that “80s restaurant” and he gets that screen telling him “YOU MUST TRY THE DEEP FRYED SPECAIL” (Or something) only for him to order a Pepsi. That’s kinda what it feels like to see loads of adds forced upon me.

I’m glad I don’t really watch TV. As I hate to have adds flung at me. (at least there’s no radio adds for it).

The thing is now it seems to be having a opposite effect.

Games that are over advertised to the point of becoming like having them tattooed on my eyes by the advertisers become ones that I hate and stuff that I wont buy. (think coca Cola and McDonalds, but they are also a question of taste). So im kinda glad that Zelda 2011s only really advertised in mags. On one page.

But then the Zelda name is advertising its self.

Its advertising that what lies inside its box is not going to be shite. (pushing the CD-I ones off a cliff into a pit of Ravenous Bugblatter beats from Traal.

Along with the CD-I as it was arse.

Really it was arse.

Not even a pleasant arse like one of Kyle its one of the afore mentioned beast.

After a bad curry.

Anyway CD-I hate ends here as there fans of it that will rage (still comments below are welcome)

Thanks for reading.